A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Today I talked to my ex boyfriend about coming to this new state where I live now to make better choices for himself we both did some wild things during our relationship that's why I chose to move away. I wanted better for myself. I have a new job now I told him if he comes here he may get the same chance I was given.Long story short he went on saying he wasn't looking for work to come visit me and this and that and he really has been thinking of coming but he does have funds.Real Talk I love him but I will not be paying for no man to come see me.If he doesn't come I think that would be fine because he thinks I have another guy anyway but I don't I have been caring about this man for years now he feel like he less of a man cause he 's not working.
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female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (22 September 2012):
 Most welcome.People can and do change all the time, for better or worse. But your ex hasn't given you (or me anyway) enough reason to think he has. He isn't working and isn't looking for work. He's made is clear he wants to see you but can't afford the trip, leaving the door open for you to volunteer.I don't see that as a positive change. And THAT is what counts. It sounds like you've done well for yourself and that you're better off without him. Good luck and thanks for the feedback.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2012): Thanks Ciar he is my pass and that's where he will stay in the pass. I have been waiting so long to do something different for me and I made it .And if all this means finding new everything than so be it.Our life styles together wasn't healthy anyway and it may occur again.i was thinking people do change but in this case change hasn't touch him yet.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2012): Honestly from your action of leaving the state, it's clear to see that you two aren't right together, I praise you for having the strength to go away but now you need to take the next step, completely cut yourself out of his life in that way, for your own good.
While it's never nice to hear about someone you consider a friend to be having problems, sadly its not YOUR problem. You're both adults, plus many adults would be embarassed to talk about these kinds of things no matter how good your relationship, so I fear he may be using you?
I made a large change in my life a while ago for the better, now many friends want to copy me, but honestly I tell them not to, not because it's not right for them but because they want to COPY my life, this is impossible, life holds different cards for everyone, my advice would be to try and guide him to a positive change, there's a good chance for him that won't be the same as yours! If a change wants to come then great, you should both welcome that, but guide him that it needs to be HIS change, wherever that may lead him
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A
female
reader, Ciar +, writes (22 September 2012):
What exactly is your question?You suggested that your ex boyfriend relocate to where you are so he can take advantage of new opportunities as you have. He got annoyed, told you he wasn't looking for work, but to come and see you but that he doesn't have the funds to cover the trip. You have wisely declined to pay for his visit. Right so far?Good choice. Sounds like you've solved this one yourself. Food for thought...if you two are entertaining the possibility of getting back together then I say neither of you has really grown up since the break up. Moving on means just that. Caring about someone or having feelings for them does not mean you should be together. Leave the past in the past.
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