A
female
age
36-40,
*ehbieluv
writes:Okay I need help/advice.. My mind has been going crazy trying to figure out what to do. Okay here is my story.Today, I used my husband's laptop to check my email and it just happens that his email account was open and out of curiosity i opened one of the mail that has a girl's name on it and "re pre-op trans" on the subject line.When i opened it,I saw a conversation that my husband and the girl was having (wanted to meet up and they exchanged pictures). Now, i have no idea if they did or not. There was a link at the bottom of the page and when i opened it and the contents . it was a transexual person's picture. it says Post-operation and now "he/she is now a lady]. I was shocked to discover that he would be into that kind of stuff. I don't judge him if he is into that because people have their fantasies.my question now is should I talk to him about it? or just brush it off? I have mix emotions right now either to believe it or not.Please help..thank you for your time.. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (24 May 2011):
Hello again. Perhaps you could start paying him more attention.
It is difficult with a new baby, but try and give him some time each day when he comes home from work.
So that you have some energy at the end of your busy day, try to have some little naps throughout each day when your baby also sleeps. The more energy you have, the more time you will be able to devote to him every night.
When he arrives home from work, ask him about his day, and really listen to him intently, without interrupting. Be genuinely interested in him and his life.
It's just a case of making a conscious effort every day so that he knows he is still important to you.
Maybe at some level, he doesn't feel like that anymore.
He might feel that all your time is devoted to your new baby and with very little time left over for him. He might be feeling a bit left out.
A
female
reader, behbieluv +, writes (24 May 2011):
behbieluv is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you everyone for all the advice.
I guess it was just a bit of a shocker for me but i don't judge him in any way if it is his curiosity or boredom.
This is not the first time I happened to stumble something like this on his email (except it was a girl..happened a long time ago)..not that I try to snoop around because he pretty much know all my password to my email and i don't hide anything from him. We have a good relationship and sex life.
I'm thinking that maybe i'm not paying more attention to him since our baby was born.
Do you think he will get mad if i bring that up (tranny situation) he does have of a bit of a temper and don't want him to think that i'm accusing him.
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix +, writes (24 May 2011):
Hi there. It could be fantasy or something more, you just never know.
It could also be a curiosity thing. Most likely this.
In any case, if it was my husband, I would respectfully bring it up - but without accusing him or getting angry.
The main thing here is dialogue. You do need to bring it out into the open with him and talk. It's not wise to let it go.
If his email account hadn't been left open, and you weren't on the computer checking your own emails anyway, the chances are that you never would have looked at it. It would have been a case of out of sight, out of mind.
So in a way, be thankful that your husband was a bit forgetful and didn't cover all his bases. Otherwise, it could have been weeks or months till you found out.
At least now so early in the peace, you have a good chance to get to the bottom of it and actually discuss it with him as to where he is going with this.
What I mean by that, is to ask him what are his intentions and his reasons for going to that site in the first place. This is what you really do want to know.
Then you can go from there.
Unless you have seen any obvious signs in him, of him looking at other men in a sexual way - showing signs of being gay or bi-sexual - he probably is straight and simply being curious.
The really important thing to do is to find out what his thoughts are on all this. What he feels about trans-sexuals. And does he have any attraction towards men at all.
Like with other habits - alcohol, drugs, gambling, surfing the net - it might be a sign that he's bored in his life. Perhaps it's nothing to do with sex at all.
Often when people are bored and uninspired and feel that their lives have no purpose, they will turn to some fun thing as a "quick fix", or in other words, an escape.
With a "quick fix" - or escape - the purpose it serves, is it helps that person to avoid doing what is really needed to fill the gap in their lives, and it stops them from having to even think about it for a while. It's nothing more than a time filler.
While they are in "escape" mode, they don't have to work on the real problem in their lives - and it's much easier.
They will use the "quick fix" activity as a gap filler. Trying to fill a gap, where something seems to be missing.
It does seem that something is missing, for him. But it's not really sex.
He might be feeling like outside of the work he does, that he has nothing much else - except for watching TV, that is.
It might be nothing more than an escape for him.
What I would suggest for him, would be starting an interesting fun hobby to fill some of his free time. It would be much more personally satisfying for him, than seeking out unusual sexual partners. It does seem like an escape from boredom and nothing more.
Another satisfying way to fill his spare time would be to consider doing some volunteer work, by helping people in need - for instance, the homeless. Making a difference.
If your sex life with him is otherwise very satisfying for both of you, I can only think it's not actually sex related, as to why he is seeking this path.
Another thing that might be missing in his life - and yours - is FUN. Maybe you don't go out together much and do fun stuff - picnics, walk along the beach at sunset, movies, shows, long walks in the park, walks through forests (bushwalking). There's just so many things you could do together - the sky's the limit!
The only limit is your imagination.
Good luck and best wishes.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2011): A fantasy is a fantasy and that means it is not real. But he is planning to cheat soon by the sounds of things...if he hasn't already. And that is not a fantasy. I would talk to him now, rather than wait and see what happens unless you have time and patience to wait until he lets you know whats going on behind your back...if he ever does! You have had a 'heads up' that things aren't as they seem with him. He is your husband and made vows to the effect that he is yours and yours alone. It is called being exclusive. So you do have a right to know if he is no longer being exclusive. I would talk to him and ask for the truth.
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A
male
reader, Nithyanala  +, writes (23 May 2011):
 A lot of straight men are into transsexuals (trust me, I'm one and I would know). That might at worst be a side of his personality he wants to explore (cross-dressing), or a fantasy of his to be with one. Like all fantasies and most cross-dressing fetishes, this is not, by itself, disturbing.However if he has contacted a transsexual person behind your back and is making plans to meet her - well you should ask him about that just as you would if he was meeting another woman. I've known some men who were fascinated by me but whose interest in me ended at talking to me. Others who went as far as wanting to see me 'play with myself'. Not all the guys I've been with have necessarily wanted to actually have a full-fledged sexual encounter. I guess what I'm trying to say is he seems to have an interest in transsexuals, but whether he is intending to or wants to cheat on you is something you'll have to find out.
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A
male
reader, Leodjoneluv +, writes (23 May 2011):
 Ask him about it. Don't put to much into it. My girlfriend watched it one day on my lap top because she never saw it before. I'm straight but i have watched it before. Just curious to see what the hell is going on. I would never try it, just was wondering. Dont go looking for things because you may not be able to understand or handle what you find out.
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A
female
reader, DanceInTheDark  +, writes (23 May 2011):
 Uh. You got priorities messed up bad here. the problem is not that he's into transexuals, the problem is he was basically intending on cheating on you.
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