A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'd like peoples opinions on casual sex (one night stands and friends with benefits).Do you think either are morally ok?I am trying to make my mind up on weither i think they are accetable and would like some opinions.
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female
reader, Olivia(Y). +, writes (24 May 2009):
 I would hate to sleep with someone on a casual sex basis.
Sex is much better if theres love there.
If you sleep around then you will get a reputation and when you find "the one" do you really want that reputation following you??
Livia
xoxox
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2009): I am indifferent to how others lead their lives, so long as they are two consenting people engaged in their activities and do no direct harm to others outside of what they do. There is a very broad range of people in this world. What is 'acceptable' can never be applied as a whole. Polls are mainly inaccurate, if only a small portion of the world's population contributes to it. Social morality should not influence whether this sort of rendezvous is good or not, as being good or not is relative to the people involved and not to the people observing. Religious 'morality' on the other hand says many things, but which one of the world's religions would police these activities? Which part of humanity would give them the right to? Which individual would allow that religious 'morality' to dictate their personal lifestyles?Ultimately, this is a personal stance and not a social stance. Choose what you will with someone who consents to go along with it. Just be aware of any consequences that may ensue.
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A
female
reader, Fiona xxx +, writes (22 May 2009):
 No doubt you are asking because you have never had a one night stand and you notice there are a lot of opportunities and others you know have had one night stands.
Basically I used to be really against it. I used to hold back and delay having sex until I had known the guy ages. Then I dated a guy for 3 months, while putting off the sex and doing everything but, actually we got close... Then he ended it and I was hurt.
Basically it's not if you have sex with somebody that makes you hurt if you split up, it's how emotionally attached and involved you are.
I used to think I wouldn't want to be used etc etc.
Basically that 3 month relationship opened my eyes a lot. After that I did have 3 one night stands (spaced out ie easter, summer and autumn when I was 20).
Basically it does require that blokey mentality, knowing that it's only for that night. It's about the thrill and buzz of the chase and getting a buzz out of the sex rather than the intimacy. It's knowing it's a little naughty but you are living in the moment.
You have to be confident and sure of yourself, in terms of knowing that it's all you want. It helps if you don't sleep with somebody you know and if it's a different person to whom you would normally think is boyfriend material.
Does it make you a bad person or feel used or empty? No, not if you know what you are doing and handle the situation correctly.
More importantly, you need to remember to use a condom, and that things do happen very quickly like "there and then" and you cannot guarantee on the guy remembering or carrying one. There are a lot of guys who will try it on, without having a condom, so be careful of that.
The first one night stand, is like your first time ever, a bit nervous and vulnerable, and yet there is a certain buzz out of the situation; you know the guy you are with knows what he's doing and might be in the habit of these things. It can feel quite submissive. It's the detachment that gives the buzz, so it's a different kind of sex, no cuddles afterwards.
As to is it the norm? I think at least half of us have had one night stands at some point. As for is it the norm, I am sure most people do settle down in the end and it's more about the high sex drive and beneath it all, people do want a long-term relationship, leading to marriage - at some point.
I am glad I am married and all this isn't an issue any more.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2009): I like the idea of casual sex just fine when I don't intend to marry the girl or see her as a long term real relationship.
But I suddenly hate the idea once I care about the girl that much. Then I don't want her to have EVER been okay with casual sex with anyone. I'd much rather she do it right off the bat with me than with anyone else in her whole life. (This is backwards to what a lot of women do. They seem to wanna be loose with someone they don't care about and then make the real boyfriend wait. This is PRECISELY the opposite of what her BF probably would wish she did.)
So I just won't have casual sex and I won't screw girls immediately upon starting to date them. I can't. It would make me a total hypocrite if I did.
Lots of guys do though. They just don't have as much trouble sleeping at night knowing they're using some other guy's future wife for a fling. I have too much guilt to do this.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2009): What one person thinks is morally ok, another doesn't. Ask yourself what you are really looking for. It could be that one night stands and friends with benefits are just fillers in and while you are using the time filling in you are taking away from the time you could find someone serious, if that is what you want.
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A
female
reader, betty_black +, writes (20 May 2009):
 Have you ever had a one night stand? You feel disgusting and dirty the next day. Sex isn't about opening your legs for the nearest man and leaving the next morning. Its about getting close to someone you love and trust, as corny as that may sound, thats what it is to me. Its such a personal thing being that close to another human being, i dont understand how people can treat it as a game. Its toying with other peoples emotions. I've had a couple that i didn't even know were one night stands til the guys didnt talk to me again. I was heartbroke! Think about the other peoples feelings before doing it. Make sure its what they want as well.
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (20 May 2009):
 Well, as a female who is the same age as you I thought I would add my opinion in here.....
I think as long as you are mentally strong enough to keep sex seperate from your emotions then one night stands/friends with benefits is fine. I have had 1 or 2 one night stands, and am currently seeing a guy where he is not really the sort of guy I would date but he is amazing in bed ;). This doesnt make me a slut, nor does it make me feel empty or whatever some people say. I guess I just enjoy sex and see no harm in expressing myself that way as long as I am safe (condoms + the pill).
But it all very much depends on the person. Some women are completely unable to have casual sex and feel they have to have more from the guy then just sex. Casual sex requires a male mentality - you need to be able to remain detached from the person and see it only as sex. Some women can do this, some cant - it all depends on personality.
I totally agree with Lazy guy, he is spot on with his advice there. No-one else's opinions should matter to you, it needs to be based on your values and beliefs. As long as you feel comfortable with what you are doing, then who cares! You should never care what people think of you; just do what feels right for you. If you want to have casual sex and you do it safely then no-one can judge you for that. If you want to have sex only when you are in a loving stable relationship then no-one can judge you for that either. And if people do judge you then they are not the sort of people you want in your life.
I hope this helps!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2009): casual sex is fine... if you are an uncaring loser with no self esteem or good morals and values
Just my own person opinion like you asked for :)
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A
female
reader, happytochat  +, writes (20 May 2009):
You shoudlnt base your opinions on such a topic on what other poeple think. Base them on what you beleive in. Think about how you would feel after a one night stand? Think about the consequences and how you would feel having to go through with them? Do you think you could deal with that?
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (20 May 2009):
 How an adult chooses to behave,as long as it hurts no others, is his/her business.
If you have casual sex and are clear about it, so you don't let someone believe it is more, then who cares. Your live, your values.
If you choose to only have sex after marriage, and are clear about it to your dates, then who cares. Your live, your values.
If you need others to convince you that A or B is right for you, then what else can people convince you of?
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A
male
reader, DoubleM  +, writes (20 May 2009):
 Well I'm 61-years-old and came of age during the so-called "Sexual Revolution" of the 1960s-70s in America, and of course, I've experienced a good deal of casual sex. After a 20 year faithful marriage, I'm back in the field and have experienced a bit more of that. I'm okay with it as someone with very permissive views on sexual pleasure.
However, my preference for sexual relationships has always been to have something meaningful and ongoing. These days, fidelity is probably even more important to me due to the potential problems for STDs. If that was not an issue, however, I could consider casual sex to be entirely acceptable in my waning years although my preference would still be a meaningful, caring and ongoing relationship. Whether casual sex is moral or not is a personal issue to every individual. If two people very much enjoy each other sexually and are available, so that no harm is involved, then it can be good in my opinion.
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (20 May 2009):
 Reely?
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