A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend dumped me cause I went to a strip club. He's been with friends and though he warned me he was jealous, I never knew he'd go so far. My friend took me and I had no idea we were headed there. I know I could have left but it didn't seem a big deal since there was no full nudity and I just watched. He said "fuck you for hurting me, it's over" I feel terrible that I hurt him but I can't believe it's over because of this. I don't mind that he went at all. Insights please?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2015): Hi all! I'm the OP. I should mention that the night I went out, we had a "phone date" cause he was working overnight but I didn't plan on staying too late so I figured it'd still happen...yeah, it is a double standard. I'm upset cause he had some nice qualities but I guess compatibility wouldn't have worked! Thanks!
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (11 May 2015):
 Be GLAD he dumped you now. This ridiculous and misogynist double-standard is just the beginning. Next you can't talk to other guys, or wear short(er) skirts, revealing outfits, can't wear to much make up....... Because HE will JUST be jealous.
Being jealous is not an excuse for being an asshat.
Block and delete his number, Facebook and so forth and MOVE on.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (11 May 2015):
 Sounds to me like he was looking for an excuse to end it.
either that or he's got a huge double standard
either way I'd say "thank you" for ending it and making sure you were not with someone that can't be an adult.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2015): Reading your post I just think this person has one set of rules for him and another for you. I spent nearly 18 years with someone like this and deeply regret it. He could go out, get drunk, stay out all night and expect not to be questioned, but to be forgiven. If I went out he had to know exactly where I was going, who I would be with. I once stayed out at a female friend's house overnight as there was no way to get home safely. He went crazy and sulked for weeks on end, bringing it up at every chance. That's just the tip of the iceberg as far as his unequal behaviour went.The guy involved has NO sense of equality. He feels he is superior to you and should be allowed to do things, as a man, that you, as a women, should not. I wouldn't even hesitate to dump him. I wouldn't even bother to tell him he is dumped or to explain why. You could spend a lifetime (or eighteen years, like I did) educating and explaining to a 'man' like this why their behaviour is unfair. It will be a waste of time. At best, when you are worn out, exhausted and your spirit is broken and numbed from unequal treatment, he will move on to some other woman and treat her a little bit better than you. Still not equal, but a little better. Believe me, your energy and efforts will be far better placed elsewhere.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (11 May 2015):
 So, he WENT to strip clubs. But, you can't go . Double standard much ?
Yes, that in my book would be a stupid reason to break up, ( unless he wanted to break up anyway and took the first excuse you offered him ). But , I would let it be over and in fact congratulate myself for having dodged a bullet. If he is so jealous, and chauvinist, he won't make a great BF for anybody.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (11 May 2015):
 Am I right in understanding he has been to strip clubs? Maybe its a good thing he broke up with you, double standards in relationships can lead to resentment and even more hurt.
I agree with Jannipeg, if he is going to get jealous over you watching male entertainers then the next step would be getting jealous when you talk to any male regardless if they are work colleagues, customers or male friends and relatives of women you know.
Turn this situation back on him, and view the breakup as being a good thing for you in the long run.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (11 May 2015):
 I've been to a strip club with my ex-husband. It really was no big deal. I also had a Norwegian friend that went with her mother to a strip club. There are people who look at it as entertainment. If women enjoy watching the bikini section in beauty pageants, then how much difference is it to watch semi naked ladies dancing? If you two are of different cultures it would be very difficult to understand why two girls (I would assume your friend is a girl) went to a strip club. All he knows is that guys go there to get lap dances and may be boobs rubbed on their faces. If girls go there they must be up to no good. They must be dressing up like strippers too, getting noticed by men, probably getting picked up by them.
I feel you two don't communicate well. Usually if it happens reversely with the two sexes, the woman would voice out how uncomfortable she is with the idea, and tell the man not to go. In this case, he didn't get to express his disapproval but at the same time he felt you purposefully withheld what you were doing.
If it's over because of this, it means your boyfriend (soon to be ex) is too uptight and insecure for you. You should ask him if he really meant the break up. If he did, then gently let him go and realize that if it wasn't for strip club it would be other things, like talking to guys.
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A
male
reader, Over 50 advice +, writes (11 May 2015):
 Insights please?
He's hurt for now maybe over time he will cool off but he may just move on and so should you. Have you tried talking with him? how long since you had contact with him? If you haven't heard from him, then just move on. If you do wind up getting back together I guarantee when you he will bring up the strip club event at every argument.
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