A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey everyone. So I love my boyfriend, we have been dating for almost 2 years and I'm pretty sure I'm gonna marry him when we get out of college and stuff (I'm 18, he's 20). But have any of you ever wanted to just fool around with other people? Just to get it out of your system? I would never ever cheat on my boyfriend, but I feel like I'm young and I should have some time for fun and fancy-free expression, but don't want to say that to him. Cuz I love him. See where I'm coming from? I mean I think "hey maybe we could break up, I can fool around with some guys, we get back together and live happily ever after"... but I know that won't work very well haha. Am I jacked up?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (11 June 2012):
 Again, dear OP if you don’t know then you can’t say you want to marry him… what you can say is I DON’T KNOW!
Being sexually attracted to other guys for a woman in love means you see an attractive man and think “he’s attractive I’d do him” but then that thought flies out of your head as you realize you want to go home to your man and love on him….
Basically as I say to my partner… I don’t care WHERE you get your appetite as long as you eat at home. It’s NORMAL to look at others and even find them attractive… it’s not normal to want to have sex with them to see what you might be missing….
IF there is a lacking in your relationship with your boyfriend (regardless of what’s lacking whether it be sexual, mental or emotional) then there is something lacking in the relationship and it’s not a good idea to settle at your age.
Again, if you don’t know, then you are NOT ready to make a life long commitment unless you want to end up like me and be 52 going into your fourth marriage.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (11 June 2012):
 Well.. personally I never had this problem. I don't find myself tempted by other men when I am in a relationship, because it's not an alternative in my mind to be tempted by them.
If I have opened up for that alternative though, it'd be different. I'm bisexual, and I was going through a period a few years ago where I wanted to try out sex with girls. I met a man however, who fell in love with me. I was attracted to him as well. He wanted me to be his girlfriend, but I told him I can't because I want to fool around with girls now, and try things out with women. But he wanted me so badly that he agreed to me being allowed to have sex with (and make out with) girls, as long as he was the only man I was with.
During my relationship with him I never found another man to be of interest, I wasn't tempted by that. But I was tempted by women, many times too. I made out with some, and I ended up in bed with one, but we didn't really get to have sex, we just made out. So I wasn't going crazy with women even though I was allowed to do as I pleased with them, ironically enough. But, my point is that I found myself tempted by, and sexually attracted to, tons of women during that relationship. Because I had that as an option. Being tempted by other men still wasn't an option though.
And, after that relationship I got into a new one. In that new relationship I didn't have a need to explore other women simultaneously. I kept to my boyfriend and was happy with that. I wasn't tempted in any way like I had in the previous relationship, because it just wasn't an option. My "vision" was adjusted you can say. I put my blindfold on so I couldn't see them in that light, if that makes sense. Sure, I could find women attractive still, and I was up for threesomes if my boyfriend wanted it (he liked the idea, but we never got to it). I didn't miss fooling around with women, I wasn't wishing I could, and I wasn't tempted in that way as I was in the last relationship.
I hope you understand what I mean, I realize this could be a bit confusing and it is difficult to explain. But I think you're allowing yourself to be tempted by other men, and that's why you are. You're not covering your eyes up to that sexual and desirable aspect of other men. It is possible to look at sexually attractive people and NOT be sexually attracted to them. It's about how you've adjusted your binoculars, so to speak.
It could also be that you've opened up your eyes to this side of other men because you instinctively don't want to be with your current boyfriend. You want someone else, and your eyes and body are out on the hunt for a new partner. It's just that your brains need to follow through with what you're body is already doing: moving away from the relationship.
That's just my guess though. I think your body and desires are trying to tell you that you need to find someone else to be with than your current boyfriend. While he is good and great and all.. I think you might just have settled for him, rather than him actually being someone you are truly fulfilled with.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI am pretty darn sure that I want to be with him all my life. I know I'm still young, as was pointed out, so this might be why I feel so flighty. However, I'm sexually attracted to other guys, but don't feel love. I feel lust. I am in love with my boyfriend. I know there is a distinction.
I think there might be something lacking as far as lust goes... he turns me on and is very attractive and desireable. AH I JUST DON"T know...
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A
male
reader, boogie4 +, writes (21 April 2012):
honesty is best.
Tell him you need time to think things through on your own. You're still VERY young!
You have your whole life to be with him (IF you decide he's the one.) My opinion, I would let him know you love him but that you need some time for yourself.
This sounds cliche I know, but if after say a year or two goes by and you still have the same feelings for him (after you'd tested the waters) then you can think about marriage, etc.
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (21 April 2012):
You'll figure it out.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all the helpful responses. I kinda relate my situation to that one movie "Hall Pass". I'm just so conflicted because I am deeply in love with him... and this desire to mess around and have fun has only really been on my mind for a few months. And I know FWB gets complicated at what not for sure, so I might be digging my own grave if I do break up just to have some single fun. AH!! Idk. This is a tuffy.
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A
female
reader, JennyMsc23 +, writes (20 April 2012):
To be honest, i feel the exact same way. Ive been with my bf for three years now, about to be four. I love him dearly and i dont see my future without him. I will be 100% honest with you though..i do have someone on the side that i do see but not often. Probably like once a month. I am not saying that my bf doesnt satisfy me sexually because he most deff does, for some reason i need more. The guy that i am seeing on the side he has been my friend for a very long time now. It is just strictly sex with us though. I think that if you found someone who wont develop feelings for you, you should be fine. But if your the type of person to feel guilt then i dont recommend you doing so.
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (20 April 2012):
It depends.. is this a sudden urge you've just got since you see other people doing it, or because you are in a certain mood lately? Or is this a constant feeling that's been there for the last months and isn't likely to go away?
Wait and see which one it is. If this feeling does not go away then take it as a sign that you aren't really supposed to be with your man. He might be great and all, but you're not ready for the sort of serious relationship that you have at your age. You want to go out and have your fun. Which is understandable, and I encourage you to rather have your fun NOW, than stick to the relationship, get married with kids, and THEN break free to have your fun. Because later this wont be possible, nor advisable, and LATER your boyfriend will surely hurt more than if you end things now. Not to mention whatever kids you might have had with him, or whatever living situation you might be in which will be difficult to get out of.
Better to break free and have your fun now than later!
But this could also be a passing moment. You've been together for a good while. You're young, and you see other people around you constantly who are free and single. You're influenced by things you hear and see, and maybe also think the grass looks greener on the other side, for now at least. If so, then this feeling will fade away and you can get back to enjoying your relationship.
If you end up breaking it off with him don't say anything to him about wanting to fool around with other guys. Tell him that you are young, and you feel that your relationship with him is becoming too serious for you, because you are headed towards marriage etc. And that you don't feel ready to be where you are with him, and that you want to break things off so you can grow on your own. Then, if fate wants it, you'll find your way back together.
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A
male
reader, Daniel the love doctor +, writes (20 April 2012):
 You're not "Jacked up". It's perfectly normal for you to feel this way... especially since you're still very young. In a care-free perfect world, it would be great if you could mess around with other people then eventually live happily ever after with the one you want to marry. But there are too many things to consider like...
1. You may decide that you're just having too good of a time single- and want to put off of that whole relationship thing (primarily because you feel that you're too young to settle down right now).
2. You may catch feelings for another guy- thus complicating things... and put each person in a difficult spot emotionally.
3. During that time apart, his feelings for a relationship with you may change. He may feel he's still young, and don't want to settle down just yet. Or he may discover interest in other girls.
But you apparently have something special going on. Something you should cherish, hold on to, and make great. And that's your relationship. There are many people of all ages that are looking for their special person. Do you really want to throw it away by messing around with other guys?
And just because you're in a relationship (or married), it doesn't equal a death sentence. There are many fun things you can do to keep your relationship/sex life exciting. Just be creative, come up with a list of things you would like to do together- and work on making your relationship fun, exciting, spontaneous, and long-lasting.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (20 April 2012):
 Then be SINGLE, honey.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (20 April 2012):
Honey if you want to "fool around with other people" "just to get it out of your system" you should NOT be thinking of marriage with this man....
you are very young... you started dating when you were not yet even an adult (16 is young even if you don't think so now) and it's highly likely that what you want at 18 or 20 is not going to be what you want at 30.
If you are thinking about things you might have missed you may want to consider that breaking up while hard to do is going to be the inevitable result of your desire to experience the world
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A
male
reader, Cozmo  +, writes (20 April 2012):
 It is a balance between your feelings for him and your want to go and fool and or sleep about. The second is fun, but if you feel you truly have found your man, don't ruin it.
Not to be a negative Nancy too much, but a lot of young relationships nowadays don't last like they used to, so maybe you will have an opportunity to have single fun in a few years...
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