A
female
age
30-35,
*izz.butterflies
writes:Dear Cupid,I have been on four dates with this one guy. He is a gentleman, makes me laugh uncontrollably and I am attracted to him. On our first date,we had a nice conversation,about the concentration camps in Germany, other political matters etc over dinner. I found his ability to converse really attractive. On the second date, we went to the movies,and then he walked me home,where we exchange our first kiss. For some reason,it wasn't a simple kiss, we kissed like three times.On the third date, we went for lunch. We didn't kiss when we met, we went to the restaurant and it was as if we couldn't start a conversation. It was like it wasn't flowing? We were holding each others hands on the table,and kind of staring at one another, giggling and such.Before the 4th date, on Saturday we got into an argument over the phone. Basically he said something which I found totally inappropriate. He called back and apologized, I was like oook cool i need to go back to studying. He called back and asked if he can come see me. He doesnt live that close,but he did come and we sorted it out. He said "you must think I am a baby now" and we were at a park sitting, there was carousel music, he said "thats what i need to be listening to " (again that hes a baby)..4th date was Sunday and he took me to a soccer game.It happened that my sister and some of her friends were at the game too, so we met after the game was over. I introduced them to my date. he was kinda shy around them. (My sisters friends liked him because, although he plays for a big soccer team, he wasnt conceited at all...and very polite..thats what they said to my sister, thats what im telling u guys :) ) After the game, we hadnt really made plans,so we walked to the city and had ice cream and pizza near the beach. He kept making me laugh, we were kissing/hugging.today he texted me good luck for my test, and also called me at night to see how i did. but the convo was a bit weird,after we said what we did today, there wasnt much to say? So i said okay im pretty tired, u got two options, either u say goodnight now or tell me a short bed time story and then say goodnight. He said "give me 5 minutes, to think of something, ill call u back" well he called and said that he couldnt think of anything and he rather not say something silly so we said goodnight.After that happened,I started second guessing everything. First off, it bothers me that we no longer have conversations like the one on our first date, but at the same time I cant stop myself from kissing him, hugging him and acting like a baby...! I know I sound weird right now but thats how it is...He also calls me everyday, which can be interpreted as him showing interest,on the other hand, our calls aren't the best ...yet if i had a choice i wouldnt hang up on him.I am pretty confused. Why is that? I told him I wanna take things slow, because we are strangers and i dont jump into relationships,and he hasn't pushed me into becoming more intimate or having sex or whatever...My friend suggested it's time for us to meet each other friends...however,he is for work here(and will be for the rest 2-3 years or more,depends) and all his friends are in his home country. He has relatives over here though,but I dont wanna be meeting them. So its apparent this guy can't 100% the person he is in his home country,since the surrounding is different.Any thoughts?And most importantly,how do we go back to having original,striking conversations?
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female
reader, SweetSmoochy +, writes (13 April 2011):
 Who says it's too soon? You or some notion of how relationships are supposed to go? You may want to consider letting yourself fall in to a relationship with a guy who really likes you.
Yes, I do think you're over-analyzing. This might be because you don't like this guy that much, and you are searching for reasons to cool it off. Is that the case? If it is, you don't need to look for a reason. Just cool it off and keep it friendly. Looking for reasons only leads to bad feelings afterward.
A
female
reader, fishdish +, writes (12 April 2011):
 1) some people are just awkward on the phone. My bf and I never interact as naturally on the phone as we do in person.
you say two times per two weeks, but you spent both saturday and sunday together, even if the saturday meeting was in relation to something that happened that day, i figured that could have been too much for one to have much to say over the phone..
In other news, you don't have to put such formal/strict regulations on at what point it is appropriate to be serious/official. You need more deep conversations you say? If you had them once you can have them again, a year's "life experience" over someone is not particularly a lot. If you two are happy just go with it. If you want a deeper level of a relationship,I think only time will tell whether you'll get what you want on that front, so give it a couple more weeks and see how you feel about it
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A
female
reader, mizz.butterflies +, writes (12 April 2011):
mizz.butterflies is verified as being by the original poster of the question 1) ??.
2) We are not meeting "too much". If you read my post carefully, He met me on Saturday because he said something inappropriate over the phone and wanted to solve it and not let it get bigger. The date on Sunday was already set.
We see each other 2 times a week.Have been dating for 2 weeks.
3)He told me he went to play tennis,and also go-karts,and I said I'd love to do that,and last time we met he said he has his second racquet.
4) I like deep conversations,but I also like having fun. Dont get me wrong here. It's just that both Saturday (after we solved the arguement) we went for a walk and were silly/cuddly/gigglish with each other,well we also talked about our families, and then Sunday,after the game, we went for a walk/icecream/pizza,and sat near the beach and were very cuddly.
It's as if we are acting like a couple already,but it's too soon.He loves spending time with me,I can see that clearly,but we should have more conversations like the first one I guess?
Perhaps I am over-analyzing and over-stressing here.
and he calls me everyday, I plan on stop answering his calls all the time, it's too soon to be talking on the phone daily,especially when he's a bit awkward!
Then I am thinking,maybe I don't wanna see this for what it is? As in,we might never share a deeper connection because he's a year younger and has had differet experiences?
uugh!
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A
female
reader, fishdish +, writes (12 April 2011):
how long have you two been dating? at least half of your dates were this weekend. There are a couple of possibilities:
1) he's just awkward on the phone, don't read too much into it
2) you're meeting TOO much so there's not much to say, if you saw someone yesterday, the day before, and are trying to talk to him today, what kind of breaking news could he have?
3) consider finding activities to share, i like going to arcades like dave and busters, you can eat and have a fun time together, and it's bonding over other things that just hot political topics.
4) you like the deep conversations, so maybe #3 isn't for you. maybe consider finding a political movie, maybe find a rally on an issue you two feel passionate about, etc.
what do you think?
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A
female
reader, mizz.butterflies +, writes (12 April 2011):
mizz.butterflies is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you for your answer .
we somehow need to get back to normal,lol.
Also,I'm going to go away for 2 weeks (Easter Break)...He has mentioned he goes on MSN to talk to his friends home,but hasnt asked for mine. I think it would be a good opportunity for us to see how we talk online,rather than be stuck on the phone. How should I bring this up? Or should i wait for him to do it?
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A
female
reader, SweetSmoochy +, writes (12 April 2011):
Well, it seems like the two of you like each other but it's just gotten a little bit awkward.
If you want to re-break the ice, (which sometimes needs to happen after something "official" occurs, like kissing) try thinking up some conversation ideas. Watch the news, learn about a new issue, etc. Develop an opinion, and bring it up matter-of-factly with a "you know what I think about [issue]?" kind of statement. He's probably feeling awkward too, because he seems to really like you and you're most likely making him nervous. He'll be relieved if you take the reins of the conversation and get the ball moving again.
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