A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm looking for some advice on being friends with ex's. I've gotten some great answers here to other relationship questions. The girl I'm seeing wants me to commit to her in a relationship, but she told me that she still keeps things from every ex boyfriend of hers. She said she has it all stored and doesn't look at it, but still hasn't gotten rid of it and still keeps in touch with some ex's and wants to be friends with them. What is the theory on being friends with ex's? Is it wrong or acceptable? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, baybee-x-sparkii +, writes (20 October 2009):
 Im friends with both of my exes still now. After everything thats happened with them you learn to accept the flaws and end up moving on really easily if you just give them time
:)
A
female
reader, SirenaBlusera  +, writes (20 October 2009):
 Sometimes a relationship simply doesn't work out, and it's nobody's fault. That doesn't mean that your ex wouldn't make a good friend. The more friends you have, the better.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2009): I personally think that when someone is friends with an ex and there is no reason they need to stay in touch such as children, it can be rather dicey. One or both of them still have lingering feelings and hope for the relationship.
I have heard of some people remaining close friends with exes that they dated in relative childhood and decades later they were able to draw the line and just be friends, but that is a rare occurrence and would mean there was some reason for them being able to stay in touch in the first place.
I am not saying you should not trust your girlfriend, but if you are going forward with a committed relationship, there really isn't any room for the exes. It really threatens the primacy and the exclusivity and the specialness of your relationship.
Talk it over with her, that is the best thing to do.
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A
female
reader, hijacked_dignity  +, writes (19 October 2009):
 Funny enough, I think the question can only be answered by you. I think it's a matter of if you are comfortable with her being friends with her exes. The fact that she still keeps things from the time that she was with him might suggest that she doesn't want to let go all too quickly. You have to give her props however for being up front with you. That just means that you have to either accept the situation or simply not be in a relationship with this girl.
Exes however can be a rather messy situation. At one point, these people really did care for each other. Who is to say that at least from one side, the caring didn't stop? On the other hand, they are exes for a reason. Obviously something didn't work out. For me personally? I don't like the idea of my boyfriend hanging around with his exes. I think that once you break up with someone after a rather serious relationship, it's impossible to maintain a friendship without letting past feelings interfere at one point or another. But every case is different, and it is something that you have to decide if you are comfortable or not.
All the best! :)
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A
male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (19 October 2009):
 On a purely intellectual level, remaining in touch with your ex is a good thing. The love may be over, but that does not mean you cannot appreciate the good in the other person. I have known of a few people who can do just this, and it works well for them.
A few people remain friends after divorce, for example. Or after break-ups. Now, I am sure you know that the number of these people is very low.
Most people can't do this. If you are like most people, and chances are, then don't even try.
In any case, try to stay away from the person for some time. Let things cool, and look at them with a new perspective.
As to your friend, I can understand her point of view. Some people wouldn't, and would want her to get rid of everything. Maybe that explains why a number of people can't stay friends with their exes.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (19 October 2009):
Some can be friends with exes and it's harmless. Others can't. I couldn't and to be honest, cutting my ex out of my life was the best thing I ever did, because it makes sure you're free for the next one. I think so long as it's just friends and nothing more, she'll be okay and so will your relationship. Trust her and see what happens.
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