A
female
age
41-50,
*hloeElizabeth
writes:I need help. I am dating someone who never calls me and rarely texts me. We have been dating for 3 months, and he says that he wants to "take things slow." Is this normal? I am all for not rushing into things, but wouldn't a guy want to talk to a woman he is interested in more than this? Please help! Thanks!
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female
reader, ChloeElizabeth +, writes (16 June 2015):
ChloeElizabeth is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell this relationship has now ended...I received a "breakup text" a few days ago from him. I have to say that I am happy this relationship is over, and the next time someone barely makes an effort with me, I'm going to walk instead of stare at my phone all day. I have better things to do, like roller skate and hike. Thanks for all of your advice! :)
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (11 May 2015):
 I would just bring it up on the next date. IF you like to call/text at least once a day I would tell him instead of over analyzing WHY he isn't doing it. It might BE that his last GF was a text-bomber and all he really wants is a GF who isn't "needy" who doesn't CONSTANTLY requires attention.
You can also CALL him in the evening ( though I would not call after 9 pm) and talk about YOUR day and hear about HIS day. Let's say you had that Saturday date and have another planned for Wednesday Calling him Sunday or Monday I would PRESUME was quite OK. NOW if you... ARE ALWAYS the one to call him between dates, I'd be a little weary.
I do NOT use text for conversation, never have. I use it for short "emergency things" - such as hubby pick up a gallon of milk on your way home, or call your brother.
(of course I'm also from the generation where people didn't stay GLUED to their cellphones, they ACTUALLY enjoyed the dinner they were having or whomever they were spending time with, even going shopping without having to CONSTANTLY be available. I honestly DON'T know how people do this. I have seen my nieces (in their 20's) SIT NEXT to each other TEXTING each other instead of talking. We had a bonfire and the SAME "girls" took some selfies to post on FB with the bonfire and didn't participate at all in the games, glow in the dark badminton, horseshoes and general conversations. THEY didn't HAVE to come. I would say I didn't SEE the point of them coming. No wonder so many younger people are SO socially inept.
Anyhow, back to your story OP (sorry for the digression) this guy may NOT be a fan of texting or using text for anything BUT emergencies.
BUT if you NEED more communication with a guy you are dating, I would bring it up. (and not over text or phone, but in person).
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (11 May 2015):
 Yes, Chigirl, you are right, and maybe I was reading too much between the lines :
Due to the many posts that we get from women who get offended / insecure if they do not get daily ( or hourly ! ) texts with " Hi " , " Miss you " " I'm at work " and stuff.
What I meant is, say that you got together on Sat. or Sunday, and you fixed to meet again on Wednesday, - there's ALSO ,still nowadays, people who would be fine with no contact in between ,and that does not mean neglect or indifference or " playing you " ; they just have a full busy life, or actually it's even a choice, they PREFER to have something left to talk about, they sort of make mental notes " Oh I have to tell X next time I see her "; it keeps things fresher, less ordinary , less mundane .
Of course, if he shows up and then slides back below rhe radar for the next two or three weeks,.. only to resurface again asking for sex, then you should just follow Chigirl's example and get rid of him; he would not be "taking it slow ", he would be taking you for granted and wasting YOUR time.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (11 May 2015):
 In regards to what CindyCares said, that is correct. It depends on how often you meet him, but in order to meet up you normally call/text to agree on a time and place, so I figured you didn't see him in this time period either? That guy I told you about, I only saw him twice a month, lol. And since a month of this nonsense was enough for me, I only saw him those two times before I texted him to tell him I was moving on. And his reply was "I told you I like to take it slow", haha! Can you believe it... How are you supposed to get to know someone if you don't talk to them? If you like someone, and you are curious about them, you want to talk to them to get to know them. It's possible to get to know someone and taking it slow at the same time.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (11 May 2015):
It depends from how much time you spend together in person. If it's enough, like a few dates a week, then ,no, even in this age of constant connection , there's people too who do not need to be ALSO texting all the time, ( mostly about inanities ). They LIKE, in fact, having something left to tell you about for next time you meet, rather than giving you the running commentary of their daily life.
If this is long distance, or you are too busy to meet fairly often, then yes, that would show that he is not much into you.
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A
male
reader, SensitiveBloke  +, writes (11 May 2015):
 He's not interested in having a proper relationship with you.
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (11 May 2015):
I also met a guy once who wanted to take things slow. I thought he meant not moving ahead too soon, go on dates, not be exclusive and just see how things go before making any commitments. But naaah.. what he meant was NOT call me or text me for about two weeks, then suggested I come to his place to stay for the weekend and have sex and pretend we were in a relationship, just so he could check it out. And then I presume not call me or text me again for the next weeks?
Oh yeah, there are some weirdos out there. Not everyone have the same understanding of what taking it slow means.
Do I need to say, I ended communication with that in less than a month. And I never went to his place so he could "test drive" me.
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A
male
reader, Over 50 advice +, writes (11 May 2015):
 This is a red flag all the way, is he giving you the attention you want? nope. Don't ever settle for someone that is not making you feel special, you know what type of guy you want so you need to spend some time finding him instead of wasting your life on this. Relationships need to be moving forward not sitting still.
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A
female
reader, MSA +, writes (11 May 2015):
 How are you communicating if you both are not calling each other or texting? Do you spend a lot of time in person?
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