A
female
age
36-40,
*uperconfused88
writes:I don't know if my bf and I are working anymore. Our long-distance relationship has drug on for a year and a half now and we've broken up more times than I can count. He loves me so much and he treats me so well. He always says he doesn't think he can go on without me and he doesn't see a future with anyone but me. He is sweet and romantic and everything you'd think a girl would want. However, he can be jealous and petty and get upset very easily and definitely has his possessive tendancies. I am tired of our fights, but I always chalked it up to the long-distance and moved on.But my feelings towards him are confusing. I get along with him very well. We have similar tastes and interests. We have an amazing time whenever we're together and I am always so incredibly happy. We're always laughing and enjoying our time together, tickling and playing or cuddling or talking. Our sex life is better than I could've ever dreamed of, on top of all that. But now it's been months since I've seen him and I'm having a hard time picturing him as "the one." I don't know if I love him like I thought I did.When I married my ex-husband, I loved him very much, and although he was not an attractive man by any means, I found no flaws with him, because of how much I loved him. But with my boyfriend, I feel like his flaws stand out to me, physically and emotionally and mentally. How can someone think that way about "the one?"I am just so confused. I don't know if I'll ever find someone else that treats me as good as he does or that I enjoy spending time with as much, or someone I have as much fun with or as good of a sex life with. At the same time, I can't stand that I notice his flaws so much. And I want to feel that deep, passionate, head-over-heels, I'd-do-anything-for-you kind of true love. Does that even exist outside the movies?Well, sorry if this got too lenghty. Thank you for reading. Any advice is appreciated.
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jealous, my ex, sex life Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2009): I agree with the poster underneath, stick it out its well worth it in the end! I was in a long distance relationship for 2 years!!!! and i had the exact same doubts and feelings you had... untill when that distance was over when i moved to his city... since then we are happily married. I assure you.. if you did not truely love him.. then you would not bother with going through the pain of not seing eachother.. but think about when u do see eachother.. isnt it the most perfect intense beutiful feeling in the world?goodluck and follow your heart...
A
male
reader, UncleEd  +, writes (26 March 2009):
You are clearly going through a difficult time. This is not helped by the distance issue. It is hard and costly to keep a relationship going when he is not there all the time. You mentioned your ex. It is usual to compare your new bf with your ex. It is not that your ex was perfect, just that he is probably a reliable yardstick against which you measure your new man.
In many ways you get on with your new bf, otherwise you wouldn't keep up the huge effort in getting together (it can be exciting, can't it! The long flight, the expectation of seeing each other, having fun together.). Still, you are having nagging doubts about him. Trust yourself. You don't have to decide just now if these doubts are a dealbreaker. Talk to your boyfriend about what annoys you. Give it more time. Or grab a piece of paper and write down the pluses and minuses of the relationship. Don't rush to commit or leave: your experiences with your ex may still be having a powerful influence over your emotions. Decide what you want in your own good time. Good luck!
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A
female
reader, superconfused88 +, writes (26 March 2009):
superconfused88 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI never said I wanted to be with someone without flaws. And who is talking about marriage here??? Not me. All I said was that my bf's flaws stand out to me and bother me, whereas my ex-husband's didn't. I was making a comparison.
Cian, thank you for your answer.
Guppypig, thanks for nothin.
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A
male
reader, guppypig  +, writes (26 March 2009):
Obviously you are so special that you don't deserve to marry a mere human being with flaws and foibles. No, you deserve that fantasy prince in your head.
Decide whether you can accept your boyfriend's faults or whether his jealousy is a dealbreaker. Either way, stop stringing the poor fellow along. If you're not serious, at least save each other the airfare.
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A
male
reader, cian +, writes (26 March 2009):
 Hey superconfused88,
Let me first say, that Jealousy is the highest form of flattery. He is jealous because he loves you; and he is possessive, because he doesn't want to lose you.
However, I wouldn't marry him quite yet - and it sounds like you both question that level of relationship.
In the past, it also sounds like you have also rushed into marriage. Take it a bit slower.
Figure out what kind of things you both want.
Figure out if your life-paths are still have overlapping and compatable.
Until you find the deeper feelings that you want, I would say too, that perhaps he isnt the one - yet.
Id say, you wont know if he is the one until you at least live together for a while, and try to see if it would work on that level.
There is a many steps left to climb on your ladder.
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