A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Okay, let me start by saying I hate my parents! Now I'll explain why. I'm 15 and so is she. About 2 months ago I asked my girlfriend to marry me. We've never actually had sex but it has gone up to me giving her oral, she's never given it to me though. She said yes and we began wearing paper rings that I would make for the two of us. We used to talk none stop and we had discussed our dreams and began to plan our future together. Every thing seemed perfect. We stopped doing sexual things a while back because we decided that it wasn't appropriate at our age. After we stopped her mom accused me of feeling her up while we were watching a movie with her younger sister. That started a bunch of drama and everything was difficult. Our parents were arguing. I was getting in fights with my parents and she was with hers. ect. Well eventually I asked her if she'd still be willing to take me through better or worse and she said of course. We went through all of the vows and ended them with I do's. To us we are married and I prayed to god that it be official to him. As a result of our new status and her moms accusations we began doing things again. That was when I gave her oral for the first and only time since them. Afterwards I'd written her a note asking what she thought of everything. Well lucky me, her mom found it. Suddenly everyone is pissed. Her parents are treating me the same way and my parents are treating her the same way, but my parents keep yelling at me and her's keep yelling at her. It's killing us. Well now I can't talk to her, and our parents won't trust us to be alone and don't even let us be close very often. To top things off I found out that they are 3 months behind on their mortgage, her dad may need an operation and if they lose the house they are moving to Texas. To make me feel worse her mom was originally planning to let her stay with a friend to finish out the school year but after what we did she isn't gonna let her stay at all. If she moves I'll still want to continue dating her and get back together in college. I wanted to prove that to her. I very special anniversary is in a few days but we won't have a chance to celebrate. Our best chance was a homecoming last night. So we drove all around trying to find a ring for her. I wanted to give it to her with the promise that I will wait for her and a promise to her mom that we will wait till we're older to do anything. My mom didn't like the idea of a promise ring even if it wasn't a promise that i would marry her. (i told her about us exchanging vows) She wanted it to be a purity ring. Eventually she settled for a golden ring with an emerald (my girlfriend was born in may) I tried to thank her for it but she told me to wait to see what my dad said. Well my dad said it was up to me whether i would give it to her or not. I wanted to, but then about 30 min before she was to arrive they told me that they weren't going to let me give it to her. I wasn't happy but i didn't let it get to me and had an amazing night. Today I asked them why they changed their mind all of the sudden and then they started yelling at me about how i'm ungrateful and how i can't even drive yet and i think i'm married. All of the sudden their completely against me. Now i'm barricaded in my room and blasting music and thinking about running away. What should i do?
View related questions:
anniversary, get back together Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2008): If you both truly believe in God, you are married. Stay as a unit beware of non believers and others that try to pull you apart. REMEMBER YOUR VOWS and keep to them!!!!!!
You have a rough road ahead, many will try to pull you apart through jealousy and the fact they said it couldn't be done.
Walk with God +
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2008): Grow up! Start behaving yourself. You pledged yourself to God to be a decent husband to your wife. You present as aged 15years old (underage) and currently living in the USA. You feel that you have God's blessing and you and her decided to declare your love to God. To tell the truth, I have no problem with that. But that doesn't let you off the hook. People who marry early are more likely to get a divorce. That's why we don't encourage children to have sex, or get married at such a young age. But it's done now. You sought and felt you are blessed, and you have pledged yourself to this girl.
You and your girlfriend are too young for sex games. You are Christian, you should stop all this sex until you reach the legal age to make love. People all over the world marry at your age and younger. Some as young as 4years old, but it doesn't mean they are allowed to have sex. Marriage at your young age is a symbol of your love and dedication to each other. But it doesn't give you sexual rights, you are Christian and you should know better. God may have given you his blessing to be together, but that doesn't mean you have a right to have sex like an adult.
No wonder the parents are mad and angry with you. If you was acting like a proper husband, you would put your wife's well being first and you would wait until she is old enough to have sex with you properly. This marriage and pledging thing is no joke, it's not a quick way to have sex. It's supposed to bring you closer and give you more intimacy, but it is not a cheap quick way to have sex.
Look at the story of Rachel and Jacob... Jacob waited 7 years to get married to her, and then he was tricked and given her sister instead. So he waited another 7years, until he married the woman he adored. And you can't wait a couple of years to make your union blessed by all. You have decided to pledge to this girl, that is a vow to love her forever. If you can't wait until you are both 18 before having sex, how the hell are you gonna do 70 - 80 years?
True love can wait. If you love her now, you will love her tomorrow, you will love her next year, you will love her forever. There is more than sex at stake. Keep on with your bad behaviour, and you might find that they take her away and you can never see her again. I am ashamed of you. You yourself vowed to be a "husband", but you are not taking care of this girl, you are just thinking about sex.
Stop having sex and start finding other things to do to prove your love. What if she couldn't make love because she was ill, would you leave her and find someone else. Well she is disabled, her disability is called "Young Age". You are the man, start taking care of her, don't shame her by leading her into temptation and shame and guilt. Stop the sex stuff until you are both 18.
Come out of your room, behave like a responsible young man and make your parents proud. They would have agreed to the "marriage" pledge, if you had shown you could grow up and become a man. But you keep acting like a kid. Men take responsibility, they act like adults, they don't sulk and play loud music because they get told off. Be a good son, clean up the house, help your mother and father and honor them, be good in school. Change your attitude and behave as if your getting ready for married life. When they notice the change, you can explain that you are getting ready to be a good husband to the woman you want to marry one day... As I said, you need to grow up and make them proud and then they will give you more support with this.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2008): Wow.. you really have to stop taking everythinbg so damn seriously.
Officially and in the eyes of your religion and god, you are not married until the service is done by a priest or some other such qualified person.
What you are however, is committed. And believe me... while it's all good and dandy now, you don't want to make a decision until you hit a rough patch with each other. That is trully when you find out how deep your feelings go.
If you can come out of the pit of despair after something so challenging... your love will be just fine.
So stop taking it all so seriously and learn to accept that at 15, you don't really have any rights of your own other then those the laws and your parents give you. And if they say stay away... then you can do nothing until you are legally able to leave without their interference.
Flynn 24
...............................
A
female
reader, samsmommy +, writes (13 October 2008):
 How long have you guys been dating? That could be one of the many reasons your parents are against it. A lot of people (adults as well) will date for 2 seconds then decide they love each other and want to get married. Your parents are probably just trying to protect you.
Another factor is obviously your age, since you're only 15 I would just wait til you're 18 then if you still feel the same way you're parents will probably react a little differently. I know 3 yrs is a long time to wait but if you do it'll be worth it.
As far as running away, where would you go? what would you eat? and how would you make money? What would be the point of running away if you were risking starvation and you would probably be homeless? You think you have problems now? Wait til you decide to run away, when you go back home, or if your parents find you, you'll have WAY bigger problems when you get back home.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2008): I know you are angry. I know you have strong feelings.
The thing is at 15 you have been given all these feelings but your brain hasn't yet managed to control them. You are thinking of yourself but don't see it from the perspective of older people who know what happens as you grow older and have lived a bit.An adult realises that a 15yr old is a lot less equipped to deal with the world than he or she realises. They learn to drive a car, get a job and grow tall and think that's all thereis but it's not even close.
Parents rarely give birth to children to be mean to them. Giving birth is dangerous and very very expensive. You only do it for love. You want that child have the best life ever. It is heartbreaking to see a child scupper their chances by trying to be an adult at 15. Considering the success rate of relationships I would say the chances you will have broken up with this girl by the time you are 20 are about 90%. Yet I bet 80% of all people in your situation would refuse to believe me. It is true that you can't put a young head on old shoulders otherwise you would know that you shouldn't run away. You should prepare for life not diveit without knowing how to swim.
...............................
A
female
reader, aunty_rach  +, writes (12 October 2008):
do you really want to commit to someone at 15? you have not even started life yet. what is the rush. and i hate to say this, but being in my 20's i have realised that mostly when i was a teenager and i thought my parents were wrong and just did things to get at me....they were actually right!
your life is just starting..enjoy being young, don't commit yourself to someone so young!
...............................
A
male
reader, Dr. Reality Check +, writes (12 October 2008):
 In a way I sympathise - in a way I don't. If you consider yourselves married, good for you. On the other hand, you are both children and both live under your parents roofs - ergo you have to live by their rules. Stop making such a big deal out of things (like telling her mom you exchaged vows was stupid) and your parents might lighten up a bit. The main problem I am seeing is that you are acting immature.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2008): Hi, young man...wow, you have a lot going on in your life. I am happy that you and the young lady feel so strongly about each other. And because I know you care so much for her, I know you want to do what is best for her...and really for yourself. If I were you, I would not run away...that just makes things worse. In reality, both sets of parents love you guys very much and they are afraid that you will ruin your lives.If your love is really that strong, you and your g/f will be able to withstand any distances, any waiting, or any parents' rules. Be a man and a woman, and show them that you can wait to do what is best as a young adult.I waited to have sex with my b/f...oh we wanted to do it sooo badly. But, I was afraid of getting pregnant. And I asked him if he really loved me, could he wait. We played around, but we did not "kick it" until we were both over 18. I now wished that I had waited until my wedding night...but, I did not. But, we did wait until we were older and considered as adults at age 18.Please don't hate your parents. They really do love you, and they are afraid that you will bring a baby into this world and not be able to supply you, your g/f and the baby. If your love is that strong, and I think it is, then try to your hardest to wait until you are a little older.If you can convince your parents that you can be together and not have sex...you have to be strong, then talk to them like an adult...on their level. Running away would be childish...you are a man...stand up to them, tell them you love them, and you love your g/f.For your special anniversary, ask you mom if you can cook a special meal for your girl at your home. Set a nice table, with some candles...some non-alcoholic bubbling grape juice...and some soft music. Yea, your parents will be there...but, you have to show them that you are mature and can be trusted. Trust is hard to gain, and easy to lose.You two have lost the trust of your parents, so you have to work really hard to gain it back. Tell them you love them, and you are willing to try to gain their trust again. They will be sooo amazed, and will learn to know that you are growing up and will be the great young man they have dreamed you will be.Good luck, and God bless all of you!!
...............................
A
male
reader, karlgoo +, writes (12 October 2008):
 Emotions and feelings can take you to your wildest dreams but sometimes those dreams are only dreams and you aren't in reality anymore. I think this situation would be normal if you two didn't think you were married.
...............................
|
