A
male
age
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anonymous
writes:I would like the opinion of the lady's an men who write in all the time, my question is what's the main reasons for women to dump the guys?Is it they found some one new, he cheated , he treats her bad, got bored of him, he was to nice, came on to strong, to intense?My opinion is she found some one new, cause most of the time a woman won't leave a man unless she already got one waiting.I know I will get a lot of bad things said to me about my opinion, but am single, an most of you got some one, so you are not in the field experiencing how it is these days.This happens, guys dump woman for the same reasons too Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Serpico +, writes (3 May 2016):
Women typically do not date/sleep with guys who have a sexual market value lower than their own. Since SMV is always changing, this occurring during a relationship will cause the woman to lose respect/interest/attraction to the man and result in a dumping.
A
female
reader, Caring Aunty A  +, writes (2 May 2016):
 What is there to admit? The guy who leaves a good woman for a sexier wild woman and finds himself dumped IS NOT a ‘nice guy’ to begin with. It’s a dang myth!
Besides what constitutes a nice guy to you is different to each woman. A guy doesn’t have to be perfect; he just has to be perfect for her and visa versa. If you’re lucky to score a good woman, it’d be a wise man that holds onto her!?
On the side of dating I guess we’re ALL nice in the beginning when meeting someone new. Later we relax and our true selves become exposed… perhaps a farting, nose picking, bum scratching nice guy. Even further down the garden path one realises he/she is abusive and or has a wandering eye etc. But hey, is he/she a nice person now? NO! Hence we say good riddance to this ‘Mr. Nice Guy’.
On the chance some girls let go (dump) a genuinely nice guy it would generally happen in the early stages of getting together where for some reason of incompatibility, wrong doing, or bad timing we go separate ways. For me there would be no feeling of regret in this instance, no arse bitten cheeks here.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (2 May 2016):
 I am 56.
I have had 4 husbands
I have had triple digits worth of lovers both men and women.
I can off the top of my head think of two guys who I stopped seeing who could have would have fit the "just too nice" category. I just did not feel it with them.
I have left men who were liars
I have left men who were abusers
I have left men who were non-attentive
I have NEVER left someone for someone else. NEVER EVER.
and I have never regretted leaving any of the people I have left.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2016): The biggest one for me is that he does not pay enough attention to me. He drops the ball on the relationship. It is no longer a priority to him and neither am I. Women, for the most part, like attention. It validates our man's feelings for us. We do thrive on attention from our man as use this as a barometer for our relationship. If they do not pay attention, then we question how they really feel about us. And the natural conclusion is they do not care enough. So we feel slighted and ignored and our needs for affection and attention go unmet. A woman needs to feel connected and bonded to her man. It is just our nature. We need to have the emotional attachment nurtured. Some women are more high maintenance than others. And some demand more attention than others. However, the basic concept is if you do not pay attention or enough attention to her, she will grow resentful over time. It is not only sexual attention I am talking about. If you cannot be open to her, vulnerable to her with your feelings and thoughts and be open to hers, then it's going to be a sinking ship the both of you are on. Women need to feel safe. This is very important. Where they know you have their heart and their back. They need to trust that you are going to be there for them though the good and bad and that their heart is safe with you. You are an investment to her. She needs to know this is a wise investment. And you will need to continue proving your worth to her. If she feels the ship is sinking, she will want to abandon ship.Many men have a wall up. Either on purpose because they feel they need to be guarded due to baggage of the past, fear of getting hurt, fear of being vulnerable to any woman, thinking they will lose their "manhood" if they are too emotionally open and attached, not ready for commitment as it scares them... etc... all this baggage and walls being built only serves to push the woman away. Perhaps some men are doing this subconsciously or even consciously. Some men may do the bare minimum or keep the façade of a relationship up in order to get sex from the woman. But women usually come to know this. As his attention to her is never enough. It is plentiful and abundant when he is in the mood for sex but watch how he acts when you are of no need sexually. This is when women get upset and see true colours. The man is not texting her. Or he takes hours to respond to her. He is off doing his own thing. Has no time for her or she is last on his "to do" list. Women are not stupid. They sometimes choose to settle for a man because they just want to feel loved. And they may feel attached to him and enjoy sex with him but he is not in it for the long term like her. And so he keeps his distance. And she is always going to feel bad about that and it will eat away at her self esteem slowly. So eventually she is going to call off the relationship because he is not as into her as she is into him. Deep down she knows this and although she may love him and allows the relationship to continue, it will reach a point where she is very sad and depressed about his lack of commitment and his lack of emotional attachment to her that the pain is not worth remaining in the relationship. He will never be enough for her. And perhaps she will never be enough for him because he will never be ready to commit.So, men need to pay attention. Stay connected to your woman. Communicate. Appreciate. Never take her for granted. This is where the secret lies. What often happens is that when her boyfriend is busy ignoring her, she will be busy opening herself up to another man who is busy paying attention to her. Doing all the things her boyfriend should have been doing when he dropped the ball.What it takes to keep her is what you did in the beginning of the relationship to woe her. So many men forget this. And get much too comfortable in the relationship. Although comfort is a natural progression in all relationships, remember the fire and spark that brought you together. And no matter what, never let that fire extinguish.
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A
female
reader, kirra07  +, writes (1 May 2016):
I broke up with my first bf after 3.5 years because he was my first, and I still wanted to see what else was out there. We were also long distance for a year at the time. That time, I did have someone "waiting in the wings" at the time, in that I knew he was sort of interested in me, but didn't know if we would become bf gf. Second bf, he broke up with me twice, but kept coming back to me. I finally broke up with him because I was fed up with how he was treating me. And even then it was agonizing, because when it was good, it was amazing. Third bf, we are married. And he is the nicest of all of them. Although first bf was very nice too. Just unfortunate he was my first and in retrospect, we weren't as compatible as me and my third.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2016): When a woman has decided to leave a man, she has given up on him completely. It actually takes quite a bit for the woman to leave, but once she has made up her mind, she is gone. Most times this is due to the fact that she can no longer tolerate what he is doing and her patience has run out or she sees the lack of compatibility and instead of wasting time continuing in a failing relationship, she will walk away.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2016): Incompatibility is the reason most women leave a guy. Sometimes women have expectations or needs that aren't being met. Relationships often have an expiration date. Women often set goals in their relationships that we men don't. They base things on how long before they are no longer able to bear children, they want a commitment leading to marriage within a certain time-frame, they want financial-security; and they want attractive and smart children. So they look for a good gene pool; even if they may settle for less to avoid loneliness. Only that tolerance has a stress-point, and it wears out. Women, good and evil, can be quite scornful and impatient.
If they see that most of the things that I have listed above don't seem to be a reality within their relationship; they will terminate that relationship, to find what they want elsewhere. Like anyone sensible should. Only, too many of them wait far too long before they come to their senses.
There is no such thing as too nice. Just the kind of guy under-appreciated, just like the great girl who has to wait a little longer for the right one to come along and realize what they've found. They should wait longer; we're valuable. If you've good qualities and character, you're confident, and romantic. Not just any gal will do. You deserve the best. They may see their way out by self-elimination (knowing they don't deserve), divine intervention, or your mother tells the bitch to get the hell away from her son. He deserves better!
Yes, if you want to look at things from a cynical or sinister standpoint; they cheat, and find someone more compatible and willing to meet their needs. They find someone more handsome, with an enormous penis, and a good love-making technique. They find a guy with good brain-power, earning-potential, and decent enough looks that they can be proud to brag to their mothers and girlfriends they got a good catch. Even if they divorce, they'll walk a prince to the alter.
Logically, they will dump anyone falling short of these criteria. To put it bluntly; because it's smart to do so, even if she doesn't deserve it. All people have the potential to change; and often will do it when they are happy with the person they've found and fallen in-love with. When that love runs out or turns sour; they will find their way out of it.
Then there's violence, intimidation, porn, and jealousy.
They hate guys who stare down other women right in-front of them. Guys who think women are dumber; because they are more emotional, and because they have the ability to overlook many faults and imperfections in males. Well, over time, they become less tolerant of the fact we often can't!
We are too ageist, don't expect people to physically change with time, and expect to replace her with an new model when things start to sag or they become gravity-prone. Everything tries to touch the floor.
The oddest thing I've observed. They stick with men through baldness, missing teeth, beer-guts, flat-buts, man boobs, wrinkles, and erectile-dysfunction. Well, until they can't stand it anymore. Some leave you for bad breath, poor hygiene, and body odor. I would too!
You didn't ask, but that's a guy's educated opinion!
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (30 April 2016):
 I never had that happen. Neither way. My relationships always ended because we were arguing too much, which is the result of differences, and then coming to the understanding that we're simply not happy together any longer.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (30 April 2016):
 I still don't get what "too nice" means.
My first BF was/is a REALLY nice guy, and so was/os my second. They were lovely, caring and compassionate. I CERTAINLY didn't end either relationship because they were "too nice". The first ended because we both wanted different things after 4 1/2 years. I wanted to travel and THEN start a career, and he had no clue WHAT he wanted, so he floundered quite a bit. My second BF and I just really didn't have as much in common as we had thought. We weren't a good match.
I SO often read the whole "good guys comes last" and I feel it's such a ridiculous stereo typical statement.
It's not whether a guy is a good guy or a bad guy - it's whether it's a GOOD fit or not.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (30 April 2016):
 Regarding: ".... found some one new, cause most of the time a woman won't leave a man unless she already got one waiting...." Regardless who this covers (him, or her)...
When I was much younger (MANY years ago!) a buddy of mine gave me an analogy of why this is stupid, and - usually - counterproductive... Said he:
If you're out in the middle of the ocean, and your boat is sinking.... and a rescue boat is nearby... it's much smarter to jump OFF your boat... and swim TO the rescue boat... and let those on-board pull you aboard. DON'T try to jump from boat-to-boat!!!!!
Good luck....
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2016): I am the writer, I haven't heard one woman say she dumped the guy cause he was to nice, it happens all the time, women just don't want to Admit it, I know guys who dump a good woman, for a woman cause he thinks she is more sexy, wild, then what happens is the wild one dumps him, an he wonders what he did wrong, hey he dumped the good one,an he broke the heart of the woman who treated him fantastic.So do they ever think back, hey I really screwed up, an dumped the nice guy or woman, so does it come to bite them in the back side,it's to bad they don't feel the pain you go through, we all have felt it getting dumped
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female
reader, YouWish +, writes (30 April 2016):
 Many girls do NOT have some other guy in the wings before breaking up. In fact, a lot of girls are smart enough not to fall for the "rebound" relationships. More likely, they dump the guy because the relationship has deteriorated to the point where they'd rather be single than spend one more millisecond being with the guy.
The big "dumpable" offenses are of course him cheating, or him lying compulsively, or him being controlling due to jealousy or narcissism, or if they live together, his being way too lazy expecting her to do all the work full time AND cook and clean while he lives like an utter slob. Of course abuse as well, physical, mental, and emotional.
Less explosive reasons, but reasons nonetheless, are his extreme selfishness in bed and no motivation to at least listen to her sexual needs. Neglect, meaning he disappears for long lengths of time with no explanation, either to punish or manipulate her or because he's focused on himself. Also, freeloading off of her, asking or demanding money, support, free rent, free food, her paying for everything, always being cash-poor yet buying toys for himself with money she gives him.
Retroactive jealousy has destroyed many good relationships, as well as controlling or domineering family members (like a mom who hates her, yet he doesn't stand up to her when she's being obviously and unambiguously cruel).
Then there are addictions like drugs, alcohol, or porn/sex addiction. A woman can decide to no longer be a codependent or enabler.
Finally, there are a few who break up if the guy has zero ambition in life, no job, lives with parents at age 45 years old and has them support him. The "failure to launch" syndrome he may transfer to her rather than have a career or education.
I don't think you can box "all women" in the "hedging their bets" category.
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female
reader, jls022  +, writes (30 April 2016):
I ended my 6 year relationship because I felt he put himself first and took it for granted that I would always put up with whatever he threw at me. I tried to talk to him so many times about how I felt and he did nothing, yet when I ended it he said he felt blindsided and that the break up had came out of nowhere. Often I think the signs are there long before the break up but the other person is either ignoring it or not paying enough attention.
As for other men, I never had anyone else lined up and I'm still single a year later, but I did start to notice other men more towards the end. So I can see how that could happen but only if there was something badly wrong with the relationship already.
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female
reader, WhenCowsAttack +, writes (30 April 2016):
Hey, I've done that a few times. And yes, I had someone else lined up before I actually left, but no, that was not why I left.
I left because those relationships were abusive. I had someone else waiting because I was insecure and afraid to be alone.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (30 April 2016):
Sure that CAN be the reason, but I don't think it's the "major" reason.
I have seen more women take a longer "break" from dating after a break up, than I have seen guys. It does seem more common that guy jump into a new relationship to get over the last one.
Judging from a lot of DC entries, there are quite a number of people (both men and women) who starts looking for a "replacement" before ending their relationship. It's definitely not uncommon. And then of course there are the ones who hold on to exes, "just in case" the new person doesn't work out. So they have someone to fall back on.
There are probably as many reasons as there are relationships why people break up.
Personally, I have never went from one guy to the next. I think it actually creates more problems than not. If you TRULY aren't over a partner/breakup and starting a new relationship there WILL be drama and problems.
But yes, OP plenty of people (both genders) don't break up with their partner till they have found a "replacement".
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A
female
reader, Ivyblue +, writes (30 April 2016):
 No flack from me, I agree having someone waiting in the winds is good for some but for different reasons. Maybe it makes them feel less vulnerable or the thrill and excitement of someone new makes it easier to make the move. As for the other reasons, well ...just how long is a piece of string? But I guess, infidelity or repeat offenders would be on top of the list, indifference, being taken for granted, just not feeling it, no connection, financial, loss of desire, selfishness, growing apart and the list goes on....but I don't really think it is just one of these things but a combination.
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (30 April 2016):
 Ah sure, there's a lot of people who does not like working without a net. After all, it's the same principle as not leaving your old job unless you have got something new lined up.
I think though it goes one step back, i.e. WHY he or she has got someone new waiting in the wings.
I mean, it's really improbable that a person in a joyous fulfilling relationship just goes out one day and, strolling in a mall or downtown etc., they just - zap ! - see the creature of their dreams, fall instantly in love and proceed to discard the old partner.
It's more probable that the old relationship has already started feeling unfulfilling, boring, wrong , unhappy... for one of the reasons you quoted, or all of them, or some other ones,...and this is, more or less consciously, suggesting to
the unfulfilled,disappointed partner to begin beeing on the look out for a new entry.
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