A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have come across and found I am very attracted to and have a 'crush' on a younger guy. I feel as if I'm back in high school again! I started noticing him because he would sort of stare at me when we were around each other. He is 20. I feel he is also interested in me, but in a way is in awe of me, seems surprised, and happy of the attention I've given him thus far. However yikes, this is quite a huge age gap! I do look much younger than I am. For example I was volunteering at my local high school earlier this week and a teacher who didn't know much about me thought I was like 18/19! I've always had a baby face and I exercise almost everyday and eat right. I myself am going through some of the same aspects of life as many typical 20 year olds. I am having to adjust figuring out what I'm going to do when I 'grow up', settle into a career, and even looking at going back to school. Is he too young for me? To make matters worse (for me) I just found out his mom is the same age as me! Gasp lol. That means she had him when she was only 14........but yikes, it makes me feel a little awkward knowing I'm around the same age as his mom. Which brings me to another question...we've only chatted a few times. He does know I am older than him, but he does not know how much older I am than him. I am tempted to lie about it, but this would be a terrible idea-wouldn't it? Any other women who have experiences dating younger men, please chime in. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (8 February 2016):
 Don't lie about your age, lies like that will come out at one point.
And I have to say... 20 might be too young. He is BARELY out of his teens. Now he might like the idea of an older cougar, but it might not work long term. He is 20. He has a LOT of maturing and growing to do.
I don't think there in general is a problem with age-gap relationships, but I usually stand by the both parties should be over 25. Because at 25 a person have done most of their development (unless they are stagnating, the "perpetual teens" who refuse to "grow up") - but most people have SOME life experience, work experience, emotional, romantic, sexual and social experience at 25.
Just go slow and don't lie or be "fake" to try and catch a guy.
A
male
reader, RevMick  +, writes (7 February 2016):
 Don't lie about it. Be open and honest.
It could be an infatuation, or just taking solace in someone who is giving you attention.
Age shouldn't really play a part. You are both consenting adults. I would check to see what he want's out of life.
He may want a Mrs Robinson or a mother figure, or he just might like older women.
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A
female
reader, dean93  +, writes (7 February 2016):
Hello! I think it really boils down to what you want in life and whether he has similar goals. Are you dating for fun or do you intend it to be serious? If you would like to date for fun and take it from there, then I would say go for it. If it turns into something serious though, I think other factors should be taken into consideration like kids, marriage, finances etc and someone 14 years younger than you might not be in the same place as you by then.
From my experience though, I did not like going on dates with younger guys, not even 2 years younger than me. It seemed like we wanted different things. My boyfriend's older brother is also dating a woman older than him and already they seem to be at different places in life, she wants to settle down and have kids while he wants to build up his career.
I don't think it's a good idea to lie about your age. Even if you only want to be friends with him, I see no need to base a relationship on lies, no matter how innocuous they might appear to me, much less if it is a guy you might be interested in going out with.
I wish you all the best!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2016): You are both adults. You are both single. Why not go for coffee or lunch and see where it goes from there?Might he be immature? Possibly. 20 is still young, even if an adult. But not so young as to not understand consequences or to not be able to handle sex and relationships.If this were are 30-35 year old man considering a fling with a 20 year old woman, most might think it weird for like 2 seconds before not caring.Why is it considered bad if the woman is older? The younger man is in his sexual peak and the older woman is in hers.So act like adults and see if there is anything there if you want. No one can stop you. It could be a bust, or it could lead to a most incredible experience, emotionally and/or sexually. Or it might just lead to a good friendship.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (6 February 2016):
 My husband is 6 years younger than I am. We met when he was 34 and I was 40. Age has never been a problem for us because we both have the same interests, the same temperment and the same goals in life. I look far younger than I am and no one ever can guess there is an age difference.
But 20? and 34?? I wouldn't do it, wouldn't even consider it. He would be fun if you just want a little fun..but anything serious?? NO WAY..you are just asking for trouble dating a 20 year old. Most men are not mature at that age, don't know what they want and are not even close to being ready for a relationship. I'd pass on this. Again...unless you are just both up for a casual kind of thing. And trust me..unless his mom really doesn't care about him..she will NOT be thrilled with him dating a woman her age. I sure wouldn't have been!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2016): Ha ha...I think you know when fire means danger dont you.Considering dating or bedding a lad when you are his mums age is not a good idea, no matter how svelte you seem.Do you really want to be Mrs Robinson of college.Oh no my friend you may charm and beguile him but you do not want to date him if you want to keep your dignity and sanity intact.You have much to offer any man so it is no wonder this lad looks at you in awe,but with your assets you can get you a proper man, one who will bed you and help you to emjoy it, one who can help you to drive your life forward in a very adult way.Set yourself a standard, rather arbitrarily , say about thirty years old and keep away from the lads.Mr right will materialise soon on his motorbike to whisk you off on adventure and romance but dont go for lads still on their trainer wheels because when they grow up they will dump you forcefully, horribly and painfully and you will be so damned annoyed with them that you will feel angry with yourself..albeit a little too late.Now it is getting to springs all the guys will be getting horny and dying for a shag so dont be surprised if the enntire male population wants to jump on you for a quick grind, but play it cool sister and be very choosy , ignoring the younger lads and setlle for someone with a future.This will help with your own need to grow up and spare you a lot of later misery about lost oportunity and the humiliation of the college fiasco.You dont expect to hear "she doesnt really believe she's twenty does she?"You know you look good so whats the big deal?
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