A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My bf and I live in a small town, so there is only one cinema, one shopping cnetre etc. Now his ex also lives in the same small town (whereas I am from another city). Because him and his ex used to go to the cinema, shopping centre, coffee shops etc, he wont go with me now. He says that when they broke up, he stopped going to the same places that they visited together. This would be ok, only the problem is that we CANT do anything EVER. We have to stick to small corner shops (And pay extra) because he doesnt want to go to the supermakrt, we forget about the cinema on a fraiday (she might be there) we cant go shopping after 1pm (she might be there) so to buy things we get up extra early for a 9am opening and then have to rush back. Life just sucks. I cant just stroll around with my bf and just look around the shops or anything. They have been broken up for ten years and me and him have been together for four years. Why is he like this? Why makes him avoid all these places?
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female
reader, RedAthena  +, writes (12 August 2011):
 I am suprised you put up with it for this long.
He is living (barely living!) in this self-imposed imprisionment and he expects you to suffer with him.
If it has not changed by now it is not going to.
If he can not make some sort of concessions to what YOU would like to do, or find new places to go outside of your town..then you are going to be stuck in that mess with little hope of more.
A
female
reader, cheers  +, writes (12 August 2011):
 ridiculous person. He's low esteem& totally AFRAID to FACE the reality. I suggest you talk to him to LET GO the past.Carry on the routine as normal. Tell that you don't like the way he is behaving at the present. His behaviours make you feel sad also.
If he can change & wake up,that's really good news. If not,you've to mentally prepare.Can you tolerate it longer? Is this what you want in you life? It's crucial decisions
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2011): Hello Dear,
I am a guy in a relationship, but divorce. I will never to that to my GF.
I believe your ex still has feeling for his Ex. I am not saying that he still love her. I only saying he misses her. Cannot move on.
This is not fear for you.
I will sit down, ask him to be in your situation and try to find a solution to his proble.
If he does not want to change, i believe it is time for you to move on.
Please let us know what you are doing and if your BF did the right thing.
Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2011): Ex girlfriends are just the past, that's why they can't make it to the future. If he was over his ex already, he would not act like that. If not, then I think he is absolutely ridiculous!
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (12 August 2011):
 They have been broken up for TEN years and he still behaves like this?! And you've actually put up with this childishness for four years?? Why?
Your BF is clearly lousy at handling situations. Let me venture a wild guess. He's always lived in that same small town and never moved out, right? He's so wrapped up in the past, he's unable to differentiate it from his present. He's still the same guy he was ten years ago, on the day he broke up with his ex. He hasn't moved even a millimeter from there. And you are literally living on the terms of his ex! This is bizarre! You need to ask him to snap out of this madness because its ridiculous! How does it even matter if she's in the same place as him? Why is he scared of running into her? If his paranoia continues, he might just lock himself at home one fine day and refuse to come out, because she's near his house!
You need to stop supporting him in this. More than helping him, its actually damaging. Its a pity this has continued for 4 years. If he cannot deal with this, then you need to walk out. Its gone far enough as it is.
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A
female
reader, sammy1986 +, writes (12 August 2011):
i would talk to him you can,t carry on like this
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A
male
reader, Ronnie70 +, writes (12 August 2011):
 It could be that he's using this as an excuse for something else. Have you considered that he may suffer from agoraphobia or some other phobia about being around other people?
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A
female
reader, lerato29  +, writes (12 August 2011):
 he is so selfish how can he do that,he used to have sex with his ex so why not tell him to stop having it with you.you cant put your life on hold for him tel himm how does this make you feel you cant really live like this,he must also consider your feelings
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (12 August 2011):
 Oh my god, your boyfriend needs to snap into reality. Take of the silken gloves and give him a piece of the real world. Lay it down, just how it is: he's being childish. If he wants a relationship with YOU and not his EX, he needs to stop labeling every bit of land as her land, and go on about his business. It's like he's afraid to soil the ground he walked on with her, which makes me wonder if he wants her back and doesn't want her to see you and him together because he's trying to get back with her.Which is a horrid thought. So, if your boyfriend is serious about you and him, he needs to snap out of this ridiculous idea, because it is ruining your relationship. Your boyfriend is letting the EX control everything you do! It isn't ok! If he can't act normal and like an adult in this matter I am afraid you have no future with him.
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A
female
reader, hannah76 +, writes (12 August 2011):
 Oh dear! I shall repeat so I'm not misreading it..."TEN years?" This is a very restricted relationship and certainly isn't fun for you. After ten years he now has conditioned himself to not use the Town.
So, if you move to another place then surely this would help?
You cannot go on like this because the relationship is no longer relaxed or has ever been free from the ex. For the sake of the future you need to either, a) move area or b)leave the relationship. I doubt you could get him to go to these shops and amenities because he has done it for too long.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2011): He is like this because his way of thought hasn't been challenged. You are letting him be like this. The second he made such a ridiculous and unfair standard about where you can and can't go on account of his ex you should have been vocal about the shock of how ludicrous this request is and avoided him till he realised it himself.
Nothing is going to change unless you put your foot down. I wouldn't yell or scream or whine. More than enough time has passed with you accepting this unfair set up, so yelling and screaming will only confuse him. Start going to these places on your own. And start weaning off of him. He is not treating you with respect.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2011): He is letting his past rule his present. Living half a life in a way. There is no reason why he can't go to any of these public places with you, even if he bumps into his ex. At some point he has to or what sort of life is it for him or you. I'd talk to him about this in respect that he'll lose you too if you can not lead a normal life. Don't be unhappy because of someone else's problems. If he can't see this is as a big issue I'd consider finishing with him.
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