A
female
age
36-40,
*ovely_Lexii
writes:So I'm 24 and have been dating a man that is older than me, he is 40. He is the best guy any girl can have we have a really great connection. We have been dating for a little over a year now but we havent made it "official" we don't believe in titles because we know what we have and trust each other and have great respect for one another. Okay I know it all seems perfect but here's the twist umm we haven't had sex yet! I know he has major respect for me and what not but cmon now I'm a woman with needs. We have messed around but it never gets to the point of sexual intercourse. My question is why hasn't he made that final move? Are we getting to familiar with each other that sex would be awkward? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, borntohelp100  +, writes (23 April 2012):
 Well if you love him and he loves you i don't see the problem why you shouldn't ask him but if your not sure that you love him and he hasn't said "i love you" then you should wait. Maybe he's not ready yet or he thinks if he makes a move it will ruin what you have now so give him some time ad if he doesn't react then you make the move!
good luck x
A
female
reader, daniellexxxx +, writes (22 April 2012):
 Hi.. Well I think its time to pop the question up.. There could be loads of reasons why he maybe be holding out.. Virgin not that hard to believe.. Or he may have problems down there.. Or a wife? You have to talk to him to know this question as sex does play a big part in any relationship...
Good luck :) x
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (21 April 2012):
 Some people think ( or at least they pretend to think, because I don't know how much in good faith they can be ) that as long there is no actual intercourse, there's no real relationship, no obligations etc. All the rest is " having fun " or " hanging out " or whatever defintion they can come up with, anyway they choose to think that the lack of penetration keeps things light, casual and uncommitted. That would be consistent with his choice of not having a "label" for your relationship. Maybe he feels that if things become more intimate, then it would be a relationship, while so far it's...a " thing ".
No, it does not sound perfect to me. I'd think that at 40 a man should be a bit more clear about whom and what he wants, or not- including sexually.
Why did you never ask HIM the reason why he does the rest but skips intercourse ? If you are in a good relationship, with or without labels, it should not be a problem discussing together your mutual wants and needs .
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A
male
reader, Glacier  +, writes (20 April 2012):
You should confront him with the direct question why he hasn't made any moves yet. It's not normal he hasn't done that yet. The possible reasons are stated below by others.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (20 April 2012):
 Is he a virgin? As unlikely as *that* sounds, the movie "40-Year Old Virgin" was popular because of just that possibility.
However, the fact that he doesn't want labels, again, makes that unlikely.
Has he introduced you to his family?
Has he introduced you to his friends?
When he speaks about you in public, what does he refer to you AS?
Have you been to his work?
Did you meet online and this is a long-distance thing?
You say that you "trust and respect" one another. What makes you say that? How have you built this trust?
Can you call him 24/7 if you needed to?
Can you spontaneously visit him if you needed to? Yes, I know that it's unlikely, but if there was a situation, would he be readily accessible?
Are there any restrictions whatsoever on the way you can talk or act around him? Does he avoid any places when he's with you? Does he hesitate to go out socially with you or has he steered your time together to only private things?
Are YOU married?
You've dated for a year -- has he mentioned a bad relationship or something that otherwise suggests a massive amount of past baggage?
Are there any subjects in his life that he routinely won't let you know about from his past? After a year, most people know a great deal about each other.
Have you seen the inside of his house or apartment?
Does he hide his phone or computer?
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (20 April 2012):
 If he hasn't made any moves towards sex with you yet, after a year, then he's either incredibly shy, or he's not interested in sex with you. Perhaps he's impotent. Or perhaps he's very small and embarrassed to be seen naked. Or perhaps he is married and doesn't want to cross that line.. at least not yet.
I think it is fishy, and I'm suspicious that there's something going on which you aren't being informed about.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2012): No, it doesn't sound perfect but it does sound like a friendship. It's not normal for a man to date you this long and be able to resist you. A man who is falling in love won't be able to keep his hands off of you this long...it's not a respect thing.
I suspect he's married or getting his needs met elsewhere. His not wanting a title or to make things official at this point is also suspicious. Men do this to maintain the status quo, which in your case, is more dates with no sex and no movement towards a future together.
I think you have a right to ask what his intentions with you are and what he wants for his future. You have dated long enough for him to know what he wants of you so any vague answers is just him thinking he can string you along.
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A
male
reader, doublejack +, writes (20 April 2012):
I'm with YouWish on this one. A 40 year old man has been seeing you for a year and you haven't had sex with him? That's a MAJOR red flag.You say you're a woman and have needs. I totally understand that. The other side of the coin is that unless this guy is a monk or eunuch, he has needs too. So that means for the last year he's been getting his sex from somewhere. What's the story?Is he married or in some type of relationship? Is he a single guy who is juggling a lot of women, and hasn't tried to push things with you for a reason? Maybe he's worried about being judged because you're so much younger.Whatever the case, if you're seeing each other with any type of regularity then there's something amiss. My suggestion is to either push this guy into the friend zone or cut contact with him all together. Either way you should begin the moving on process and start looking for a proper relationship.Best of luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2012): If its not "official" that your dating after a year then your just friends in my view. Hence no sex. If you "have" something then you would be in a physical relationship by now.
UNLESS
a) he is gay
b) he is married and stringing you along
c) he is unable to have sex for medical or religeous reasons
Ask him outright what the reason is, because you naturally want to progress to having sex, anyone would.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (20 April 2012):
Whose idea is it not to make it "official" and all that stuff about titles?? Yours? His?
How often do you see each other? Are there times when you can't see him? Is he long distance?
I need to know more, because usually when I see or hear about what you're describing, a lot of times it means that he's married, and that he's carrying on an emotional affair with you that he hasn't crossed the "ultimate" line yet with.
I also wonder how much time you're spending together, because oftentimes, if a couple is spending a *lot* of time together, it either has gotten sexual after a year, *OR* there's a bonafide reason for not doing so, such as medical or mostly religious reasons (i.e. we're saving sex for marriage). That doesn't exist here, because you're on here talking to us about your desire to become sexual.
I would guess that he's living a double life, to be perfectly honest, especially if he's away from you and you have to get together to see each other on his time frame, or if there are other restrictions to free access to him (i.e. long distance, or he's out of town a lot, or he works long hours and you can only see/talk to him on weekends or whatnot).
A lesser possibility is that he's gay and feels he needs the social standing that a heterosexual relationship brings, but then again, the titles and labels would mean a lot to him if that were true.
The whole "we don't believe in titles"..don't fall for that for a second! A relationship isn't about a title, but when someone ever says "We don't need to label what we have", it means that you're someone to HIDE. If you're into only each other, you'd want to shout GIRLFRIEND or BOYFRIEND from the rooftops. Do you have a position at work? Titles are there for a reason. The only reason one would want to withhold one after a year is because they are unable to give that title away. I would hate for you to realize that your true title all this time has been "mistress".
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A
male
reader, Cozmo +, writes (20 April 2012):
 have you made it clear you are interested sexually? he might feel creepy or something trying it on with you if he thinks you do't want to do that with him.
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