A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've completely lost the plot with my boyfriend but I'm not sure if I overreacted. I'm trying really hard to think of things from his point of view but it's difficult.My friend's daughter commented on one of my photos on Instagram that her uncle fancied me, shes only 8 and I'm not sure how she knew he did. He's ten years younger and he had a crush on me years ago but I'd never like him in that way.Well my boyfriend saw this photo and will not stop bringing it up. This has been going on since July and he's now starting to tell me that her uncle is secretly using the account to like my photos and comment on things.I've told him Ive never fancied this man or ever would but he just won't listen to me. He's gotten angry about him fancying me, he's started downloading his photos and sending them to me saying things like his head is full of puss, that I'm not picky, that he's scummy. I had a job interview on Friday and he text me to say good luck but then started talking about this. Ive absolutely gone to town on him and I'm really angry that he would start bringing up this on my way to an interview.He didn't swear at me or sound angry but he somehow knew I posted an Instagram photo at 8 the night before and by 12 I'd deleted it because it wasn't all that great quality. He thought I was hiding something by deleting it. It's as though he knows exactly when I do anything on there and is constantly monitoring whatever I do on the internet.I give my boyfriend the freedom to talk to anybody he wants to, I don't keep checking his account. I know that some girls on his accounts fancy him but I'm secure. But because I went nuts calling him a weirdo and a control freak he thinks I'm abusive. I think he was being a bit passive aggressive in the way he brought it up and doesn't see it was wrong doing it when I was on my way to an interview.Ever since July he's shown me less affection, we hardly ever have sex and it's like he's punishing me for other people fancying me. How can I get him to see how much this is getting me down without flipping out?
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (21 December 2016):
 I am glad that you ended things with him, I was also very shocked when you said he was 40 and not 15. He needs to grow up and learn that he cannot treat women in that way. It is disgusting. He is insecure and paranoid and am glad you have ended it.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2016): Thanks for the responses, I've taken your advice and ended things, I can't deal with his behaviour anymore.
He is 40 years old and I find it quite strange that something like this upsets him so much. If anything truly bad were to happen I wonder how he would cope.
He's starting to isolate me from everyone, I've known this little girl's mother for nearly 20 years and because of all of this he's starting to say nasty things about her and trying to stop me from bothering with her.
Instagram is the only social media account I have and I enjoy posting photos of scenery where I live and because of his jealousy I was considering getting rid of it. But why should I when I've not done anything wrong!
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A
female
reader, Nittynora +, writes (20 December 2016):
 Oh for goodness sake GET RID OF HIM. he calls you abusive? He is abusive he is controlling you and trying to isolate you. I know EXACTLY how you feel, I am on facebook and my husband practically drives me mad about it, remarking about all my 500 friends and who I was talking too. He was telling me that all his family are watching me and reporting back to him. I nearly deleted my account but NO I deleted them instead. And I have lied to them all and told them I have deleted my account that's wrong to lie. But I don't want that to happen to you that you have to creep about in your own life and then lie and hide, Your story makes me feel so angry for you, please don't put up with this. he is obsessive and it will get worse it really will. You will end up deleting your account and then he will obsess about something else and then you will take that or friends out of your life, don't let it happen. I agree with aunty Bim Bim your friends 8 year old has highlighted this about this boke, yes run as fast as you can away from him x
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (19 December 2016):
 Break up with him, this is absolutely ridiculous. And no, you can't make him stop, you have tried for 6 months already and he's only escalating. My guess is also that this isn't about this guy liking you, this is about your boyfriend being a controlling and insecure man who would use any opportunity to pull you down through the shit in order for him to feel better about himself.
I'd call him and say "Honey, this is ridiculous, and Im tired of hearing about it. Good bye"
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (19 December 2016):
 *You really should leave him; if nothing else, he's incredibly immature and rude.
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A
female
reader, blueskyday  +, writes (19 December 2016):
I think you know the answer. You didn't overreact and if you're looking for reassurance then that's fine. But, I think you also know that you don't deserve to be treated like this. Just because you give him freedom doesn't mean that he owes you any in return. I know that sounds weird but hear me out. In any relationship, it's normal to conclude that you put in what you hope to get out. In this case, you gave him 'freedom' hoping that he would also give you 'freedom'. In a way, that line of thinking is selfish. You put into a relationship all you have because that's what makes you happy. Making that person happy should make it worthwhile. Otherwise, there's this weird sense of obligation to one another. Would you be okay if he ONLY celebrated your anniversaries because he knew you'd let him go to every sporting game that year? It's the mentality of 'I'll do this for you so you have to do this for me'. All I'm trying to say is that it doesn't seem that he's concerned for your happiness to the point where he's willing to give up his own. On the other hand, I feel like you already are giving up your happiness for his. You need to find someone who actually is willing to make you happy. And, if you're thinking that he'll change the moment he says I love you or puts a ring on your finger, you're wrong. Love isn't something that is decided by words, it's a series of actions and if he's not showing that now, he won't in the future. I hope the very best for you.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (19 December 2016):
 He's been going on about someone else liking you for 6 months?
How old is he? Sounds like he's about 12 years old with the way he's acting. Like you said, how can you help who finds you attractive?
I'm surprised you've put up with it for so long tbh and what the hell was he playing at bringing it up before a job interview?
Your bf sounds like a dick.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (19 December 2016):
 So glad Honeypie introduced the term 'twatwaffle" into this thread, it sounds much better than what I wanted to call him.
Your boyfriend is, as you have already called him, a weirdo and a control freak. And yes, he attempted to sabotage your job interview, what sort of loving, respectful gesture would your twatwaddle call that?
Be thankful your friend's 8yo commented as she did, because it has shown you just what sort of man you are involved with. Now that you are aware he is an abusive, controlling weirdo you can decide whether to run or stay ... personally I advocate running!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (19 December 2016):
 So why are you with this guy?
He isn't teasing you for the fun of it, he is doing it to make you uncomfortable.
WHO cares if some "uncle" of a kid likes your photo? IF he can't get over that maybe he needs to take some time and GROW the HAY up.
On the other hand, I don't get how SO many people today have all these social media issues they bring into their relationship. I just don't. 99% of what's on these places are fake or only show a FRACTION of reality.
Sounds like your BF is pretty insecure.
If you want to continue to date him, STOP letting him get a raise out of you.
He tried to SABOTAGE your job interview, what kind of twatwaffle does that to his GF?
Good grief.
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