A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have only been with my boyfriend for 3 months now and the first month was brilliant with no arguments whatsoever. Going into the second month facebook began to cause arguments with the way he commented on other girls statuses. They weren't extreme arguments.A few weeks into the relationship I asked him what he'd been up to that day, just a general question to start a conversation off, and he told me he had been with an old friend laying on a field. This bothered me alot but I let it go.A couple of weeks ago this girl had sent him a text about how she was moving and wanted to see him before she went. Now she has a boyfriend, which makes me feel a little better. Anyway she rang him when I was with him and he said he'd text her when he got back from his vacation. He then told me how he used to meet up with her a lot before me and him got together, regardless of her having a boyfriend. He said how they would walk around and chat for hours and this did not make me feel comfortable at the slightest. So, he goes on holiday and he only gets free, unlimited, texts to a certain network which i'm not on. When I phone him it came up how he'd been texting her alot and he was being harsh saying he would text her for the rest of the time on his holiday, knowing it would bother me.I'm getting worried about whether or not he is cheating and when they meet up, if he is going to physically cheat on me. What are your opinions?
View related questions:
facebook, has a boyfriend, on holiday, she has a boyfriend, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2010): Hello, I asked the question and thank you all for the replies so far. At the moment I'm hating myself for being as stupid as I am and not ending the relationship. Anyway, I was talking to a close friend who told me that by the way he's been acting, its like he wants me to end it with him. Now this played on my mind and I phoned him up and he just said 'it's up to you, i cant stop you can i?' Eventually he said no, that he didnt want me to end it. He said he would text me in the morning before we said goodbye and for some reason anger just built up. I sent him a text making it clear that he isnt to bother texting me until he's realised how much hes hurt me this time. Sadly I have still not heard from him.The good side of all this is that he is best friends with my good friend, and they have gone on holiday together. I was asking mine and his friend last night and he said don't take him on, his phone has been quiet all day and the text I sent him, he apparently looked 'surprised'.I have considered that she is moving away and this does put my mind at ease slightly. The thing is with our relationship it goes brilliant and he can be the most wonderful boyfriend I could imagine but as soon as the smallest thing happens - he over reacts, very short tempered and this causes the bumpy roads im travelling now. I decided to post on here to get a wider variety of viewpoints. Thank you all and looking forward to hearing more views with more information.I noticed someone also questioned about facebook. Well one status is stuck in my mind and that was from one girl who is a well known.. lets just say shes not well liked. She posted that she had a banging headache and he put 'awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww xxxxxxxx' straight away this irritated me with the amount of kisses he'd given her. (childish to bother about this?) anyway she replied with 'stop commenting on status :P xxxxxxx' again with many kisses. He then put 'What are you going to do about it? ;) xxx' And she put 'sh :P xx' That was the end of it as someone else had then commented but this is flirting to me and a few other people i've asked have agreed. Of course, my boyfriend denies any flirtatious comments.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (19 July 2010):
You got me when you said that he'd "text another girl for the rest of the holiday, knowing that it will hurt you". I don't know whether he's cheating or not. There's not enough evidence to tell. But at the very least he's an ass. He doesn't do anything to reassure you, but rather goes out with a load of other women and then throws it back in your face. Maybe he's not cheating, maybe he is. But he's not really treating you all that well. I wouldn't bother with him.
...............................
A
female
reader, person12345  +, writes (19 July 2010):
 This doesn't mean he's cheating. But he is being really inconsiderate. He definitely is trying to leave the option available, which doesn't really give you a chance to wow him. If he doesn't stop or slow on this other girl after you tell him it makes you uncomfortable there's justification there to leave. Or at least be angry... On the other hand, you've only been dating 3 months, which is a very short amount of time.
...............................
A
female
reader, romany +, writes (19 July 2010):
 Keep arguing with him over his responses on facebook, will definately send him on his way further from you, or into the ex's arms.No one can say whether he would, has or could get with her when he says bye to her, but like Denise32 says, he's obviously got a thing for her still, Maybe its friendship, but if he is attracted to her, you nagging is only gonna make him put her higher on the pedestal.If you want my honest opinion, I dont think this relationship is going anywhere, if he's a flirt, he will always be a flirt, it was probably one of the reasons that endeared him to you in the first place, he aint gonna change, so you either have to accept him for what he is, or prepare to feel this way often, coz if it aint her, it'll be a girl he knew from school, a girl from work, the local barmaid.Alot of guys are like this, but some would sh!t themselves if the girl turned and said, 'yeah come on then' but some wouldn't, and if you dont trust him, or aren't prepared to trust him till he proves otherwise, without making yourself into a whinning nagging girlfriend, then you need to get out now.
...............................
A
male
reader, Starmonster888 +, writes (19 July 2010):
 Honestly, I don't think it's relevant to know whether he's cheating or not. If you're feeling uncomfortable at 3 months, the road ahead isn't likely to have disimilar speed bumps and obstacles. Really, I think you should be deciding whether or not you feel the same way you did in month one now.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2010): I'm interested to know the content of his Facebook status comments, if they were sexual or insinuating anything.You mentioned that this other girl was moving away. So why do you think your boyfriend will cheat? They aren't even going to be near each other. Furthermore, they had more than enough opportunity while they were both single to engage in sexual activities, etc., yet he's dating YOU and she has a boyfriend. Clearly they weren't into each other romantically, or they'd be the ones dating long ago.Yes, it was inconsiderate of him to only text her and not you while on holiday. Yes, you can be upset about that, just because he was not giving you any attention while on vacation. It's possible when he was harsh to you, telling you he'd continue to text her, maybe he was tired of your paranoia.Don't punish him for cheating (i.e. making a big deal out of him talking to other girls who he's clearly good friends with) before he's actually cheated. That's not fair, and he'll only want to commit a crime to match the advance punishment you're giving him.
...............................
A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (18 July 2010):
 Whether he's actually cheating on you or not, he is quite "stuck" on this other girl, by the sound of it.
You've only been dating three months, hardly any time at all. He sounds quite inconsiderate, telling you he was going to continue texting her while the two of you were on holiday. He didn't care that that would bother you. Keeping on about other women's status on Facebook isn't a good sign, either.
It's true that women and men are perfectly entitled to have friends of the opposite sex they sometimes get together with while dating "you." UNLESS two people have an agreement not to date anyone else (particularly if "you" and "he" are having sex)otherwise, the understanding is that its okay to date others.
After all, relationships/dating are about seeing how compatible (or not) two people are together, and after a time of getting to know each other "you'll" either decide to continue with the relationship or conclude that it's not such a good thing for the two of you and you'll end it, either by mutual agreement, or abruptly. When it does end in a break up, it doesn't mean "he" or "she" is a bad person, it just means your personalities don't really match. (Except of course for those individuals who do show rotten behavior on a fairly consistent basis, and thereby deserve to be given the old "heave-ho.")
What you do about this is, of course, your call, depending on how you feel, and whether this is worrying you far more than it really should......unless you want to try having a straight talk with him and see what happens as a result of letting him know your mind.....
...............................
A
female
reader, loraemoon +, writes (18 July 2010):
 to start yes there friends, she has a boyfriend now! but im with you if i was in that situation i would think and feel like you do, when they meet up you dont know whats happening, or when hes texting her,he knows you feel insecure about this but hasnt done anything by the sounds of it to make you feel more comfortable, would you feelmore comfortable if you went along?honestly if you really think hes cheating then get rid but if its only susspitious then talk tell him how this makes you feel,
...............................
A
female
reader, johannabanana +, writes (18 July 2010):
 These are two people that clearly are not resolved over each other and even if he isn't cheating on you he still doesn't care about the way you feel. He has no shame and doesn't seem to care if him talking to her hurts you. And he isn't going to stop talking to her. If you tell him to pick being with you or continuing to talk to her I guarantee he will pick talking to her. Is that really what you want in a relationship. At the very least he is cheating on you emotionally anyway.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2010): hey,
to be honest i think your bf is actually being really inconsiderate here.. how would he like it if you said/did these things to him? it's just plain rude and he's trying to make you jealous/wind you up.
whatever his reason is i think you need to say enough is enough, sit down with him and say.. i don't mind you meeting up with your female friends, but when you say things like that it doesn't make me feel very important to you.
either he will change his ways or he won't. if not, i say bin him!
...............................
|
