A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I need some much needed advice. I have been with my fiance' for 9 yrs now and engaged for 4yrs. We planned a trip to get married in florida in 2006. He is my rock, best friend, lover and I feel I am the same to him. About 3 weeks before we were to get married he started acting strange, secretive, going out with friends more. I kinda brushed it off for his nerves right before we were to get married. We went on our trip but I chose not to get married sayng scheduling on the island fell thru. but all was good, till we got back and he got very distant. I used his phone one day only to find numerous calls and texts to this woman. I waited bout 2 weeks and things between us were stressed. He didn't come home one night and the next day I called the woman only for her to claim she was surprised he was engaged. She continued to tell me he pursed her at a club when he with his friend and the next week they slept together at a hotel. I confronted home and he claims he was pressured. We have been working on things to get things right again ONLY to find out he has been constantly calling the woman and I found him at her house-claiming to help move furniture. He stated I cant get past this but as I explain I can't when it thrown in my face everyday when he continues to talk to her. He claims they are just friends but I feel and have told him that is very disrespectful to me and our relationship. We cant get back on track when she is still involved.I love him very deeply and I knw he loves me but the continued hurt is too much. I have ask and given him space to think but when i ask about the other woman he says I am not going to chose his friends. As hard as it is.. it seems like with him saying that he wants me and her???? Please help with any advice.Should I move on? Should I fight for the man I love?
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best friend, engaged, fiance, move on, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2010): Well, he sounds like an excellent manipulator. How on earth did he convince you to put his name on the deed when you pay the mortgage and aren't even legally married.
No, do not leave your house. I would start looking for a good attorney, a real estate attorney or even a divorce attorney and take their advice on how to handle the legal aspects of this.
You can also file a restraining order, call the police and have him removed from the home. Because you live with him you should easily be able to get a restraining order.
Site that he is abusing you, you don't have to be specific, the abuse does not have to be physical and it shouldn't matter that he is on the deed. If you claim abuse, which in my opinion he is abusing you emotionally, then you can have him kicked out.
You should also have another family member there when you do this as a witness and protection from things escalating further.
Sorry this is happening to you, but he sounds like a real prick, sorry.
A
female
reader, Auntie E +, writes (7 March 2010):
 Move on. This guy does not love you. This is not what real love feels like. His behavior is reprehensible. Cheaters never stop cheating. They love the thrill of the chase and can't give that rush up. Lose this nasty guy.
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A
male
reader, Honest Answer +, writes (7 March 2010):
 You need to move on. He clearly (his actions) knows what he wants. I can see no good reason why he needs to stay in contact with this "other" woman except to keep his options open in case the relationship between the two of you falls through.
Count your stars for interviening on your could be wedding. Someone was looking out for you.
There is a prince out there for you. I know that there is. But you need to loose some baggage before you can find him.
Good Luck!
Jeff
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all the comments and suggestions. We live together. I have ask/told him to leave several times and he refuses. my name is on the mortgage and I added him to the deed...I don't know what to do? Just leave my house becasue I have been told he has to sign off on the deed to be removed. and he refuses to do that????
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (7 March 2010):
You shouldn't need to compete with another woman for the man you love, because he is supposed to love you. This is a man who has cheated on you, and has kept you engaged without marriage for fours years. From the male point of view, I'll tell you right not that he's not committed enough and doesn't have enough respect. Find a decent guy.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2010): No you should not fight with for the man you love.
How about getting a spine and some self respect and telling him not to let the door hit him in the ass when he leaves.
He does not respect you, it is clear from his behavior. You are behaving as a doormat by allowing him to stay in your bed, be engaged and working on your relationship when he is cheating with another woman. I would listen to her by the way...this is a glaring red flag warning and you are either misquided, delusional, or just to desperate for love to see that this man is not a good bet.
Unless you want a relationship without trust, are willing to share your man sexually with other women and perhaps be subject to serious health problems as a result, then yes by all means go fight for the man you love.
But if I were in your shoes I wouldn't even talk to him about it, you have all the evidence you need. He is a cheater. Anyone who answers your concerns about disrespect, trust in the relationship with "you are not going to pick my friends". Is an abusive controller....and a jerk. He simply does not love you.
And that by the way is a reflection on him, not you. He's not worthy.
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A
female
reader, bubblygirl  +, writes (7 March 2010):
It seems that he is not going to give her up. He is not taking your relationship seriously. Move on before you're actually married to him and have more problems to deal with. Good luck!
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