A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have a question to both the men and women on this site. How do you feel about stretch marks and saggy boobs? Please be honest. I am a recent single mom and I gave birth and breast fed 2 beautiful daughters almost back to back and my body took a major downward spiral, much worse than I was expecting I guess. My problems are what my breasts now look like, and how I got horrible big stretch marks. My boobs have always been small, but now are sagging a lot and almost look deflated somewhat. My stretch marks are huge and have been red for a long time. Literally my stomach is covered in them. I know this is common after pregnancy, but it just makes me feel insecure and I'm embarrassed to start dating again. I lost my virginity to the father of my children, so he has been the only man to ever see my body. So to men, how do you feel about a woman with the issues I mentioned above? Are stretch marks and saggy boobs a turn off? And to the women out there, how did you feel about your body after pregnancy? Did you feel insecure?
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boobs, breasts, insecure, lost my virginity, stretch marks Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (14 May 2015):
 If it can make you feel any better : your stretchmarks look so severe because they are red, ( stria rubra ) and they look red because they are fresh. Stretchmarks are essentially a process of scarification so like any scar they'll shrink and fade in time, and they'll go from
" stria rubra "
( red ) to " stria densata " ( a light, barely visible silvery white ). If you are fair skinned, they blend with the background, people don't really notice from a distance, they really have to have their nose ON your butt or belly etc. to see them, and, if they get to be with their nose there,- chances are they like you enough anyway : ) and a few stretchmarks won't turn them off.
You can speed up the process and prevent the appearal of new ones by using religiously , twice a day, specific products containing emollient, hydrating substances like aloe vera ,coconut, almond oil, etc. There's also " harder " stuff which stimulates the production of fresh collagene to repair the broken fibres. They DO work - if you are constant, if you've got the money ( they are sort of costly ) and if you do not expect miracles, but just a visible improvement of what they look like. Ask your chemist or dermatologist.
Speaking of which, I am being told that there are more radical surgical treatments for stretchmarks - pulsating lazer light, or diathermolisis I think it's called , and /or other stuff with weird names, which in theory can even eliminate, or greatly reduce eliminate ( 80 % ) your stretchmarks, but since it is VERY expensive and time consuming,- unless you've got money to burn and a ferocious insecurity, the best thing , I think, is for you to accept that all bodies change, and all women get stretchmarks , even those who never have babies , did you know that ?( since only part of them is due to the mechanical strss of gaining or losing weight ). In part , it's hormons ,so many girls get stretchmarks during puberty or later on when reaching hormonal peaks.
Therefore, I can't vouch for every single male on earth, I can't exclude there will be some finicky one who would say " Eeeew! Stretchmarks ! oh noooooo ! " but I think the average male has already met stretcmarks and " made friends " with them in his life before getting to yours ,so if I were you I would not worry.
( Pls. BTW : who cares what men want ?! As if THEIR bodies never changed and always stayed those of perfect 20something Greek gods ! )
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2015): Most women have babies, and most women have stratchmarks and saggy boobs after that. This is just how nature works. Of course young girls who never had babies won't have saggy bobs and stratch marks, but so what?
Some women have scars from C section, some have other issues, but so do men.,you don'tknow what every individual man wants and looking for.,
Just remember : no one imperfect . If you are so worried about stratchmarks, tell a guy ahead of time.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2015): So is the male responder below saying that severe stretch marks , which is common with a LOT of women after pregnancy ( as stated earlier it's largely genetics ) bother him?
In what ways does it bother it face t your attraction to a woman. No judgrment but as a woman with quite sever post pregnancy stretch marks that have faded but will never go , I'm just wondering how I know what a man who is bothered by them is thinking and whether to avoid such men
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (12 May 2015):
I don't think you should worry about what a few guys think. Everyone is different and you should just be yourself; what one guy doesn't like another will.
But, I don't recommend hiding yourself. If it makes you feel more comfortable you can bring it up prior to when you expect to be intimate.
Personally I like somewhat saggy boobs just fine. Stretch marks don't bother me at all if they're not too severe, bit they're not a deal breaker either way.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (11 May 2015):
 Bio-oil helps with fading the stretchmarks. (not for other people, but for you).
I have had 3 kids, ALL BIG babies, but I used cocoa-butter "religiously" and only had one minor stretchmarks. Now while I DO think the cocoa-butter helped... GENETICS helped me more. My mom, grandmother never had any either. So it is the "luck" of the draw.
As for your boobs. I went from a 34B (before pregnancy) to 36DD during and while breastfeeding. After I was done breastfeeding I went down to a 36C, so a little sag. BUT there are SO many exercises to HELP you tone up those muscles UNDER the "breast fat". You are in your early 20's so GETTING back in shape will be EASIER for you. Get a couple of 1 lbs/2 lbs/5lbs dumbbells or go to the gym and GET started. Here is a link to some of the exercises that can help you.
http://www.womenshealthmag.com/fitness/breast-lifting-exercises
Whether or not it's a "turn off" for your mate to see you changed by childbirth is LESS important than YOU adjusting to your NEW body. My advice it to GET fit and LOVE the skin you are in. HE will too. AND I don't mean you have to look like a skinny veteran Zumba instructor, but pay attention to YOURSELF, look AFTER YOURSELF. Exercising will make YOU feel better and so will the results.
Stretchmarks aren't flaws. They are JUST part of you now - BECAUSE.... you carried a baby.
Last but not least, GET SOME good bras.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2015): Hi hon, well yes I did and I have had four. Firstly it wasn't a weight thing for me as I knew I could lose that and did. Many childless women or men assume it's about the weight and don't undrtstand that a woman's body often changes in IRREVESIBLE ways such as scars and sagging . Some people may even try and tell you stretch mark can be made to go . They can't. They will fade though. As my doctor said , stretch marks are caused by the walls tun fibres seperating and once they do , they cannot be meshed back together . The only answer is to wait for them to fade but I understand if you are upset by the looseness if skin that multiple stretch marks can cause after bubMy husband always made me feel horrible by using porn of young women who had clearly never been pregnant , let alone four times . He never understood that it hurt me. He never once complimented me ir tried to help me feel sexy .In the end I left . It took me twelve months of intense therapy to finally understand one thing and I think this may be important for you too That thing is this ... It doesn't matter one but what any man thinks !!!! Your body has done something amazing that NO man is even capable of ! Rejoice in what you have achieved and the beautiful life you brought into the world .If you meet someone who you feel close to and want to share your body with, you will know if he is differnet and values the real beauty of a woman , such as her life story and achievement and not some glorified teenager image that most men seek Be true to yourself hon and you will see it's true
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