A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I am in a relationship with a man who calls me the C word often for "acting like one". He feels this acceptable, am I missing something here? Men please describe your level of respect for and what kind of person fits the label? Ladies please let me know how degraded you would feel? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, not confusious  +, writes (18 January 2010):
unacceptable, most degrading
A
male
reader, DeadEyeDick +, writes (17 January 2010):
 I guess I look at this differently, while I have been in a few relationships in my time, I have found that Ive never said something hurtful like that to one of the girls,a words a word! ive never directly called a girl,girlfriend or otherwise a cunt!! but in my eyes it is no different then them calling me an asshole, or a cocksucker! a words a word, if your even going to bother actually calling someone a name, what difference does it make what the name is? its the intention behind what your calling someone, I believe thats what hurts! I guess im not a female, so I dont know what the effect of that specific word is? but an insult is an insult in my eyes!and the actual word itself is irrelevant!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2010): No it's not acceptable. No way. My ex was always calling me a 'bitch' not an joking way but in an angry spiteful way & I eventually snapped and called HIM a C! It takes a lot to make me snap & even then I didn't call him a C outright - I said 'why are you acting like a C?'. Even if there are disagreements between you a decent guy will discuss stuff and not resort to low level insults. I felt degraded when my ex insulted me and I wouldn't tolerate it now from anybody and the last time he called me a 'bitch' I said to him 'don't you DARE EVER call me that again' and he hasn't (we are still in contact). Him constantly calling you a C tells you a lot about him, all of which is not good! He is verbally abusive. There is enough stress in life generally without the person you sleep with & are probably closest to along with your family etc, calling you names. It is degrading and rude. To him it might be normal, depending on his upbringing (believe ir or not some families interact like this and see it as perfectly normal, saying afterwards 'oh but you know I'm all hot air and you know I love you' but actually, presenting behaviour is important and relevant and this can only wear you down over time and it will affect your self esteem in an a subtle way. I wouldn't put up with it again, no way no way no way. I feel physically and mentally less toxic without my ex, despite missing the good bits and being mega tempted to try again with him. One of the other posters made an excellent point, ie that once he gets away with it, he will continue to do it because he feels able. I think you should tell him you are not prepared to accept this behaviour and say to him 'if you have any issues with me/us I am happy to discuss them respectfully, in a neutral place but I cannot & will not accept this behaviour & if you ever speak to me like again I will leave you for good'. Then stick to your guns. It's up to you of course what you accept and do but no no no this is not normal. He is bang out of order. Nip it in the bud now. In fact most people would probably just suggest you dump him asap and never look back. It can only get worse - he could even start hitting you once he knows you take this crap. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2010): No it's not acceptable. No way. My ex was always calling me a 'bitch' not an joking way but in an angry spiteful way & I eventually snapped and called HIM a C! It takes a lot to make me snap & even then I didn't call him a C outright - I said 'why are you acting like a C?'. Even if there are disagreements between you a decent guy will discuss stuff and not resort to low level insults. I felt degraded when my ex insulted me and I wouldn't tolerate it now from anybody and the last time he called me a 'bitch' I said to him 'don't you DARE EVER call me that again' and he hasn't (we are still in contact). Him constantly calling you a C tells you a lot about him, all of which is not good! He is verbally abusive. There is enough stress in life generally without the person you sleep with & are probably closest to along with your family etc, calling you names. It is degrading and rude. To him it might be normal, depending on his upbringing (believe ir or not some families interact like this and see it as perfectly normal, saying afterwards 'oh but you know I'm all hot air and you know I love you' but actually, presenting behaviour is important and relevant and this can only wear you down over time and it will affect your self esteem in an a subtle way. I wouldn't put up with it again, no way no way no way. I feel physically and mentally less toxic without my ex, despite missing the good bits and being mega tempted to try again with him. One of the other posters made an excellent point, ie that once he gets away with it, he will continue to do it because he feels able. I think you should tell him you are not prepared to accept this behaviour and say to him 'if you have any issues with me/us I am happy to discuss them respectfully, in a neutral place but I cannot & will not accept this behaviour & if you ever speak to me like again I will leave you for good'. Then stick to your guns. It's up to you of course what you accept and do but no no no this is not normal. He is bang out of order. Nip it in the bud now. In fact most people would probably just suggest you dump him asap and never look back. It can only get worse - he could even start hitting you once he knows you take this crap. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (17 January 2010):
I've never called my girlfriend that, and never would. I think that's just about the lowest possible insult. Thing is, now this man (and I use the term 'man' very loosely here) knows he can treat you this way, he will continue to do so. You can do better than him.
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (17 January 2010):
 Respect has to be earned. One way to earn it is NOT to be with a guy who calls you a cunt.
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A
female
reader, Not My Name  +, writes (17 January 2010):
 I was seeing a guy briefly after ending a long term relationship. He made the mistake of caling me the C word. I refused to see him ever again, would not answer his phone calls, nor respond to text messages.It was an intant and total wipe off.
Must have been eating him tho, coz a year on, and just last week he got in contact again with a text message apologizing and saying he has regretted it everyday since.
I am not involved with him now so have decided to let him off the hook and give him a chance to be friendly again, ... and tho I have no intention of ever taking it further than just friends I bet he won't be calling me that name again now he knows how unkindly I take to abuse.
I am a bitch - fine call me a bitch, cow, whatever and it wont bother me, ... my current man calls me an arsehole but only ever jokingly so far, .... call me a C, mole, or slut tho, and it simply will not be tolerated.
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A
female
reader, Angzw  +, writes (17 January 2010):
A man treats you how you teach him. The first time he showed disrespect then you should have put your foot down. If he calls you that word again, without a word pack an overnight bag and walk out of the door and spend a couple of days with a friend who is aware of your plan. My ex once called me a B during the 2nd year of our marriage and I jumped into my car with my baby while he was jeering "yeah, go. Get out and don't come back". The next day he was looking for me among my friends and family (time before cellphones!) and found me two days later begging me to come home. I told him to first go and tell his mother what word he called me before I could go back (we were young then). After this he never used foul language on me again but ofcourse did foul stuff! Put your foot down. When you let him get away with this he is being disrespectful to the max.
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A
female
reader, SirenaBlusera  +, writes (17 January 2010):
 There is NO EXCUSE for him to say that to you. it's verbal abuse. Texasgal is right, dump him NOW!!
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (17 January 2010):
 I am just a little older than your listed age, and I would probably ask him once to stop calling me that, and if he didnt I would simply walk.
I don't need that sort of crap in my life, and I don't see myself as having the time to sit around hoping he would change.
I hopes that helps.
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A
female
reader, texasgal +, writes (17 January 2010):
Calling someone degrading names is never acceptable! There is absolutely no excuse for it. That he feels it to be acceptable is a warning flag of worse yet to come. Admit it now or be sorry later: He is an abuser. If someone called me a derogatory name, I would muster all my healthy self-esteem and kick him to the curb. You know that his behavior is wrong; now do the right thing. Good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2010): If a man called me the c word, i would b very degraded. Even when a guy calls me a bitch, i slap them. Lol. I dont like being disrespected by anybody. U shouldnt allow him to say those things.
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