A
female
age
51-59,
*yanne
writes:My boyfriend is cheating on me. I followed him from home one night and I know where she lives. I want to confront this girl but I don't know that to do. If I confront her I will lose him altogether but if I don't I can always use this as blackmail to keep him with me, what should I do? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Jayney Y  +, writes (3 December 2009):
 Err, love and blackmail do not belong in the same sentence. Why do you want to confront the woman? She's not the one screwing around behind your back, he is. I wish I had a dollar for every time I hear a cheated-on wife or girlfriend blame "the other woman" because they're too gutless to put the blame where it really lies, with their partner, because they know it will probably end the relationship if they do. Anyway, why the hell would you want to black mail someone into staying with you? They might be there beside you but they'd be despising you - with good reason!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2009): You should take a step back from this relationship. He has no respect for you or it seems because if he did he would be at home with you, not having sex with another woman, what if she has sexually transmitted diseases? Are you happy for him to sleep around and risk infecting you? Even if he's using protection you are allowing that man to walk all over you. Go and see the girl he's sleeping with, she probably doesn't even know hes got a girlfriend, and warn her of that cheat.If someone isn't happy in a relationship they should talk about it and try and fix whats wrong, cheating is never an excuse.I truly hope you have the confidence to leave and find someone who loves you and cares for you.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (2 December 2009):
 What kind of person are you? Wanting to blackmail a guy to stay with you? Please open your eyes and re-read you post.
THAT AIN'T LOVE.
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A
female
reader, Carrot2000 +, writes (2 December 2009):
 I'm not sure how you plan to blackmail a man into staying with you, especially since he's never committed himself to you in the first place. You seem to have a really hard time accepting this. Perhaps you feel you have been misled: you patiently waited for this man to end his marriage and after 18 years, he drops you for a newer model. I can understand why you're hurt, but this whole situation is going to end with you getting served with a restraining order if you keep this type of behavior up. Your obsession with this man has gone too far. Leave the new girl alone and get into therapy so you can figure out why you carried on an 18-year affair with this man.
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A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (2 December 2009):
 I'm guessing your the same person who asked this question but you have created a new account so no-one will notice? http://www.dearcupid.org/question/after-having-an-affair-with-a-married-man.html
I bet you just left out the part that he is married and you were his mistress because you dont want people to tell you the same thing again - that you are wasting your time!
Anyway, back to this question you have posted here. First of all you cannot blackmail him into staying with you just because you know where she lives - if he loves her he will leave you for her regardless of your idle threats.
Why do you want to stay with a man that is cheating on you anyway? Relationships are built on trust - and this man has gone and tore apart any shreds of trust you ever had for him. So without trust you have nothing - apart from years of arguments and stress ahead of you.
You need to leave this girl out of it - what good would confronting her achieve? Do you think she will stop seeing him if she knows about you? With any hope yes she will because she will have more sense than you do! But then he is free to go out and find his next woman to cheat with - if he wants a bit on the side then he will find another woman, regardless of you.
This man clearly does not love you, respect you or care about you enough to be faithful - so when are you going to start respecting yourself and get rid of this man? He is never going to give you what you want, he is never going to make you happy so why are you wasting your time with him? While you might love him, love isnt enough to make you happy. Just be brave and end things with him and move on - you deserve more than this.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2009): As mentioned already, why are you worried about confronting HER? It's your boyfriend whose being unfaithful to you. It isn't her fault, it's his. Get out - because if he loved you , he wouldn't feel the need to cheat on you. Do both of yourselves a favor and find someone worth your time and effort.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (2 December 2009):
Blackmail to keep him with you!? Confront her!? She hasn't done anytihng wrong. She may not even know you even exist. The probem isn't her, it's him. Why would you even consider staying with a man who is treating you so badly? I'm sure you love him, but it is him who is at fault here. She isn't the one at fault, and confronting her is a total waste of time. Your boyfriend is the one who is at fault. Confront him, dump him and find a better guy who won't cheat on you and hurt you like this. He'll only do it again.
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A
male
reader, Male20 +, writes (2 December 2009):
he has cheated on you.. why do you want to keep him with you.
What reason have you to accept this deceiptful act?
The girl hasnt done anything wrong its your boyfriend.....
Address the issue with him. figure out why? from there you will make the decision can you accept it?
if yes, carry on to work through it and regain the trust
if no, say goodbye to him and find someone who will treat you correctly
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2009): You already posted, but that time he was a married man, who first cheated w/you and now he is cheating on you.
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