A
female
age
30-35,
*uise_c
writes:Hi everyone!I thought it might be a good idea to hear some impartial opinions on an issue I have been dealing with in my relationship. So my boyfriend and I are both Christian, though I only decided to be baptized when i was 14 while he was baptized soon after his brith. When we fist met I knew he was doing work at his local church and didn't think much of it. After all it is his free time so who am I to judge? But when getting to know is family better after a while I realized that it was his family who got him involved in their church in the first place. His siblings and parents are very active in their parish and got him involved at a very young age- too young in my opinion. Therefore a lot of his social contacts are rooted there. Now while is certainly is very parents individual decision, it is my firm belief that there is still a way to be practicing your own religion without involving your child in work at your local church. He himself admits that in the beginning his involvement wasn't voluntarily. And yet he is still working with children under the age of 15 or so at his parish. I personally fundamentally oppose influencing children of such a young age in favor of a particular religion. To me it is a matter so grave that there needs to be a certain maturity in order to make a well founded decision for oneself. I understand that there must be different opinions on this. I am just not sure I can have a relationship with someone I so fundamentally disagree with. Especially in regards to having our own children someday. Also I can not share his interest in his "hobby", which understandably is important to him. Am I blowing this out of proportion? I don't know how to deal with this situation.(if you find some mistakes, please not that english is not my first language :) )
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (21 December 2016):
 I think most children when they are born they are to follow there parents religion. Now that is not my opinion just an observation. You seem to have a very strong opinion on this matter, which leads me to think that you and your partner will never agree when it comes to marriage and children.
Me personally I was baptized a Christian, however that did not stop me from making up my own mind when I became an adult. So for me it did not matter. I was not part off a cult and well it did not mean that I could not change as I learnt about the world and different societies and religions. Personally I think you feel to strongly about this to meet him in the middle.
A
female
reader, Caring Aunty A  +, writes (20 December 2016):
 In practice, a Christening at birth is a blessing for parents to publicly bring their child before the congregation of God’s people to commit themselves to raising their child in accordance with God’s will. Parents dedicate to raise their child in a Christian home etc.
The practice of Baptism – full immersion in water is for any person (a believer) who has accepted Christ, regardless of age. Baptism is a symbol that the old you is dead and buried with Christ, then raised again in newness of life, hence you are Born Again. Here a person understands what Baptism is and means, and believes, and can, on their own, COMMIT to it, they do the study and ceremony.
Both practices are accepted and a requirement to be obedient to the Lord by following Him…
Now to answer your question… You say at 14 you were Baptised which means you were conscious to commit to a life of Christ’s obedience and teachings? Yet here you are at 26-29 perhaps not understanding the active duties and responsibilities as Christians we need to do and take part in the community to fulfill this commitment which includes bringing up our children accordingly?
What say you alternatively “force” not to bring up your child as your boyfriends parents did with him and let your child decide later for themselves, after they’ve go into the world experiment with possible drugs, drinking, teen sex etc? Wouldn’t this be derelict of your Christian parental duties?
YES I believe you are blowing this out of proportion and I suggest a little less nit picking of your boyfriends good merits, for as you say; who are you to judge and oppose especially what God has ordained!?
I agree there are different opinions on this; yet there is only one higher opinion that only matters and it’s not ours but HIS word will be done… :)
Take Care - CAA
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A
female
reader, luise_c +, writes (19 December 2016):
luise_c is verified as being by the original poster of the questionFirst of all thank you for your answers. I agree that this issue probably comes down to control and his family. I would not mind my kids participating the cultural aspects since religion is woven into society and frankly there is not much one could do about that either. I just don't condone denying children the opportunity to be educated on other religions as well before they make such an impactful decision for themselves. I understand that all forms of education come down to influencing your child in a way you deem beneficial to them and society and I respect that. I just can help to think that ones religion is a matter too personal for anyone else to make a decision about but oneself.
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A
female
reader, Nittynora  +, writes (19 December 2016):
 I can really see your point here, but I think its what your boyfriend is used to and what he has grown up with. I think it depends on what the children are being taught, and whether or not the teachings frighten them or are harmful. I believe church should be fun for children. I am a Roman Catholic and w have a "sunday school" do you know what we don't expect kids to sit in church and listen to boring sermons and stuff they don't understand. We send them out and they do paintings make things to do with the theme of the homily etc and they come back in and our priest praises each and every kid and put the paintings up on the walls etc. Same as Christmas each child and gets a gift, We make it fun. Its when what they are teaching TAKES AWAY what they want to do. By forcing a child into going to church you are actually putting them off. Find out if its fun and the kids enjoy it then make your decision x
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (19 December 2016):
 Religion can be so many things, and for some people, like you, it is a personal matter than one keeps to one self. But to your boyfriend, it is more than just a personal belief, it is a way of life. It is his culture. It is how family life is run, it is how the community is run, it is how you raise children etc. It's a part of his upbringing and a part of his culture.
You can say, sure, children should not be put through religious training and should be allowed to form their own opinion. That is what communists believe as well, and as far as I know it is forbidden in China to teach a child about religion until they are 18 years old. And in the Soviet Union religion was banned altogether and Bibles and churches were burned.
But there is a prize to be paid when separating religion and culture also. You could not celebrate Christmas with your children then. Or Easter. Or any of the religious holidays. You could not sing the popular and familiar carols with them. There are many names and expressions in your language that come from religion, would you avoid using these terms and these names?
My point is that you can not remove yourself from your culture. Nor do I think it is fair to remove your children from their culture, and by doing this you would be forcing something on them as well. There is no such thing as a neutral upbringing. You'd be forcing upon them an atheistic upbringing, which is ALSO a way of life and a way of belief. It is no better or worse than what your boyfriend does.
Your boyfriend teaches these children what he believes in. You also teach children things in school, and take history for example. Teachers inly teach some given history, not all, and that also colours the childrens view of the world.
In your case I think you should open your mind up a bit and consider whether or not what your boyfriend does is actually harmful to the children, or not. Forcing a child if they don't want to go, I am opposed to that as well. But teaching your child (when thinking of your hypothetical children) about your own culture, showing them how you were brought up, and teaching them about what you believe in, sounds very natural to me. It sounds like a good and meaningful thing.
Then, if the child decides they do not agree or do not want to participate, you can respect that. But taking away their opportunity to choose is just the same as forcing a child to choose.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (19 December 2016):
 I don't like people forcing their religion on their children, either; I think all children should have a choice.
You don't have a future with this guy because he needs someone who believes and does the same as him. Likewise for you.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (19 December 2016):
 As someone who had a strict religious upbringing (including "forced" - if that is the word you choose - baptism, holy communion, confirmation, etc), I have to admit that now, as an adult, I find myself very cynical about the whole religion thing. I do not believe that any God, if he does exist, demands regular attendance in a certain place as affirmation of our love for him. I think that is purely a man-made "jobs for the boys" fabrication. It is in the interest of "the firm" to indoctrinate children (via church, school, family life) to stay in the religion.
Religious beliefs are important to certain individuals and I think you do need to bottom this out before thinking about a long term relationship, especially as you are already questioning his blind loyalty to his religion.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (19 December 2016):
 I do not know of a single religious group that does not in some way force children to adopt the parent's religion. It may be overt, as in baptizing the child since birth and then getting him to participate in church, or not, as when churches say you have to be old enough to baptize, yet you attend every religious meeting of theirs.
It seems to me you are not a believer of the same religion as your boyfriend.
I believe that religion is only superficially related to your problem. The true problem is one of control. His family takes him in one direction and you wish he went in another.
I agree with you as to doubting whether you can actually have a relationship with him. Religious differences have led to religious wars. I don't think this will become a war, but it would certainly be very difficult for both parties, and for any children you could have, who would be torn between two religions.
But only you can say whether you would live with this or not.
Good luck.
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A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (19 December 2016):
My Dear...Remember this... Luke 3:23..."When Jesus began his work, he was about thirty years old."
So if the son of GOD started that late....No one should try any sooner.
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