A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hi, i am a married girl. My husband loves and cares for me. he is a very good husband and i too love him a lot. but the problem is i am scared of sex. i will get scared of pain. whenever we want to have sex, i will become scared and then we cant have sex. What should i do? how should i mentally prepare to come out of fear? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Silius Sodimus  +, writes (22 January 2013):
Perhaps some kind of trauma occured in your past you don't remember? I have read of studies where women are afraid of sex and even women who have a phobia about penises. I think some psychological evaluation and therapy could help, also like some other commenters said, take things slowly, start off with say your husband massaging you, then maybe have a nude massage, allow your husband to slowly work towards mild foreplay like kissing and touching and work from there, try to pin point the exact point you feel uncomfortable and work from there. Keep working on sexual activities that don't involve intercourse until you feel comfortable. Let me know what you think?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2013): go see a pelvic phystiotherapist
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A
female
reader, Kell0804  +, writes (4 January 2013):
Why are you so afraid? Did something bad happen in the past to you?
I would say just start with him massaging you one evening while you're nude. This is a huge turn on for most men including my husband. And once you feel relaxed then he may be able to slowly coax you into it one night. Just be sure he uses lube and it will not hurt that bad. Most of your fear is in your head.
How long have you been married?? It takes time to get comfortable with a partner.
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A
female
reader, NaeNae  +, writes (4 January 2013):
Sometimes adults tend to tell children things that scar them for life without even thinking of the effects it would have later on, not saying that is the case here but perhaps you wre told that sex is very painful amoung other things that may make it seem so awful as a child so you wont do it until you are married. Perhaps therapy would help but this is something very delicate and its good you have a loving husband but at the end of the day only you can get over your fear no one can get over it for you.The main focus is to relax cause the minute you are just even a little bit tense your body naturally tense up including your vaginal muscles and that will cause pain if you try to have sex then, but it is also important to take your time take your focus off sex just do some foreplay for a few days ask him not to even attempt sex at this point its like getting past one phase so try and master foreplay without attempting intercourse, ask him to perform oral sex on you if thats ok with you, again without attempting intercourse, explore each other let him explore your body, you explore your own get in touch with your body and senses get to know your body do all those things without attempting intercourse, by doing this over a period of time your body is subconsciously getting it self ready.If you can do foreplay and become aroused until you vagina is lubricated well ask your husband to use his finger ask him not to tell you when he is bout to put his finger in jus relax you control the paste. try to master all that before trying intercourse, remember the key is to relax and besides sex is a wonderful thing especially with your husband as i said before you can be in control.
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A
female
reader, NORA B  +, writes (4 January 2013):
As your are so lucky that your husbands love you. He will understand if you suggest that it might be a great help for you if you went to see a counsellor. He might also like to go with you and both of you discuss at indept level the problem with the counsellor. Best of luck .Nora B.
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