A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I cannot trust or look at my best friend of 6 years the same way again after she lied about not loosing her virginity to her boyfreind of less than 1 month and they have had an on and off relationship throughout that month. The day prior to her loosing her virginity she admited to me that she was not happy in this relationship, but she goes ahead and has sex with him at his house behind her mother's back and mine as well. I am disappointed and disgusted and have not talked to her for a week, and i don't plan on talking to her anytime soon.Should i be this bothered and get over it or have i just lost my best friend? What can i do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2010): Yes, I think you are upset about something that is none of your business.You do not sound like a good friend going by how you are reacting.If your friend lied to you, I guess she did it to keep in good with you. It sounds by what you say that she was wise to as you sound very judgmental, controlling and punishing.I think you would gain from trying to imagine how things are for other people and to ask yourself what gives you the knowledge of how things should be and the right to be nasty.Hint: A little love goes a long way. You could try being understanding and kind.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2010): Honestly, having sex is a very personal decision and needs involve nobody but yourself and your partner or the person you have/are planning to have sex with. why is it your friend is obliged to report to you on her love and personal life? and moreover why should you have the power to influence such a big decision in her life. if she wants to do it, then its her decision, give her advice and your opinion if she wants or needs it, but if you do remember she is not obliged to take it. if she makes a mistake its on her back, and I hope you would be there to support her if she does. when did you receive the god given right to judge her? if you feel a bond or trust has been broken my advice is to talk to your friend, try explain your point of view and explain the reasons you feel hurt or betrayed. but dont break a friendship, i really dont think your friend has done anything wrong.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2010): I can understand if its the lying thing that bothers you but if it is the sex thing then i'd say get over it, its her life and not yours. We all do things for different reasons and even if she felt she was not happy in the relationship, perhaps she just wanted to experiment - regardless, you shouldn't be mad or judging her for doing what she did, her life, her choice etc. Would you feel so compelled to tell her if you had sex or feel she had a right to judge you? I am guessing no. I lost my virginity and told my little brother only because i needed to talk, my folks and friends still assumed i was a virgin - i tended to think of my sex life as my business and i get to choose who and when and if I talk about it. You are her friend, so act like it - you are suppose to have her back regardless of how stupid she may or may not have been. As for the lying, what right did you have to know anything about HER sex life anyway, huh? So yo are a bestfriend, that doesn't entitle you to know zip unless she wants you to know. What right have you to judge her, be a friend, be there for her - maybe she didn't tell you because she knew you well enough to be disappointed and disguested but again, its her life and you should respect her choices. BE there a friend, not as a moral judging condeming compass. I know i am being harsh but i am also trying to make you see you are fussing over nothing really.
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A
female
reader, old-spinstah  +, writes (28 January 2010):
What are you pissed about? Because she did something that you disapprove of? Or because she wasn't honest with you about her intentions?
Either way, I don't think it's worth losing a solid friendship over. You don't have to agree on everything all of the time. Sure, you've got a right to be pissed or hurt and you can tell her that but don't let a guy ruin your friendship. It sounds like she could use a good friend right now.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (28 January 2010):
The lie hurt, but it will hurt more if you lose your friend over something like this. Yes, she lied to you. In a few years, she will look back at this and realize she made a mistake. And she'll need a good friend to be there. People screw up, people lie, people cheat, people make mistakes. No one is perfect. Forgive her for lying. Tell her it hurt that she lied to you, and ask her to try and make up again. It would be a shame to lose your friend over one lie.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2010): you have every right not to want to talk or confide in her anymore.bestfriends become closer than our own siblings at times that it hurts when they hide something so important..but put yourself in her shoes,im sure shes ashamed over it and regrets thats why she couldnt tell anyone.i think you need to be understanding,have a chat with her and assure her,through thick and thin she will always be a sister.
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A
female
reader, Jujubie +, writes (28 January 2010):
hm i disagree with "Not my name" my best friend did the same thing. she told me that she was going to break up with her boyfriend who she wasnt happy with and i wasnt to fond of and instead she slept with him. I was very upset bc she lied to me about it. If someone lied to you, you would be upset and best friend should not hide things from you. I think you have every right to be upset... Maybe cool down a little because i took the wrong approach and judged my friend and we didnt talk for 3 months but then i realized that our friendship should not go through that because i did care about her as a person. Maybe talk to her and let her know how you feel she is treating your relationship. It should mean more to her than not talking to you about it.
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A
female
reader, LLindy87 +, writes (28 January 2010):
 I agree with the poster "not my name". You sound like a controlling friend, its her life and not yours. how does her love life effect you ??
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A
female
reader, Not My Name  +, writes (28 January 2010):
 What do you mean what do you do? You do nothing because it is not your business. Your friend is not accountable to you for her sex life.
No, you most definately should not be this bothered. I don't get how you can even entertain the thought that she was doing somenthing behind YOUR back.
If you are not going to talk to her tho because of her own free will choices that are not your business, then she will be the one better off for it.
Sounds like you want a puppet to control - not a friend.
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