A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am 36 weeks pregnant. My husband left me about 1 1.2 months ago. He says he still loves me, but he said we are different people and I nagged him all the time and that he has been happy since he's been gone and that even if we got back together we would never make it anyway. That we would end up divorced anyway. I filed for divorce b/c he wasn't going to hire an attorney and I have told him I don't want a divorce. I would rather go to counciling and work it out b/c I still love him. I am sad, but when he's gone I can function fairly well and go to work and I am trying to be optomistic about the situation, but every time I see him I end up begging him to come back. How do I get over this?? How do I stop myself from sobbing like a baby and begging him to come home.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2008): hi,my husband left me to i do love him but right now all i do is think about my unborn child i am 33 weeks pregnant right now your pregnant and knows your vulnarable at this point but trust me as soon as you have the baby he will be back here is what you can do in the mean time that will work i usure u stoping calling him,dont awnswer the phone or door when he calls you,if he comes there and you feel the need to beg him that only gives him the power over you but once you stop showing you care he will wonder why and he want like it because the fear that you have found someone else will come to mind be strong resist tempataion when he does come or u see him around pretend as if you dont if he comes over your house let him in dont say hi or anthing go about doing something in the house like cooking watching tv,ironing reading,and the best one ever talking on the phone and laugh a little that will kill him the most trust me been there done that now my husband left me but he left because it was mutual i fell in love with another man and before i met my husband my boyfriend left me pregnant with m,y first and i did all the things i am telling you and to my surprise he came back begging saying please dont start over with someone else i made a mistake in for a month i let him beg and then i gave in so dont show him your hurting show him your happy and let me know how this goeas he will be back i promise you.
A
female
reader, Sega +, writes (13 October 2008):
I can feel your pain. You love him and it is deeply seated. I think we are in the same place. I divorced my husband and thought I could move on. He did, I didn't.
He's with someone else now, so I suffer the pain. We are civic as we have 2 children together and about to have a grandchild in December.
Take care, and I will keep you in my prayers as I pray for both our situations. Only time will heal the pain and hurt, I think.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTHe intelligent part of me knows that getting back with him even if he did want to would be stupid. If he's going to walk out on me when I need him most then I can't depend on him. It's when I see him that I can't seem to control myself. I guess part of it is that I am afraid of what my future will hold. We were together for 7 years married for almost 3 and now this. I have never really dated anyone else but him either. It's like he just doesn't want the responsibilty. He's going to pay child support and alimony, and he says that I was a good woman and that I will find someone someday that is happy with me. He said I acted like his mom (which I don't agree with), but it's just not what I wanted. I have asked him to go to counciling and he refuses. I have good friends and my family and his family. (they are really mad at him for doing this). It's just hard when I see him b/c I still really love him and always have. Part of me wants to just hate him so I won't care anymore, but I would like for us to remain civil since we are going to have a child together. I guess I knew something was wrong b/c he would never feel the baby kick and he would never go to any of my appointments. Looking back I see things that were wrong. I just wish I could make the pain go away faster.
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A
female
reader, Sega +, writes (12 October 2008):
I agree with Irish49, you need to take care of yourself first. You sound like a wonderful person, he does not deserve you.Confide in family and close friends. Continue to see your attorney...because he might turn out to be a dead-beat dad. He also seems a little immmature. Get the law to back you up. Hold your head high. If you want him back, then don't act so desperate. I am learning to find that humans want those they cannot have.Get a good support group and you will be okay. I am praying for you and your child.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2008): I am so sorry for your hurt. And I have some comments that may be hard to hear. And in no way, am I being judgemental but I am appealing to your personal courage here...you will need it to get through this for the sake of your unborn child and begin healing from all this. And remember, we here, are behind you all the way. So bear with me.
Your husband sounds like a stubborn, rather uncommitted man, because I am trying to figure out how a man can leave his pregnant wife, but still claim he loves her? Abandonment isn't love, in my books. It appears to me, that his choice to leave, reflects who he truely is, his identity and it doesn't look like he feels the same way about you as you do for him. Otherwise he'd be there beside you..trying to work this through. Pregnancies means children and that means more committment and obligations to a family. Preparing for this startling huge life change can make the most loving, remarkable couple rather antsy and on edge. Couples all over the place, go through these same difficulties and they pull through the toughest of times. So why is this different? Why would he just throw his hands in the air, and leave? Without talking from his heart, communicating from the depths of his soul to the woman he loves, without trying his best and going into counseling, to find the ways and skills to retaining and keeping his family together? I would guess, he doesn't really understand what that word 'committment', and being a strong father/husband really means. He could get there in the future, but he needs to buck up now and be there for you and this baby.
I want to say to you, that you need to find the strength to accept this and continue on without him, for now. You need to stay focused on your health and make this baby's health and happiness your top priority. When a woman is pregnant she needs to try her best to be stress free, happy and optimistic. Start making some plans to ensure this child is looked after. Get to a lawyer and jsut find out what his legal obligations will be for you and this baby, once the child is born. As you know, he will be connected to you, until this baby reaches adulthood. You need love and support more than ever. Find that in your own family and with trusted friends. And maybe consider getting into some individual counseling to learn the skills to remain strong and keep going on. Ask your doctor about getting into a support group for 'single' mom's and learn how they cope. I truely hope you can get through this--okay.
So...stop begging him to come home. Just tell yourself, that you will stop doing that. You can't make him do anything he's not prepared to do, hun You need to work this through and remain mentally healthy, not sad, blue depressed, for this baby's sake. Try your best and keep us posted. Good luck and take care.
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