A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Sorry this is so long but I really need help! (and to vent!)I am a healthy, slim, attractive girl in her mid twenties. I have been with my fiance for two years now and everything is great but the only problem is that he will not have sex with me!!!!I am a virgin and it wasn't until last year that I really felt ready to have sex. I told my other half but he didn't do anything about it. A few months later I told him again that I wanted to have sex. Again, he didn't act on the request. I give him oral sex which he likes and he also helps me to masturbate but other than that there is no other sexual contact! Finally at the end of last year I got really angry and upset with him and we broke up because he wouldn't have sex with me but got back together again a few days after. I thought perhaps this might motivate him to have sex with me but nope! nothing. I am still a virgin. The sad thing is that he has had a few sexual partners and also has a kid!! I have tried everything, I have tried to seduce him with sexy outfits, I have cooked for him, tried to make out with him...but nothing seems to work and he will not have sex with me. I feel really rejected and I do not know what to do. I know he is not gay and he says he is very much attracted to me but he just wont take things furthur. His reasons are that he feels that I(me) am not ready, that it is never the right time, we have to get up early, we have work to do, we are apart on weekends etc etc and this list goes on.
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broke up, fiance, got back together, oral sex, still a virgin Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2010): if its performance: viagra.
emotional: shrink
Try asking how would it feel if you witheld oral sex and making out with him.
If all else fails and you dont go anywhere. There's nothing but to leave.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2010): I have been in a monogomous relationship for twenty years. The key is communication. There are a lot of things that could be going on here. My instict is telling me that he may be afraid that he won't be able to get it up for regular sex. It happens to men sometimes. Some guys especially when they are inexpierienced, and I consider your boyfriend inexpierienced, relatively speaking. Some guys can masterbate for hours or have oral sex but can't get hard for their woman for vaginal sex. It's called performance anxiety. Something may happened with one of his former partners that is causing him stress. If that is the case then it's not a big deal but you both have to talk about it.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (7 March 2010):
 I think your fiance have a fear of getting you pregnant or he has commitment problems.
Two years is sufficient time to tie the knot unless he has solid reasons not to.
You should give him a time frame otherwise you will be in a timeless black hole and wasting your youth away.
If he is not committed, he will not change even after a few years down the road.
Better to move on before you waste another few years on him.
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A
female
reader, jayronae  +, writes (7 March 2010):
 Has he ever mentioned that he wants to have sex with you after u r married? Its natural to want that physical bond to complement the love u have for him... It will be hard to be a married couple if u r sexually frustrated; it will just fuel fights and anger
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2010): A good marriage needs lots of good ongoing communication.
If he won't have sex with you, then at least you should be able to demand to discuss it for real. No "I'm just not in the mood" excuses. If nothing else, at least you deserve an explanation for why he feels this way. And if he says he can't explain it or doesn't know why, then at least he needs to face the fact that this is becoming a real problem for you and start trying to work it out.
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A
female
reader, AuntyAlexxmo +, writes (7 March 2010):
 You need to sit him down and ask him straight why he wont have sex with you, not take excuses from him and make him tell you the truth. If he says that he does not believe that you are ready explain to him that the only person who really knows if you are ready is you and you know that you are and he should except would you say. If he is still not willing then you need to tell him how it makes you feel and tell him that you are not willing to stay if his behaviour carrys on. good luck =]
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2010): aren't you going to marry him?? fiance? then wait till the wedding!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2010): I'm not going to be able to go into detail because there is too many variables here...but something isn't right. I would understand if he said he wanted to wait until you were both married, but he isn't a virgin so that wouldn't make too much sense. Either he isn't sexually attracted to you or he is gay (despite having a kid, this is common with many gay men). What would happen if, during oral sex, you took matters into your own hands and got on top of him? Depending on how he reacts, it may help you figure things out. If anything, it will prove to him that you ARE ready for sex, so he can't use that (terrible) excuse anymore.
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