A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my boyfriend for 10 months we have finished twice for stupid reasons in between this and while we finished he slept with some. We have been back on for 4 months now and it's going brilliantly, but I found texts from the girl he slept with on his phone. I know I shouldn't be looking at his phone but I have been cheated on in the past and I find it hard to trust men. I do trust my boyfriend in a way but I think I maybe a bit self conscious with myself and I don't find I'm good enough for him. The texts that I found on his phone was that, they want to meet up one evening and that she is trying to get a job for him where she works. The thing is they are texting everyday. Also on of the texts to her was saying he was going out for a beer with his mate when actually he was spending the evening it with me. He has told me he is just waiting to hear from a job but nothing about her because he knows how I feel about her. I don't think I can stand her but that is probably just because I'm jealous. What do you think I should do? Or do you think I'm just being stupid and paranoid? I don't think I could ask him about it because then he will know i have been looking through his phone and that I don't trust him.
View related questions:
a break, jealous, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Tine +, writes (1 March 2010):
 does he know that you do know that he is texting someone else?? If he doesn't then i suggest you let him know. And see his reaction, don't say you know the content of the texting (even when you do) and just ask him to be truthful with you. If he does decided to come clean then i would give him an ultimatium, either stop texting her or lose you.
If he doesnt come clean however then i would ask myself, do you want to be with this guy who was so quick to jump into bed with another girl just after breaking up with you? He sounds like a liar and a player and really honey you do deserve better.
A
female
reader, chloeapple +, writes (1 March 2010):
You don't trust this boy, and, from what you've said have no reason to.
The thing about having a "break" is that they don't really work. Let me put it this way- when you were apart, did you sleep with anyone? You can't have a break from loving for someone- its doesn't work like that. If your boyfriend is prepared to sleep with someone else while you two are supposed to be working out issues then the relationship is already over.
How would he behave if you were doing the same thing? You don't feel good enough because he isn't treating you well enough. If my partner was texting a girl he had slept because he was "waiting to hear about a job" I would be in tears. That is such inappropriate, selfish behaviour, and you deserve better than that. It is shocking that he thinks staying in contact with her is appropriate for any reason. He sounds selfish and its not fair that your feelings are getting smacked around by his immaturity.
Best of luck darling, don't let anyone make you feel bad about yourself- no wonder you feel like you are not good enough. He sounds like he doesn't care about your feelings. xx
...............................
A
female
reader, bicknelll +, writes (1 March 2010):
As your boyfriend slept with someone in between you two being together your paranoia is completely understandable. And the fact that he hasn't talked to you about her yet is a bit strange. I strongly advise you talk to him even if you don't want to because as you said he'll know that you've gone through his phone but surely he understands your previous experiences with men so maybe he'll see you as just untrusting rather than paranoid. If you don't talk to him there's really not much you can do. Relationships are built on talking and communicating with each other especially about stuff like this and things you're worried about. Just ask him where he got his contact from for this job opening and if he doesn't tell you, you've got to tell him you've seen the messages.
...............................
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (1 March 2010):
Read what you've written and really think about it.
1) You and this guy have already split up twice in ten months and he was quick to sleep with someone else.
2) He is now in contact with that girl and texts her every day.
3) He said to her that he was with a mate when he was really with you (which means she doesn't know about you at all and he's lying to her)
4) He is now getting a job with her.
These are four very good reasons to end it with him. First of all it's not working out between you at all, and secondly it's clear that this other girl who has slept with means a lot to him, though not enough that he can tell her the truth which means he's probably playing her as well. End it with him and move on.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2010): You have a right to check your partner's phone and texts, and such, being people abuse them so much by cheating such as he is doing with you. Just the fact that he is working to maintain his close relationship with her behind your back is cheating on you. That doesn't make you jealous, just smart and concerned, and shows you love him and that you're trying to make things work without deceit getting in the way. You're not jealous, paranoid or any other bad thing,..only concerned, just like you're not at fault for anything he is doing. Tell him that you found how he's lying about his time with you, to her, and how he's talking to her and wanting to get closer to her by working with her, and that if he doesn't cut all ties with her, including where he decides to work, and doesn't stop texting her as part of that communication, you'll dump him flat, and never go back to him again. It sounds like he's had his fun while you were on your time apart, but that they've never really split up, themselves, so he's leading a double life as long as you allow it to continue. Once you threaten what will become of your relationship together if he continues this, be even more careful of how he might be going behind your back, because so far you obviously can't trust him. Don't allow him anymore screw ups to that degree in the future, and if he does it again, end your relationship with him forever. Technology is used alot for cheating nowadays, so don't feel bad for checking his phone, email or chat sites like Facebook if you get the chance, because you have just as much right to know if he's cheating on you these ways as in real life. Put your foot down and make him choose you or her, and don't give him any extra time to think about it. He's not worth it if he can't decide quickly, and he doesn't deserve time to think about whether he should continue pleasing this other girl or staying with you and being able to be happy without anyone else.
...............................
|
