A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi I have quite a hard question to ask. I have fallen in love for the first time and it is the greatest feeling i've ever felt in my life. I'm sure a lot of you have been there before when you don't even notice anyone else it's quite funny sometimes. I don't really have to describe her but she is incredible so funny and nice not to mention stunning, she my best girl friend if you get me and has been for as long as I can remember. We've always got on so well, she's kind of like the girl next door in a way cus we're like best friends and tell each other everything. Everyone else always says how perfect we are for each other ext. but of course there's a problem, she has a boyfriend of 3 and a half years. She's 16 and he's 19 and I feel a bit out of my depth really cus we're the same age. One day when we were talking like usuall I told her how I felt and she said she ws really flattered and not suprised. There was even a rumour going around that she was going to dump him for me. I then asked her how she felt about me and she didn't answer for months in fact we stopped talking. We always looked at each other when we walking past and I went to a really bad place until she finally admitted just a week ago she loved me too, but loved her bf aswell. So of course if you are in love with two people your going to stick with the 3 and a half year bf. It's always been a bit weird over the years knowing every detail of her sex life with him and her vivid detail (quite funny at times) But now we're friends again but she won't get close to me at all amid fears I guess she would cheat on him. Now with Prom coming up and after we're going away with all our friends to Newquay awkward comes to mind. To add more fuel to the fire this girl that is going has promised to have sex with me after prom there cus she said she wanted to do me a favour as I am a virgin and the girl I like is VERY much not. She doesn't mind i'm in love with someone else and said she'd like to anyway. Everyone knows this and everytime it's brought up I can see the girl I love getting quite annoyed and uncomfortable and changes the subject. This whole thing is very weird although I have to say I'm not worried. I'm quite layed back and just go with what's happening. What should I do about all this in your wise opinions :) Thanks in advance for the advice.P.S Sorry for the very long question. I needed to get this off my chest.
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best friend, has a boyfriend, sex life, she has a boyfriend Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2009): I was in a situation similar to this and this one quote helped me through it"True love conquers everthing" If what you have together really is true love trust me it may not be now but one day you will be together.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2009): This is me for the last time thanks to everyone for some great advice, JasonX you are particularly legendary props to you man, maybe in another life we could have been friends ah well i know now what I have to do. It's going to be very hard to get over her but now that i'm backing off I guess it's her descision now. Thanks guys.
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A
female
reader, baby_tinney  +, writes (17 June 2009):
 My advice to you is to be her friend the one she can talk to about anything and everything.You dont have to stop loving her but you do need to stop chasing her or you are going to run her out of your life.You are both so young you dont know whats going to happy later but right now she has someone.Dont make her feel like she needs to chose bcuz I think you already know who will win in the end.I do wish you all the best.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2009): Hi this is me again. Thanks both of you for your opinions, I get what your saying totaly. I mean it would be like going out with my best friend so would cause a lot of strain if there were a relationship and it sounds a bit too storybook i know. Maybe that's why I love her so much. It's not like i've ever had trouble finding a girl i've had quite a lot considering i'm quite young and have done everything but sex. I guess I don't see sex as this sacred thing between 2 people who love each other people really just use it to judge each other. But that's just me hey. Any other opinions would be great thanks to everyone.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2009): Hmm love is a great thing yup...but well check out this piece of advice. Falling in love is great. Being together in love with that someone is even better. Oh young one you have done what you could but in the end the one you loved picked the other. Sucks but that is a big part of life. And it sounds like you are okay with this..her choosing the other guy...well not "okay" but you've taken it like a man so props to you.
But after thinking about her so much maybe its time you think about yourself for once. You seem mature while layed back as well like you said and I say take that opportunity to lose your virginity. You are young, and you need to have your fun too. There's plenty of other girls out there, each with their own unique personality, feelings, looks and everything. Plus there's your whole great life ahead of you and so much more to experience and enjoy. Love...it gets more complicated and things do not get easier (esp women!).
So you got this off your chest. Good. The girl who is VERY much not a virgin...learn from her, but don't forget to use protection.
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A
female
reader, love-struckxo  +, writes (17 June 2009):
 The love you have explained for her - almost sounds like a fairy tale. If only she didn't have a boyfriend, and you guys could be together... But of course, that's not the case.
I know you love this girl - but it sounds like you may just need to let go. I know it's easier said then done. But, she may love you but obviously not enough to dump her boyfriend to be with you. What does that say?
It sounds like you guys have developed a great friendship and you should just leave it at that. I know what it feels like to have your best friend be in love with you, and it really is alot of pressure, when I first found out it put a huge strain on our friendship. Dating your best friend comes at alot of risks.
What would happen if you guys dated, but then it didn't work out? Would you guys still be friends? Or would you guys end up hating eachother? and all these years of friendship would be brushed under the rug.. just like that.
Of course you guys could be in love forever and live happily ever after, but right now that doesn't sound like the case.
Do you see where i'm going with this? I don't mean to sound harsh or anything.
I also don't think you should have sex with this another girl just to lose your virginity. You should wait until you are with someone you love. I wouldn't go as far as say, marriage.. but you know what I mean.
I know your not going to be able to just forget your feelings for her like that, but just weigh your options out here.
You can either wait around and hope she dumps her boyfriend and be's with you.
Or you could move on with your life, and find a girlfriend who loves you, and you just might end up loving her too..
Take care.
xx
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A
female
reader, betty_black +, writes (17 June 2009):
 Look, shes clearly very confused too. Liking two guys is definitely not easy, and loving two guys is even harder. She must love her boyfriend more to have chosen to remain with him but still has some feeling there for you hence why she gets jealous whenever the topic comes up of you sleeping with this girl. Must you really just lose your virginity to someone you have no feeling for for the sake of it anyway?
My advice to you is to stop the chasing. I guarantee that the minute you stop acting so in love with her she'll realise and wanna come running. And if she doesnt then more fool her. You'll find someone else anyway, i know it feels like your in love now, but loves a very deep and emotional thing that happens between two people that connect on a level you dont connect with just anyone on. And intimacy is a big part of that.
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