A
male
age
,
*ike51
writes:I have not had sex with my wife for over 6 years. I have been unfaithful over the past three years. I had been meaning to talk to my wife for a long time about all the problems in my marriage e.g. Lack of sex, differences of opinions about how to handle the children (especially finances), she would get quite short with me over many things and would sulk for hours sometimes, not easy to argue with her as she would get aggressive etc., and then on a few occasions she had said when in a temper "It's over" but then a few hours later it was as if nothing had happened. So I was contacted on the Internet by my first love whom I met in Austria many years ago. We were never able to quite have a normal relationship in the 2 week holiday as my 2nd cousin was sitting like a goosebery between us. We were also only 15 years old. We wrote to each other for over 6 months but then the letters stopped - I found out this year that her mother had intercepted them before they got to her and stopped my girlfriends being delivered to the postbox. Suddenly I was contacted over the internet this year by Gerty ( my 1st girlfriend) and we then communicated for about 10 days a few times a day by e-mail. I could feel that there were strong feelings but I was not saying exactly what I wanted to as I have been married for 23 years. I then realised when she sent me a final e-mail that not only did I want to still be in contact her but I had strong feelings for her. I could also feel that she had feelings as well. I lost contact with her for a two or three months and then I looked through all the e-mails for evidence on how to recontact her. I succeeded through Yahoo and then a few weeks ago she suggested that she come to the UK for a cup of coffee to which I said "You must be joking!". She was not and then she came to the UK. I met her for a couple of days but it was enough for me to know that there were electric feelings and a huge amount of love between us.I then spoke to my wife and told her I was not happy in my marriage and needed some space and so I went to Austria for a 10 day holiday. I stayed with Gerty and it was wonderful. I came back and after a couple of days told my wife everything and said what was wrong with the marriage. She listened and said that she would be prepared to share her with me rather than lose me. I then saw Gerty a couple of times when my wife went away on business and to see my son. Everything was wonderful until the last day of the last visit. I had asked Gerty not to stay until the Saturday as my wife would return on the Friday evening. She came back earlier than expected. I was going to stay with Gerty a couple of weeks later and then that would probably have ben the end of the marriage but Gerty ended it then.To cut a long story short that caused a a real problem between Gerty and me as she told me that our elationship must end and I must see if I can be happy with my wife. Gerty cannot be no 2 and will not speak to me or reply to any texts or phone calls. She said there must be no contact unless I am separated from my wife. It is now 9 days since I last saw Gerty and I had to send some messages and spoke once into her phone to tell her how I was missing her etc., She has removed her two phone numbers and shut down an e-mail account. I am now going to try and resurrect my marriage although I cannot feel the same way about my wife. I am not sleeping at night as I am always thinking of Gertty... What should I do?
View related questions:
cousin, text, the internet Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, mike51 +, writes (1 December 2009):
mike51 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks alot to everyone who gave me good advice. I am going to live with Gerty in Austria at the end of January and my wife is going to grant me a quick divorce and it is all quite amicable.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2009): WELL MIKE..THIS IS THE LITTLE LADY THAT HAS BEEN WITH U SINCE BEFORE U EVEN MET UP WITH GERTY..SO I KNOW ALL THE INS AND OUTS OF WHAT IS GOING ON..WE GO BACK QUITE A LONG WAY AND I HAVE WEATHERED ALL OF THIS ALONG WITH U..THRU ALL THE GOOD TIMES AND THE BAD..RIGHTFULLY HAS GERTY FINALLY SAID EITHER PISS OR GET OFF THE POT..IT IS JUST NOT FAIR TO EITHER WOMAN TO DO OTHERWISE. IF U STAY WITH YOUR WIFE U MUST FORGET GERTY FOR GOOD..NO IFS ANDS OR BUTS..OTHERWISE YOUR MARRIGE DOESN'T STAND A CHANCE..SINCE I KNOW MUCH MORE ABOUT YOUR WIFE THAN MOST..I'M STILL STICKING WITH GO WITH YOUR HEART..OTHERWISE U ARE ALWAYS GOING TO WONDER IF YOU MADE THE RIGHT DECISION..BUT YOU HAD BETTER MAKE UP YOUR MIND BEFORE U FIND YOURSELF WITHOUT HAVING ANYONE..IF U LOVE GERTY LIKE U SAY U DO..HOW CAN U GO ON HOLIDAYS TO SPAIN WITH YOUR WIFE? YOU CAN'T HAVE YOUR CAKE AND EAT IT TOO..IF U HAVEN'T LOST GERTY YET..YOU ARE GOING TO IF U PROCEED TO SIT ON THE FENCE. I LOVE U AS A VERY DEAR FRIEND..BUT U HAVE TO SIT DOWN NOW..RIGHT NOW AND MAKE YOUR DECISION...NOT WHEN U GET BACK FROM SPAIN..YOUR LOVING FRIEND FROM VANCOUVER ISLAND..HUGZZZ*
...............................
A
male
reader, mike51 +, writes (21 October 2009):
mike51 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all the help. I was not at work today due to exhaustion from lack of sleep, blocked sinuses, too much work at work and also I have been not able to sleep long at night because of thinking about Gerty. If I was to leave my wife now I do not even know if Gerty would be there for me anyway as she is not responding to any communication aimed at her.
...............................
A
female
reader, boo22 +, writes (19 October 2009):
 Hi Mike, I really like the sound of Gerty, i can imagine your head must be in bits!!
Sounds like a wildly romantic story, and you know you've got 2 choices. Stay with your wife or follow your heart.
good luck x
...............................
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (19 October 2009):
Gerty has rightfully given you an ultimatum. You now have a choice. Your wife, or her. You need to sit down and think very carefully about what you want. Your wife, or her. You can't have both.
...............................
|
