A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:hello, i recently went on a date (first time) with a man who i met online, on the date he treated me very well, we got along great and he checked that i got home ok and also text the next day to say that he had a great time and would like to go out another time.we spoke on the telephone last night and arranged to meet up on monday comming to go for a meal.today he text me "what do i have to do to get a cuddle from you" i text back.. "to get a cuddle you can make me laugh as much as you did last time we went out :)"he replied "what do i have to do for a kiss"?i replied "well as we are still getting to know each other i think a cuddle is fine for now"he replied " look if you dont find me even slightly attractive then let me know now so i dont have false hopes"any thoughts please.... i have not responded yet as texts are so unfeeling and i have read texts wrong in the past.i have to add that i much prefer to get to know someone better before i jump in kissing them etc as i do find i get attached to people very easily once any physical affection is involved. and i did tell him that before the texts.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2010): hi, i am the original poster.
i went out tonight for the date, we went for a meal.
Whilst we were out again we had a great time, and he explained to me that in his text he said what he said because he liked me alot and knows that he will fall for me big, and that if i did not find him attractive that he would rather know as he would like to protect himself (having been hurt in the past) by not allowing him self to dream of what could be, he did seem very genuine.
He also told me that whatever i feel is ok and that he would like to be friends regardless, and if a relationship did form it would be a very welcome bonus.
So im going out again at the weekend with him.
wish me luck :)
A
female
reader, SillyB  +, writes (8 May 2010):
 Okay
This is one of two things which are both a BIG RED FLAG:
1. He is VERY insecure - to the point that he comes of rude, needy and clingy. If this comes out into the open, imagine what it would be like in several months or years!
2. He's using this as a manipulative way to get physical with you (SEX). Making you feel guilty that if you don't hurry up with the kissing (and the physical acts that it potentially could lead to) he will feel that is him (and not your own standards/morals).
Either way this is a BIG flag.
This is what you need to do:
1. Not respond. Do not call. Forget him.
If he does end up calling with some apology/excuse. Hear him out. Judge the merit of his apology & proceed with caution. He still might be trying to get into your pants or gave you a small taste of his insecurity.
In all, I would just forget about him and not even bother answering any texts/calls. Red flags in the very beginning should never be ignored!
I once dated a guy who told me on the first date that if a girl doesn't put out within a few dates he dumps her. I thought that was so cute & believed I could win him over. I put out, he dumped me. Haha.... Pay special attention to red flags!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2010): as someone else said Proceed with Caution!! Sounds like he isnt interested in a long term relationship
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A
male
reader, bournedout +, writes (8 May 2010):
He wants to take it up a notch physically, that seems clear. And he is being a ham-handed about it. He may be insecure, a hound, or both. Proceed with caution.
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A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (8 May 2010):
 His text message means one of two things. First, it could be that he is just very insecure about himself and just wants some verbal reassurance that you find him attractive. Second, it could mean he is making it clear that he expects the dinner date to come with an extra helping of you-know-what at the end of dessert. I think you should abandon the text messages as a method of communication, you will determine more by picking up the phone and telling him straight how you feel. You could say I like you, want to be friends and see how it goes....if he loses interest he was just after sex, if he still keeps the date then he wants to get to know you as a person. I would say if you do see him again then make sure the date ends at the restaurant and you don't get drunk/ carried away. This way you will find out if this is a potential relationship rather than an internet fling.
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A
female
reader, BettyBoup +, writes (8 May 2010):
 Yeh I agree with the others. I think the 'false hopes' means for sex. If he doesn't have a chance of getting you into bed, he'd rather know now so he can move on. That's what it sounds like.
Orrr.... it could be... that he has been knocked back a lot and perhaps misread your text somehow and replied the way he did in defence?
But, to be honest, in black and white, it looks more like the other theory. It looks like he was trying to have a saucy conversation with you. Perhaps after the kiss it would be a what would I have to do for a fumble and then sex? Perhaps you didn't give him the answer he wanted and he got snappy. It sounds like that to be honest.
But if the first date went well, maybe give him a chance? It's true that texts are unfeeling and can be misread. Give him a chance but be on your guard hunny and don't let him have a kiss until you are ready. If he cant wait for you, then you have your answer.
I'd reply with 'Look I told you where I stand reguarding relationships. I enjoyed our first date, but if you don't actually want to get to know me before we kiss or anything else then let me know so I don't have false hopes'.
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A
female
reader, iloveblue  +, writes (8 May 2010):
 For me, his text message can be rephrased as:"Look, if you don't want me to score up a sex with you, then we might as well end this as I don't want to waste my time anymore"It's good you did not reply, delete his text and and forget that you ever met him. It is so tempting to reply with:"Look, is there any better strategy you can do than this? I wish you luck on your next prospect. Good bye."But then, do not waste your time with this immature, inexperienced jerk. He's not worth it.
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A
female
reader, raiders +, writes (7 May 2010):
 He might had wanted a dirty text conversation. He was rude to begin with and this was after the first date.He sure needs to mature and he is straight out throwing you signs SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX.........
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (7 May 2010):
I think this might be a red flag. You told him before that you take your time getting to know people, and this included him. So for him to suddenly say that would indicate that he is perhaps more interested in sex than he is with you. You only have been on one date. This isn't like you've been dating for months. You've been on one date and he's already acting like that. Very suspicious. I think it's worth going on another date with him to see what happens, but stick to your guns and don't give in. You'll soon know what he's after.
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