A
male
age
41-50,
*nwind
writes:XXX is to protect my ex's name, and mine. Please tell me of the tone of the letter, and the idea of the ballet tix. I am asking of as many people's feedback as possible.-----Dear XXXX,I ask you to read these words with an open mind and heart. I want the message conveyed in this letter to be as profound as intended.The time I had spent away from you has been very beneficial. I have learned a lot about myself while we’ve been apart and I also realized just how important you are to me. I wanted to be a better man for you, but did not realize just how much my actions pushed you away. I want to make amends for this. The very last thing I intended to do was to make you feel undesired and unwanted romantically; but at the end of the day, it was my actions that matter. During our time apart I have continued working to further develop myself to ensure that I do not repeat the same mistakes. Since I last saw you, I have attended another one-on-one intimacy improvement session, a communication workshop designed to help recognize different communication styles and to learn to be more open emotionally and to express myself better, and I also attended two more therapy sessions to put everything I learned together and to better myself going forward. An intriguing proverb I have heard expresses a great point: “Experience is the most harsh teacher, it gives the test before the lesson.” While I have failed the test, I have learned the lessons. The most powerful lesson that I learned, aside from recognizing what I need to improve on, is simply that I should look to continually improve myself to allow a relationship to evolve rather than to let it be in a standstill, and to be open and not hold back, and to fight for what I truly believe in.I love a lot of things about you. I love listening to you tell stories about your students. I love your impressions of your father. I love that you are so close to your family and friends, and that you care for and worry about your sister so much. I love how you feed Bentley leftovers, and how you chase him down during the wee hours. I miss your long voice messages, and I miss your voice. I can listen to you talk for hours about whatever is on your mind. I miss the way your lips curl up before you kiss me. I miss your lips and kissing them. I love that you appreciate the smaller things life has to offer. I love how caring and loyal you are. I miss cooking new recipes with you, and even missed how we messed up the chicken dish. I really enjoyed the cream cheese, chicken dinner you made for me. I love the fact that I talked you out of using your blanket to move your old monster, ancient TV down two flights of stairs. That would have been a disaster. I miss waking up next to you. I miss walking aimlessly around the city with you. I miss holding your hands. I miss holding you at the Mos Def concert. I miss riding roller coasters with you by my side until we got a bit nauseous. I miss dancing with you at the wedding. I miss dancing with you in your apartment. I miss looking at you, and talking to you from across the table at a new restaurant. I miss your text messages about your analysis of the latest episode of 24 that you saw. I miss your laugh. I miss your smile. Oh, that smile of yours is amazing. And, most of all, I miss you.When I first met you at Madison Square Park on a rainy Wednesday night with music playing in the background, I remember the look you gave me as we first exchanged words. I remember sharing our first bottle of chilled, white wine at Notaro Ristorante. I remember the first time you took me out to brunch in the Italian restaurant on the Upper East Side four days later. I remember when we first held hands at the Guggenheim Museum, and that you were mad when I gave you a small peck at the end of that night. I want to give you many more pecks and many more passionate kisses. I understand that I should have expressed myself more verbally, physically and with small gestures, and to open up “my world“ to you, and I realize that I did not do a good job of expressing myself. I see that now. I am ready to be in a serious relationship with you, XXX.I ask from the bottom of my heart to give us another chance. I have done more than I would ever imagine. My efforts in all I have done so far are pure and genuine. As you know, hardships are inevitable in relationships. I have not really experienced them, with few exceptions, and that is probably why I handled this experience so poorly. I imagine that you not only want someone you can respect, but someone who has a good character and can learn from his mistakes. I am so proud of myself for doing what I had not thought I could do in terms of personal development. I have never met someone that has made me want to change as much as you. That is how much you mean to me.I believe deep in my heart that it will work. I understand it will be like starting over again in a sense. But in a few short weeks, I truly believe our bond will be stronger than ever. I believe I deserve another chance at love with you.In the past, I never fought for anyone . . . because I never had to, and because for the first time in my life, I fell in love with an amazing woman. I want to be your amazing man.Considering your passion and your pursuit of a ballet career, I included a pair of tickets to the ballet. They are yours to keep. I am hopeful you will choose me to take you out to the ballet that day. What do you say?I love to hear from you. Feel free to call me at any time. As you know, I will always listen.With all my heart,XXX
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fell in love, I love you, kissing, my ex, text, wedding Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, unwind +, writes (16 April 2010):
unwind is verified as being by the original poster of the questionq1605 - You are absolutely right. I learned the hard way. I put a protective shield for some reason and never really let love in. It looks like I will get a second chance to show my true colors.
A
male
reader, unwind +, writes (15 April 2010):
unwind is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSimply lack of intimacy . . . check my earlier post, it's all there.
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A
male
reader, unwind +, writes (15 April 2010):
unwind is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI actually left a voice message last night asking her to meet on Sunday for lunch or dinner. I will see what she says. It is going to take a while to build our relationship and for her to get comfortable around me. I will leave the invites to my place for later. I think it's too early for that.
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A
male
reader, unwind +, writes (15 April 2010):
unwind is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThe ballet is on April 24, a bit over one week. I will post how it went. I figure, most posters will be interested.
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A
male
reader, IHateWomanBeaters +, writes (15 April 2010):
 be nice to herAll I respond to is trash and people that are dealing with trash. Good luck sir,You are good guy.keep it up.
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A
male
reader, unwind +, writes (15 April 2010):
unwind is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAnd who says that a love letter to your ex cannot work :)
Thanks everyone for your support.
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A
female
reader, raiders +, writes (14 April 2010):
 Great news, now go and fancy your gal! Good Luck!
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (14 April 2010):
 Excellent update. I do hope this goes well for you!
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (14 April 2010):
 Wonderful news!
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A
male
reader, unwind +, writes (14 April 2010):
unwind is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYes, I got treatment and I continue to see a sex/relationship therapist. I do not feel pain anymore.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (14 April 2010):
Eyes has a really good question here. All this effort and energy could go right down the tubes if you haven't taken care of this issue.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (14 April 2010):
"The reason of the breakup was due to pain I had when having intercourse and I kept stopping not knowing what was wrong. I freaked out. I never seeked help due to fear of finding out what was wrong with me."
So did you ever find out what was wrong? Have you fixed the problem or is it just going to crop up again?
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (14 April 2010):
Did I overlook the part where you got your dick fixed?
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A
male
reader, unwind +, writes (14 April 2010):
unwind is verified as being by the original poster of the questionQuick question - the ballet is in 10 days, do you think I should suggest meeting before hand, or maybe our second first date should be the actual ballet and I should just wait til then? We made no mention during the phone call of when we should meet next. I believe that I should speak to her about what I have done in detail
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2010): That's good news, I wish you all the best and what ever happens, you can know that love exists inside of you and is not given to you by her but a reflection of your own soul....you deserve the best from her, don't settle or less.
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A
male
reader, IHateWomanBeaters +, writes (13 April 2010):
haha just messin...
congratulations, first guy who deserves a second chance!
go get her...
make her happy...
so you can be happy!
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (12 April 2010):
 First off - HOORAY FOR YOU!!!! A happy ending! This seriously made my day.
Secondly to Q - your avatar makes me really happy. I love Pearls Before Swine!!
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A
male
reader, unwind +, writes (12 April 2010):
unwind is verified as being by the original poster of the questionShe called me today and said that she is willing to try again. She emphasized that it might not work, but it is worth another shot. She then said that she would love to see me again. it's been 6 weeks since I last saw her.
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A
male
reader, unwind +, writes (3 April 2010):
unwind is verified as being by the original poster of the questionFYI: I sent the letter this morning (I just changed very few things from the version you see here, but it's basically the same) . . . she should get it by Tuesday after work by the very latest. As promised, I will let you know.
Thanks for everyone's support :)
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A
male
reader, unwind +, writes (31 March 2010):
unwind is verified as being by the original poster of the questionballet tickets go on sale on Monday, so I have to wait a few days. I feel so alone in this world man. I feel like a fool for not handling this issue earlier.
I hope she takes me back. I think there is a chance, but I don't know. I also feel bad for not telling her I love you as much as she did me. I love her so much.
Well, I will definitely keep you posted and thank you for the vote of confidence. I have made some slight modifications to my original, but I have to keep my personal style.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2010): ....All I can do is marvel.
You've learned, you've taken positive action, you're ready to bring a New You to a New Life with this woman.
I believe you truly deserve another chance, and not only that, but the happiness that will hopefully follow on from that.
If she ever truly loved you, she will weigh this letter carefully. And most likely choose to give things another shot with you. I certainly hope she does!
I don't think your letter needs editing, really. You run the risk of losing its personal flavour, if you start chopping bits out....
Go for it, my friend. I wish you every happiness. You're an inspiration.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2010): I didn't read every other aunts advice, I thought the revision by Q was helpful, merge that with your original....If I was this woman, I would believe you, that you wanted me and wanted me forever. Be prepared to back that up with commitment and action....if you aren't then think twice because it isn't nice to fool with mother nature...(aw, I am sure you are too young to remember that one).
If she doesn't melt into your arms, then don't feel badly, she wasn't ready, it truly isn't your fault and you will have to accept her decision.
I hope everything turns out the way you hope for. I love fools in love.
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A
male
reader, unwind +, writes (31 March 2010):
unwind is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWOW . . . thank you for your feedback . . . everyone. I did not imagine so many people would dedicate the time to read and provide their insights on something that is so important to me and my potential future with her. While I agree that the likelihood that she decides to give this another go is probably not in my favor, as the saying goes "You never know." I have heard of the most unlikely outcomes when it comes to relationships and that people to work things out, but I can analyze and try to predict all I want. The outcome is out of my hands.I will add this though . . . I plan on leaving a beautiful vase and flowers with the envelope containing the letter and tickets in them to be in the middle of the flowers in front of her apartment door. Her neighbor agreed to help me out. This way it does not come through her mailbox and I think this is even more romantic.No, I am not abusive in anyway. Our relationship was respectful in every sense. Just hope for the best outcome and hopefully love prevails here . . .
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A
male
reader, IHateWomanBeaters +, writes (31 March 2010):
dude!
go get her!
i have never said on this site.
go get her and find out what is wrong with your dick!
seriously!
I am the first one to say, BREAK UP. or He is a fucking asshole. He is a punk etc.
I have nothing negative to say here.
If that's it, go ahead.
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A
male
reader, unwind +, writes (31 March 2010):
unwind is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThe reason of the breakup was due to pain I had when having intercourse and I kept stopping not knowing what was wrong. I freaked out. I never seeked help due to fear of finding out what was wrong with me. She got impatient. I understand why. She probably thought it was her and I did not desire her as I should. That was the only reason wrong with the breakup. I will let you guys know the outcome. I just have to wait for the ballet tickets to go on sale. FYI: We broke up 2 months ago.
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A
female
reader, Hard_decision  +, writes (31 March 2010):
I have to say this is a pretty amazing letter. I am hoping what you have written truly has come from your heart and is purely genuine and not something you've gotten out of a romance novel. I loved when you tell her everything you miss about her, even down to the tiny detail of how her lips curl right before you kissed them.. or the fact that you remembered what day it was and how the weather was when you first met. Just shows that you pay attention to every little detail when it involves someone you obviously adore. I also appreciate the fact that you recognise your flaws and have helped yourself become a better man. I dont know what happened between the two of you as to why you split - but I know if I received a similiar letter from my ex (who cheated on me and a baby was the end result) I would have SUCH a hard time ignoring the letter.. But then again some men are just real smooth talkers and know just want a woman wants to hear.. but like I said - if your 110% genuine and would NEVER EVER hurt her again, go for it and send it. But like someone else said - during the time you were bettering yourself, she may have lost that love for you and found a guy that could treat her right straight away.
Good luck, keep us updated whether or not you send it and the outcome. xx
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (30 March 2010):
Well, I really think that this letter is great. It's thoughtful, elegant, and it doesn't sound desperate, needy or pushy. And, the tickets are a really wonderful idea. If someone did that for me, I would be so happy that they knew me so well.
So, knowing absolutely nothing about your previous relationship, who you are and who you two were together, I definitely think that this letter is really sweet and that you should send it. Good luck!
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (30 March 2010):
 I also actually thought he wrote this to you. Send this letter to him already. You are a good writer, I wish someone would write this to me. I am glad you are a DP uncle here.
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A
female
reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (30 March 2010):
 Yes send it like that. You can only but try
Good luck to you.
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A
male
reader, Brunel  +, writes (30 March 2010):
Follow that if i did not know ms this is someone who is deeply in love with you! Passion and emotion are engraved in the text and clearly much time and effort has been spent. The attention to the detail about you is moving. I do not know what this gal did to you before but a sea change has ocurred. It is moving and a letter that we would all love to recieve or have texts with such contents.
It is not what we read into this it is what you want from this rather remarkable woman? It is make your mind up time - where do you want to go?
Why do you need all our opinions time to ship her in or take flight? Call her now if you have the bottle? I bet she is as fit as abutchers' dog! n'est par?
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (30 March 2010):
Nevermind, I just realized that you're writing it to your ex...same opinion though. I was a little confused what was hard to understand, but I get it now...you're the one writing the letter. Duh, silly me.
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (30 March 2010):
This letter is pretty upfront, I don't know what you could be missing here? Sounds like your ex is a pretty romantic guy that has tried to make improvements in his life to better himself to be a better partner for you. Obviously, you like ballet and he probably thought it would be appropriate to give them to you as a gift but hopes that you'll invite him. Maybe he wanted to take you but was afraid you would say no, so he just gave them to you and hopes you'll take him. As far as any ex's way of trying to get back in, it looks like he's pretty sincere in my eyes. There's a lot of things I wouldn't fall for, but I would fall for this. I must admit, it's pretty sweet.
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A
male
reader, IHateWomanBeaters +, writes (30 March 2010):
I say as long as you were not physically or emotionally abusive towards her, why not?
I say that, because you were married, and you had all that time to fix yourself.
Coming back with something like, not being able to give affection as needed is ok.
Coming back after putting someone through an abusive dating relationship, serious relationship, living together relationship, and marriage only to try and come back x amount of time later? Not ok
So if you are genuine and being HONEST with us, I say it is good and go for it.
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A
female
reader, mizz.butterflies +, writes (30 March 2010):
 its very good :-)and to give you more feedback,i suggest you take out the "call me anytime u want " part. Yes,you can be romantic all you want but don't sound like your way too available.The tickets are a great idea :-)
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A
male
reader, TimmD +, writes (30 March 2010):
 Hmmmmmmm. The letter is bordering between "incredibly cheesy - stay away" and "really good". He went a little too far with "I deserve another chance..." in my opinion but he said a lot of right things also. The ballet tickets were are VERY good bribe but could definitely have been from the heart.
While I don't know the circumstances of your breakup and his actions in the past, I've always been one to error in the favor of love when there is a chance for something good... so I vote "give him another chance".
Still..... I would proceed with caution because there are some small signs scattered throughout that letter that make me nervous.
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A
female
reader, raiders +, writes (30 March 2010):
Sounds like he misses you and wants to work things out, Don't know the reason of your breakup but if you think you can fix things up than give him a chance and go to the ballet together. If not than return his ticket don't accept anymore letters and let him find someone else. I think some people deserve a second chance.
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