A
female
age
36-40,
*tella19
writes:My boyfriend and I got into a heated argument last night while he was drunk he snapped from being fine to screaming at me and calling me.a whore and all those other lovely names people call one another. He wanted to get up to leave I stood in the doorway he grabbed me and pushed me to the ground. I called my family crying and of course I have an older brother so you can guess what happened. He beat my boyfriends ass. Afterward my boyfriend calls about 30 times theeating to call the cops he eventully does . Brothers arrested released a few hours later. My boyfriend calls its now 5am saying I hope you thought it was worth it even though he's emotionally abused me for about a year. And that he never wanted to see me again and that he no longer had feelings for me. I never meant for all this to happen. He said he would come get his stuff today but still hasn't showed. But he has said that were done for good. We've gotten in fights many times and he's always come back I never meant for it to turn out this way. I need advice!
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female
reader, GeorgiaGirl84 +, writes (21 June 2008):
 I think he's leaving stuff deliberately because it gives him a reason to keep seeing you. He's probably scheming to get you back. He also knows it hurts you. Right now he has all the control and power. It's way for him to punish you for what happened. He'll probably use a major guilt trip on you next. I agree with everyone else, you should go ahead and pack all his stuff up so there's no excuse for him to keep coming back.
I promise you that you can find someone else to have fun with. It hasn't been that long since you guys broke up so it will be hard at first. I was in a bad relationship and it helped me to weigh all the good and bad in my relationship. I sat down and made a list of all the good things and all the bad things. The bad REALLY outnumbered the good, like ridicuously high. It was exactly what I needed to see. Sometimes all we do is remember the fun times and we forget about the rest. I don't recommend this choice, but here's a suggestion. In the event you decide to maintain a relationship with him, I think the both of you should get counseling. Otherwise, let things go for your own sake.
A
female
reader, stella19 +, writes (17 June 2008):
stella19 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI understand where you guys are coming from its just hard with the good times to get so used to someone. And be comfortable . He won't talk to me he won't see me I just want to talk to him he's taking things from our place that aren't his and then again he's leaving a lot I would think if you really wanted to leave someone you pack all your shit and get the hell out
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A
female
reader, RubyBooth  +, writes (17 June 2008):
Ok Stella, it's time to take the bull by the horns and look the facts in the face. This relationship is past breaking point.
Lets get some perspective. This is just one of the intimate relationships that you will have in your life. Your life is a journey, if you learn all you can from the experiences you have, then your life will be a happy one.
You can react to this problem in whichever way you choose Stella.
If you return to this relationship you are communicating that you accept the abuse and you are inviting it to continue.
This is a kind of self harm.
You will be damaging your self esteem.
Its very important to be nice to yourself Stella.
To learn all you can from this experience you need to be very honest with yourself. Have you been abusive, verbally or physically in this relationship? Its never ok to abuse anyone.
This relationship has stopped being a happy place, its time to leave. For the sake of you personal development, remember the good times and move on.
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A
female
reader, pepper27 +, writes (16 June 2008):
 Hi Hunny
You say your b/f has emotionally abused you for about a year sweetheart this is not good this is not how you should be treated by the one that loves you. Last night things came to a point and he got his arse kicked for abusing you, Ive been in abusive realationships and one in particular was just terrible. Hunny you really need to think of yourself and how this will and has affected you. No one wants to live like this and its so hard when you love someone only for them to turn out to be an emotional bully and as you found last night a Physical one. He hasnt come to get his stuff! Hunny my advise to you is bag his stuff up and leave it ready for him. He is angry and will be hatefull to you because you got help and he was up against a male not a female someone he feels more in control over, Dont let this continue its happened you cant take it back but maybe it happened for a good reason as you deserve better love. You deserve to be treated with respect and love and that are so important in life never settle for abuse sweetheart of anykind, If you need a chat at anytime message me, I understand how you feel, You must never forget how very special you are and that you are worth so much more than this man was showing you...PLEASE TAKE CARE OF YOU WITH LOTS OF LOVE N HUGS MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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A
female
reader, GeorgiaGirl84 +, writes (16 June 2008):
First of all you admit your boyfriend emotionally abuses you. That's never okay and there's never an excuse for it. To make the situation worse, he physically put his hands on you. Maybe it's just a one time thing, but maybe it's not. Do you really want to take that risk? The fact that he already emotionally abuses you only makes me think the physical abuse will escalate. All that aside, how important is your family to you? Would you choose your boyfriend over your family because that's what's going to happen if you take him back. You'll be completely isolated from the people who really love you when your boyfriend crosses the line again. Have no doubt he's going to cross the line again. I would just let him go. You are so much better off without him. You need a guy that will treat you like a princess and that has your best interests at heart. I would suggest you move on.
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A
female
reader, countrygirlWV +, writes (16 June 2008):
 Here's the way I see it get a few boxes put his stuff in there and sit them outside. If he comes he comes if he doesn't then ok. Its never ok to hurt neone else when its unnessisary. Hell maybe ur brother beat some since into the boy and knows he don't need to be around there nemore. I know its probly a big mess but it'll settle just don't let no guy push u artound there's no since for it physicly or emotionally
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