A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My bf and I had just gotten to our 5 months when he had an emotional affair with a new female friend. Now all I ask is if he could tell me when he goes out with friends and I would do the same. Well during that whole period I found out he went with another female friend to visit her grandparents an hour away. I thought it was weird, but we had only really begun dating. The day before valentines day he went again with her to her grandparents home.I was not fine with it but relented because that had been friends longer than our now 1 1/2 year relationship. On valentines day he referred to this friends grandmother as 'grandmother'. I thought that was weird. He won't even try to get to know my grandparents. He says he doesn't know what to say to them.My question is... Do I have a right to feel weird about this? I also have never met his female friend. Her bf feels threatened by my bf. Why didn't she take her bf? Also, how do they introduce him? Wouldn't it be weird to say I want you to meet my old friend from college but not my bf?I just find it an uncomfortable situation. I'm re-posting this because I got no responses.
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affair, grandmother, period Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2011): Is his friend pressuring him to spend that time with her? Maybe she has feelings for him and is trying to line up a new relationship before she leaves her current boyfriend. (Because some people can't be alone, they won't leave a relationship unless they have a new one started). And maybe your boyfriend doesn't know how to say no to her since they've been friends for awhile.
A
female
reader, FloridaCatGirl +, writes (20 February 2011):
 You have every right to question your boyfriend’s actions. Never ignore your gut feelings. First, why hasn’t your boyfriend introduced you to his female friend? I get the impression he is keeping you away from her for a reason.
After dating for a year and a half, your boyfriend is still unwilling to meet your grandparents, but he is willing to drive an hour away to visit his “friend’s” grandmother? This strikes me as odd. Typically, when you are in love with someone, you are willing to go out of your way to make your partner happy. When you asked your boyfriend if he’d like to meet your grandparents, he told you, “He doesn't know what to say to them.” Right, so why does he make an exception for his friend’s grandmother?
Your boyfriend had an emotional affair with another woman only 5 months into your relationship. That is another red flag. Do you suspect he is having an emotional affair with this new female? How many times has your boyfriend gone to the grandmother’s house? And, how often does your boyfriend spend time with this woman in person? Does your boyfriend text, phone, and email this woman? If so, how often?
Another concern I have is the fact that this woman’s own boyfriend feels threatened by your boyfriend. How did you find this out? Have you ever met the boyfriend? If not, do you know how to get in touch with him? You really need to talk to this man. That is the first thing I would do!
I look forward to hearing your responses to my questions. Keep your chin up!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMy bf told me that the female friend complains to him that her bf feels threatened. I do need to talk to him, I just didn't want to because we just calmed down about the EA.
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A
male
reader, Capri2  +, writes (19 February 2011):
Anyway, he cheated on you so you can't trust him, I guess. And then, his behaviour given what he has done in the past. I don't think so. In my own personal opinion he's making big mistakes here.
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A
male
reader, firstlovelastlove  +, writes (19 February 2011):
 Interesting. You are very patient. You must love him very much. From what I've read I'd say ask him about his relationship with his grandparents. Keep asking questions about stories/his relationship with his grandparents and you'll hear what it is he gets from "this friends grandmother". Then, I'm assuming you have a good relationship with your grandparents, in a non-competitive way say something like "I know what you mean. That reminds me of the time when ___ " and tell him your own experiences with your grandparents. After a year and a half there should be no question in your mind that you are the only woman in the world to him.
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A
female
reader, hpoco  +, writes (19 February 2011):
 That is weird, I would push him to explain himself. Why does she take him to her grandparents house? Does he also have a special tie to the grandparents? Its odd, but if you can get past it, its not the worst thing in the world to have happen.
More importantly, is this "emotional affair" still going on? Why won't he meet your family? Maybe your problems are less about his strange visits with this girl, and more about his inability to commit to you totally.
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A
male
reader, popeye_loves-cuspi  +, writes (19 February 2011):
My best friend is female, and my gf is fully aware that my friend is in my life, but that is all she is, a friend, nothing more and never will be.
If you asked him to tell you when he goes out with friends and doesn't, maybe not read too much into it as he may of simply forgotten, but if you ask him time and time again, then i would start to get itchy about why he never tells you.
Ask to meet the friend, if he has not introduced you by now, that does beg the question of why, and what is taking so long. It is also possible that this female friend is maybe jealous of you being in his life, and she is no longer the only lady in his life outside of his family.
The bf feeling threatened, he may well be in the exact same position as you, and asking the same questions you are!
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A
female
reader, Miss-Kirstie-Lauren +, writes (19 February 2011):
Hey, You have every right to be concerned. Nothing is worse that your boyfriend not actually cheating on your physically but mentally and emotionally. If i was you i would continue to confront him so strongly as you are not getting the response you want and it may just lead to the end of your relationship. There are things you cant to start looking out for. Watch his behaviour around you. If he suddenly stops touching you - by this i mean holding hands, cuddling, etc - then it becomes safe to assume he has feeling for this friend. If there also becomes a lack in ssexual activity, you again can assume there is someone else on his mind.Your safest way to get information and stay in the relationship is probably to sit him down and ask him straight but do not ... i repeat do not ... do this until you are sure he has become distant. It could just be that he is very close to this friend and feels more comfortable around her family because she ISNT his girlfriend. If he is introduced to your grandparents and more family member and something goes bad between the two of you then he is going to feel like it is upsetting them as well as you.Try not to get so paranoid about the situation. If you are sure something is going on then deffinately talk to him about it. Ask to meet her because you want to know his closest friends so there is no conflict between you. Good Luck x
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A
female
reader, Party rings +, writes (19 February 2011):
You have all the right to feel weird and worried about this. Ask him if you could meet this girl and if he says no then he is probably hiding something. Remember don't get stressed about it just in case it is nothing.
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A
female
reader, TEM +, writes (19 February 2011):
 This is an odd situation. I would feel weird about it too. It sounds as if your BF met his friend's grandmother and they really hit it off. If he is calling her 'grandmother' I assume she made quite an impression on him.
Some grandmothers can have that effect. I have one such grandmother. She dotes on everyone - a very loving person. I have even had old boyfriends that continued to visit her after we had broken up. This is one possible explanation.
The other possible explanation is the one you are afraid of - that these two have continued their EA in the face of their actual relationships. I must say I find it suspicious that you have not met your BF's female friend. You say you know her BF is threatened by your BF. How is it that you have spoken to her BF about this situation?
You have been seeing your BF for 1 1/2 years now. I think it is time to ask him why he continues to visit his friend's grandmother, and why his friend takes your BF rather than her own. Tell him in an unthreatening way that you are concerned. You'd like him to express some interest in meeting your family, as you two have been seeing each other for quite some time. You might also tell him you'd like to meet his female friend. I'd pay careful attention to his reaction.
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