A
female
age
36-40,
*ola16182
writes:2 weeks ago my boyfriend of 2 1/2 years and I went "on a break". It was his idea since we had been spending too much time together and arguing a lot more than normal. A few days later I asked what he meant by "break" and he said it was that we were still dating but just spending less time together. So I said ok. Well since then he has gone out partying a few times with girl friends from school and thinks nothing of it. He never wants to go with me, and he's telling all his friends (male and female) that we are on a break even though we had said we weren't going to tell people.. but whatever.Anyway we still hang out a few times a week and yesterday he stayed over and he was like "goodnight friend" and I said what? And then he got this goofy grin on his face and started talking in what seemed a joking matter and was like "yeah, you're my best friend, my friend with benefits" and I said uh, no we are still dating, to which he replied "yeah but we're on a break" and I told him to stop talking like that. I've had a hard time dealing with this "break" and he knows it. He knows I have trust issues and gets mad at me if I have an outburst or make a comment regarding it. Then he asked in the same goofy manner, "what would you do if we broke up?" and I tried to be calm and said I'd be very upset but if it was his decision I couldn't do anything about it. Now mind you I was being calm so that he wouldnt get mad, and then he replied with "You dont sound that mad, I figured you'd cry, you dont love me"It's like I am trying to contain myself, but he seems to like edging me on and trying to make me mad. I asked why he said those things and his reason was that "he was joking and it was an interesting conversation starter" then he kissed me and said goodnight I love you. It's bothering me so much inside I want to be sick, but I don't want to react because thats what he wants and he then gets mad at me for being mad.Is he trying to see my reactions ahead of time before he actually implements it or something? What is his motive here?
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a break, best friend, broke up, friend with benefits, I love you Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, guppypig  +, writes (26 March 2009):
As Oscar Wilde once wrote, "It's most dangerous nowadays for a husband to pay any attention to his wife in public. It always makes people think he beats her when they're alone."
Your boyfriend is more interested in appearances than substance. Unless you are as shallow as he is, you will dump him. Hope that helps.
A
female
reader, lola16182 +, writes (24 March 2009):
lola16182 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey everyone, I'm really happy with the numerous responses. Well he is at school right now but are supposed to be getting together later to go to the movies. So I think I would like to bring the topic up with him and just stop him in his tracks and be like--do you want to be with me or not? like is this just your way of letting me down easy? because if it is I'd rather you just do this now"
The weird part is that in public he is still fine, he will hold my hand, go out like to the mall or for dinner, and still has "in a relationship" with me on good ol facebook.
Although he did make a comment about that that he doesnt like having relationship status on facebook because "too many of his friends are asking questions right now since we are having problems" and deleted one of my posts last week about a midterm because he said "his sister will see it and tell his parents which are always on his butt about his marks in school" I don't know but to me it sounded like BS, just thought I'd add that in, what do you guys think?
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A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (24 March 2009):
 This guy is trying to test you, to see how far he can push you before you snap. He is playing games and sounds like an immature little boy. To be honest with you, he doesnt sound like a guy that is mature enough to be in a committed relationship.
Maybe after 2 and half years together he is thinking he wants to be able to go off and have his fun but he likes having you sat around waiting for him when he is done having fun.
I cant understand why you are putting up with this - he is being totally disrespectful towards you and the time you have spent together. As for the whole "break" situation - this sounds like something right out of school. I remember kids aged 14 would go on a break when they got bored and they wanted to kiss someone else! You dont take "breaks" from a relationship, you are either together or your not. You cannot just take time out whenever things get tough, he is acting like a child.
You clearly dont agree with this idea of a break, and by the sounds of it you have done nothing wrong here it is just him behaving like an idiot. I think you need to talk to your boyfriend and tell him you dont want some half-hearted relationship; you either are together properly or not at all. Breaks normally lead to a break-up, they never make things better. If he is acting like everything is a joke, and he is showing no signs of missing you then there are no signs that this relationship is progressing in the right direction.
Talk to your boyfriend but be prepared for the worst, he might have been planning on taking more of a permanent break and by you speaking to him you may push him into ending things now rather than a couple of months later. But dont stand for his behaviour - if he is not mature enough to be the man you deserve then move on, there is no point in wasting your time on an idiot like him.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
male
reader, tux +, writes (24 March 2009):
 I think he mentally has already broken up with you. He is just keeping you around for the fun. Either that or he is playing games with you and seeing as other aunts said by seeing how far he can push you. My philosophy is if they want to play games, they are not worth the time.
BUt I think you should just treat it as a break as he is.. Go party with some guy friends.. I'm not saying to go out and have sex with them, just party and hang out with them.
OR you can just say that you've had a big enough break and see what he says.
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A
female
reader, pepper27 +, writes (24 March 2009):
 Hi Hunny
It sounds to me as if he is being mean at this moment towards you, Playing with your heart this way.
You have to really think about this as it would not make me happy at all if someone did the same to me, He needs to make his mind up does he want you or not..Are you on a break in the relationship or just having time apart????You need to be strong hunny and sometimes that means standing for what you believe is right, and his behaviour towards you is not right. If it were me Id ask him what he wants what he really wants as you cant hang around feeling like this you have to know and he needs to get some balls and tell you what's going on in his head. If you need a chat love message me YOU TAKE CARE SWEETHEART WITH LOVE N HUGS MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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A
male
reader, guppypig +, writes (24 March 2009):
He probably wants to see how far he can push it. Probably figured it was worth the risk, on the off chance you did agree to be his penis sleeve.
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