A
female
age
36-40,
*eirstan
writes:I have been with my husband since high school, we got married last summer and I thought we had the perfect relationship. He is in the army and will be leaving to do a 8 month tour on April 15. Last night I overheard him telling his brother that he is uneasy about leaving me out of fear that I will cheat on him. He actually used the words "I don't think I can trust her". I have never cheated or even thought about it. I'm not a flirty person and everyone who knows us is always saying that we are so in love it's gross.Why won't he trust me? Should I tell him that I over heard him?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2009): i would tell him you heard him and find out why he would think somthing like that. and ease his mind he could just be worried about going away
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2009): hi and sorry it took so long to get back i am very new to this all but to the question at hand yes you should if you have never given him a reason then there should be no problem that is just out of the question that it is any way ok to accuse you or think you could do anything! you should realy talk to him and let him know that you heard him and ask him why would he even say somthing like that ease his mind and at the same time make sure you have nothing to worry about on his behalf!
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A
female
reader, jessica04 +, writes (24 March 2009):
 I was in your exact position. My HS sweetheart and I got married as soon as I turned 18 (I was still in school, then after I graduated, I moved with him to his duty station. 8 months later he deployed.
The truth of the matter is that the Army specifically has the highest divorce rate of all the services. Maybe the Marines are higher, but not that I heard.
He has probably already heard of several of his buddys being cheated on by their wives, and they haven't even deployed yet. I know I was one of the only faithful wives while my ex was deployed. There were 4 divorces in the year that they were in Iraq.
Talk to him. You need to be up front with him about what he heard and what concerns both of you have. I had my brother in law keeping tabs on me too (he didn't know that I knew he was though, lol).
The last thing you need is for him to overact and cut off any money he sends you (which is illegal for him to do and he can get an Article 15 for), or for him to freak out and divorce you via the internet. It has happened before.
Even if deep down he knows you are not cheating, be prepared to be accused of it almost daily. It's just the mind set for the guys out there. It's very emotionally draining for them to try and balance work and home in a war zone. You just need to be very patient, and not take it personally. And in the end, all that really matters is knowing that you are a good person. If you can go to sleep at night knowing that you are a faithful wife with nothing to hide, then you're all the better for it.
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A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (24 March 2009):
 I think the other 2 answers are right here; he is just worried about leaving you behind and this is only natural. Its not that he doesnt trust you, I bet he doesnt trust everyone else and he will be feeling uncomfortable about the distance that will be between you.
If I were you I would tell him that you overheard his conversation. Dont get mad at him or start saying "why cant you trust me" over and over as this will just make him hostile. Talk things over calmly, and try and reassure him about how much you love him and will miss him while he is away. And make sure your time together before he goes away is as special as possible, so you have good memories before he leaves.
He should just realise that you have been together for a long time, and you took your marriage vows to each other therefore you are not about to break yours any time soon.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (24 March 2009):
 Bless his heart, he's just suffering from the "I'm leaving my pretty young bride,(who any guy would be lucky to have) who I love with all my heart, behind to fend for herself for 8 months" syndrome. Talk to some of your friends in the military, it's as common as the hiccups. I think you can relax here and just bask in the glow of a loving husband. And tell him thanks for me.
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A
female
reader, thistoshallpass +, writes (24 March 2009):
Honey, if you guys are really in love with each other you can get through this.... I would sit down and talk with him, let him know that you unintentionally over heard his conversation. When you approach this subject with him, be gentle let him know he has no reason not to trust you and that it hurts you he would think that poorly of you, ask him why he feels that way and how you two can work this out together. Some of his hesitation may not be a lack of trust in you at all, he could be deflecting his nervousness about going on tour to you. I'm sorry your going through this and if you need anything please feel free to send me a message.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2009): you should deff tell him you over herd...explain to him that your love for him is unconditional and it will never change...it will be hard to trust being that army men know how the wife and husband thing sometimes doesnt work out when being seperated for so long..my sisters husband is in the army as well, and he tells us all sorts of stories about men calling their wives and other men answering the phone call asking the husband why are they calling their girlfriends phone or finding out from their own wives that they have been uinfaithful and so many other crazy stories is really sad...you have to stay strong and if you really love him please dont do anything will regret in the long run. he WILL need you to support him mentally, emotionally, and spiritually just as much as you will...but when your man comes home..HAPPY...to his faithful wife things are much better and you feel as you have accomplished alot.
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A
male
reader, guppypig +, writes (24 March 2009):
He is in the army. This is a common fear. Distance puts a strain on relationships.
It's nothing personal. He hasn't accused you of anything; he's just (justifiably) nervous and insecure.
You should tell him what you overheard. Emphasize that you weren't eavesdropping, but that you want to be honest. Assure him of your fidelity. And guard that promise with your life.
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