A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:im 27 and have two boys from two previous relationships and my boy of more than a year is 28 and has a two kids as well with his ex whom he was with for 5 years. we have been living together for a year now and it was great at first but little by little his ex whom they have been separated for 3 years and were going through child support visitation started to get more involved in my boyfriends life by letting him come over to her house more to see the kids and go out together and of course he wanted because when it comes to his kids he will be there. well now he goes everyday all day once he gets off of work and i recently found out i was pregnant i was taking my birth control so it was a shock for me. but my boyfriend has broken up with me and just tells me i shouldnt have this baby and dont think he is going to see this baby the same way he is with his kids. and well now we are moving out since the lease is up and im stuck not knowing what to do , should i not keep the baby im so scared to be a single mom with three kids, i will probably stay at my moms now. im so hurt that my boyfriend has turned this way. him and his family say i planned this to try to trap him since he was going so much to see his kids. but it wouldnt bother me but now i dunno he is probably trying to get back with his ex. what do i do?
View related questions:
his ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Tine  +, writes (2 March 2010):
 awk well done im glad to hear it i hope you and your family all the best!
A
female
reader, Sharon1111  +, writes (2 March 2010):
 Wow! Way to go! What a gal! You have what it takes.
Be careful with him, ok? It is usually best to go no contact with these guys or they mess with our minds and can create lots of trouble. I hope you get away nice and easy.
All the very best :)
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you all so much for you responses, my ex got on my chat and started sayin nobody beleives and all i did was try to trap him and he will never get back with me even if i have the baby and good luck ....... so i said decided to keep my baby and basically i told him to go to hell and he doesnt have to have no part of this and im leaving out of the apt today and leaving my phone there because phone is under his name and im moving on and not looking back , thank you all
...............................
A
female
reader, Tine +, writes (1 March 2010):
im feel sorry for you that you have to go through all of this pretty much on your own, however think of it this way. You have already raised 2 children from your previous relationship, so what makes you think you cannot do this with anohter child. Only really you will know if you want to keep the baby but please do not make your decison based on the selfishness acts of your boyfriend.
He makes a big point of being there for his kids and being such a good father although he is willing to let you get rid of his new unborn child?? Personally i think that he ex was the one who trapped him, and she knew what she was doing by inviting him over to her house. You sound like you have a great family behind you with the help from your mother you should ask her opinon and tell her how you feel. I think that she will more than likely be there for you and support you in whatever you decide.
...............................
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (1 March 2010):
I'm so sorry you have been treated this way. Far from you trapping him, I think it was you who was set up and used as a rebound whilst he tried to worm his way back into his ex's life. I'm sure you are scared, but you need to do what you feel is right. If you decide to keep the baby, he is legally responsible for it whether he likes it or not. If you don't, you will be the one who has to have the abortion. I think you need to sit down with your mum, or maybe a counsellor and really take a look at your life and what you want from it. Because it is now about you. Sit down, really think about what you want, whether you can cope and such, then make the decision. Don't be rushed or bullied. Make the decision that you know is right in your heart.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2010): Keep your baby, as difficult as it may be to live as a single mother. If you're staying at mom's, maybe she'll be able to help out with the children or baby. Someone once told me a saying, "America was raised by grandparents," and that can be very true, when it comes to how much some grandparents are willing to help. I know it first hand, so just move on with your life, but for the baby's sake, keep it, and give it everything you can, but don't ever rely on birth control again. It doesn't work as effectively as many girls preach, even when used completely as directed. Instead, always have the guy use a condom, and properly, and always provide the guy with the condom, and never give it to him ahead of time. Make him put in on right in front of you, without him handling it when you're not around. Some guys will poke a hole through the wrapper and or condom in hopes of secretly inpregnating you. Don't just trust as guy's word about him having a vasectomy either. Those can fail at times, too, believe it or not, so make sure there's always something between you and the possible sperm, provided by you, and only handled in front of you. Yes, condoms can break, but usually if you're careful and also check every now and then to ensure it's still on, the very odd time it might break will usually be a freak occurance and not result in a pregnancy. Just feel good about having the baby instead, though, and look at it in a good light. Try to find happiness in the baby..it's a blessing and an angel you'll be taking care of, as well.
...............................
A
female
reader, Sharon1111 +, writes (1 March 2010):
I'm sorry you are facing this. It's really tough but you can come through this ok, with time.
It sounds as if you have to write this guy off, like a bad dept, so sad to say. I think you should just let him go and concentrate on what you want to do with your life.
A baby! Well, do you want it? Do YOU want it? Will you love it and be his or her good Mom forever? Would it make you so sad, or worse, to abort it or give it up for adoption? Think carefully about this. Take all the time you need.
If you want this baby, then surround yourself with those who love you and let the rest go like a bad dream.
There can be benefits in letting the biological father of one's child go, in particular, you can be FREE of him. Later on, you may well not want this guy around. Seems to me that you could do better and he could be a big problem.
One day I hope you find a guy who will truly love, respect and value you. And so you very well could.
...............................
A
female
reader, followtheblackrabbit  +, writes (1 March 2010):
 You're in a very tough situation, and it's probably very overwhelming. I'm not going to tell you to keep or get rid of the baby. I will tell you though, to take some time to yourself and think. Your ex doesn't seem like a very kind person, and no matter what he or his family implies, this situation is not your fault. You did not intentionally plan this.
With every decision you make, think of the children you have. Think about how your choices may or may not affect them. Remember too, that this baby would also be your ex's. And whether he wanted it or not, as the father, he by law has a responsibility to the child if you keep it. Do not let his words frighten you or pressure you into your decision.
Talk things over with your mother too since you might be living with her. It's normal to be scared about the situation you might be taking on, and there's nothing wrong with that.
If you have the baby and for any reason cannot support it, adoption is an option that might help. Open adoption is especially good. You can receive pictures of the child, see how its doing, and maybe even visit once in a while and be a part of its life, though of course, not in the role of a mother. There are numerous couples out there in want of a child. This might be a good option for you.
Just please, don't make an irrational decision. After you've thouroughly gone through the options you have, take some time to yourself-completely by yourself- and simply think. Best of luck...
...............................
|
