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female
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anonymous
writes: I'm in uni, living in halls. There's a guy who I have got to know over the past month. Every night we lay on his bed for three hours and just talk and talk. I'm so comfortable with him. We're not touchy-feely, although he will occassionally put his hand on my hip or rest his arm on my back if I'm laying on my stomach. I'm in a relationship which is very troubled and he knows I have a boyfriend and mentions it on a regular basis. If we spend this much time together, does he see me as more than a friend? He sometimes compliments me, ie 'you look pretty' etc, but I always let these comments bounce off. What to do? I do really like him and my boyfriend and I are on the verge of breaking up. However when we were having one of our 2am chats I asked him to stay the night ( just to sleep; I had no intentions to make things physical ) and he was adamant not to, saying he wanted to, but it wasn't right, or words to that effect. I kept insisting but he was dead set. Any ideas? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2006): When you've broken up, then let your friend know. Then ask him to join you for dinner or some activity other than your late night studies. Or ask him again to stay over, if you'd like. Sounds like the sort of respectful, and respectable, fellow that is honoring boundaries. That sounds like he really does care for you, and in a sincere way. When he knows you're available, depending upon how shy he is, you'll probably know soon enough how he truly feels about you. (Just don't send him mixed signals by talking about how much you miss your ex-, wish things had worked out with your ex-, etc.) Let him know the field is clear, and let him know you're open to possibilities. I suspect your young man will give you an indication then. (If not, maybe he's very shy - and you can give him a little nudge. I'd say it's clear he's quite fond of you.)
A
female
reader, Phoebe Halliwell  +, writes (13 April 2006):
 Dear Reader,
if you are this unhappy with your boyfriend then ditch him, but do it gently. Then keep it going with this other guy, he sounds good, but be warned! Never judge a book by it's cover
Good Luck -
Phoebe xxx
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI am going to break up with my boyfriend, there is no happiness left between us, it amazes me that we have reached this point and to be honest I still find it shocking despite it havning been apparent for quite some time, I think I have been living in hope that the situation would resolve itself. Eight months I now realise and clearly see that it may never come and should it still be yet to occurr it is taking far too long and all that time is filled with sadness and resent, I can not allow it to build up.As for the guy in my halls, I am still unsure of what to do. It has been a while since I was on the cusp of something ie. wanting something to happen and waiting for it to happen. I am not sure how to find out if he has any interests further that friendship. Like i said we spend a fair deal of time together, often lying close to one another but apart from that there does not appear to be any 'go ahead' that anything more is on the cards. Any ideas in how to find out?
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female
reader, Hopeful +, writes (13 April 2006):
 Stop trying to hedge your bets.
Either try and make it work with your boyfriend and forget about this other guy or
do the right thing and break up with your boyfriend and then consider this new guy.
Show some respect to your current relationship and decide if you want it to work or not and then act accordingly.
You can't have it both ways.
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A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (12 April 2006):
 I would suggest you're fooling yourself BIGTIME. If you are trying to convince yourself that being on the bed, touching a little is what friends of the opposite sex do, you're wrong. Do you really think if he spent the night you wouldn't have let something happen. C'mon, you have to be truthful woth yourself first. Break up with your guy. Don't try to be naive.
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male
reader, Jimmy +, writes (12 April 2006):
HiI would suggest splitting up with your boyfriend first, if there really is no hope left. It sounds like this 'friend' you have has good moral standards, so many guys would want to jump straight into bed with you and forget about you the next day. He sounds like a decent guy who will remain a gentleman and a good friend until you are single. I would do exactly the same.
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