A
female
age
36-40,
*airy_blossom
writes:Hello people.I know its crazy to ask help in public like this but I'm seriously in a state where i find myself helpless.My age is 25 and i am in a relationship with a man aged 29. we are in a live in relationship. I fell for him in march 2009 and its been almost 8 months staying with him. We started as friends as he helped me come out of my previous relationship trauma. i broke off with my previous BF who denied to marry me becuz of caste and family issues. i was very depressed.so, now I am staying with my new Bf who takes care of me and love me a lot. We are planning to get married as soon as my parents give their consent.Now Problem is that, My new BF has no family, as he tells me. He says that his parents were seperated when he was quite young and he used to stay with his mom. few years back his mom also left him and went somewhere as they had some quarrels between them.So. i asked him to search his mom.He then tells me that he thinks that his mom is wid his sisters who stays somewhere in southern india.and now he doesnt want to trouble his mom any more and now he doesnt want to keep any relations with them.He had one Gf also with whom he broke off when the gal betrayed him and now he is completely alone with no family and no friends. he's just got a small colleague circle in the office but with them too..the relations are limited.Now, looking at the fact that this guy has no family life, my parents are not getting ready for this marriage. They find all this very awkward.as my parents are very social and open in their behaviour.They are getting better proposals for me and want me to leave him.I love him truely but i got more upset when i saw some old letters and correspondence that were made between him and his mom. His mom told him that she is with her daughters and would like him to come and meet her. And in the next mail. He writes to her that He would not like to trouble her anymore and mentions about a gal(whose name was quite unfamiliar to me)that she left the house and went and before leaving she told him(my Bf) that now she cannot love him or trust him.Now my question is that... why didnt he tell me about this gal before while narrating the entire old story and is he hiding more facts from me?he has also not confirmed anything about his dad..whether hes alive or dead..or wt.?he makes stories that is very difficult for me to understand . so how will i be able to convince my parents when i Myself not clear wid anything now.Hes is very hardworking, hes never harmed me, we do have physical relationship as well but he always takes care of me and help me.Now wht am i supposed to do?Should I carry on with this guy whose own life is very complicated or should i take my steps back and return to my parents?he never tries to establish contact with his mom even when i ask him.he ignores it by explaining that his mom cannot see him happy and will spoil our relation.Please help..i know this is very tedious question.!! :-(Thanks.
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female
reader, Starlights  +, writes (3 December 2009):
 Somehow I have the feeling from what you said this boyfriend is a stubborn fellow and probably wont want to make it up with his mum.
You can ask him to speak to his mum for the sake of your future marriage.
If after that he shows you no compassion or support then leave him but tell him only after you have given him a chance.
I know it hard and you feel emotionally involved but you have to remain focused and strong. Its better you find out his true character now then get married and spoil the rest of your life.
I hope this helps.
Goodluck.
A
female
reader, Fairy_blossom +, writes (3 December 2009):
Fairy_blossom is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks starlights and ginalolobridga for ur answers!!!I am trying to get some clues about this girl more and more from him and He told me that she was his sister's bestwoman.To be very honest i quite dint understand this very clear;ly.So. I have asked him to take his own time to clear up the mess of his past and when hes absolutely ready ..then he can come to me and ask my parents for marriage.M planning to leave him for the time being. I will probably move out from his place next month.though I havent informed him about this. lets see..If things can get better by this.What do u think..Should I ask him to settle the mess with his mom first and then come to me if he wishes to marry me??And if he doesnt do that...then should I change my decision of marrying him?I will definitely not tell anything to my parents or they will form more bad impressions about my BF.wt to do?I dont know.ya ...M very much entangled into this mentally and emotionally...!!!Plz help/.....thanks.
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A
female
reader, Starlights +, writes (2 December 2009):
If your instincts are that he is hiding things from you he probably is.
He seems to have given you some information but not all which is a little worrying.
If he does not want a relationship with his mum then all you can do is respect this fact as he seems to be stubborn.
Your parents will never accept him until they know his full story because as your parents they want the best partner for you.
You might want to communicate to him what you and your parents think.
If he still gives you unsatifactory answers you might want to weigh up if you want to be with someone who acts like that.
Only you can decide.
Dont lose your family and waste your life for anyone who does not fully make your mind at peace (if you understand my meaning.) Chances are things will only get worse.
Hope this helps.
Goodluck.
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