A
male
age
41-50,
*oul83
writes:I haven't posted to this website for some time. But I feel it's time to write back and thank all those who helped me in the past. Your advice allowed me to make the right decisions and see clearly. And to also provide a safe outlet for expressing my concerns without involving my loved ones/family.I ended up marrying my fiancee in May. We were very happy for a while. But she is slowly sliding back into the abusive behaviour and starting to lose respect for me. We have only 10 weeks to go before we settle in Australia. 6 weeks after that we will marry legally. The marriage here in China was for her family to see but we couldn't make it legal because it would have interfered with our Aussie visa.I've had to cut of one friend that was making bets behind my back about how soon my partner would dump me and move on to a better man. I was very upset with that. Well, I'm here today because I'm having some last-minute doubts. Let me share the story. I apologise that it's so long. I've included a commentary from another site that was trying to help me out. I think this site has more mature and informed readers. So here goes...The wife took off with my bankcard today. I feel I can't trust her. She is laying claim to the money because she wants me to pay for everything which I had been doing. Up until then, she let me take control of it. But as soon as she checked statements and saw me spending money, she wanted to get the card back. I put my foot down and said no way because I want to take control of my own finances. And so what if I want to treat myself to the movies or some bbq snacks etc. I'm still saving a lot for our future.She doesn't spend much of her money and just stays at home and works all the time. No time to enjoy herself aside from a simple meal outside with her friends. I ask her to join me but she says no and wants to save the money so our tie is spent at home. -- I UNDERSTAND HER CONCERN ABOUT PAYING FOR THE WEDDING AND WANTING TO GET SETTLED IN AUSTRALIA.Anyway I'm furious because she ran off with the card on her next overseas trip. She was being a b**** to me for no reason! She took our spare cash too so if I run into any emergencies, I have nothing to use! Here in China if you get sick, you need to pay upfront before they look at you. Her mother in-law is in the same boat - living with us but has little savings.Last night she was carrying on like she had little interest in me with nasty words. Then after she 'was comfortable' she started acting all nice and hugging up to me. She couldn't sleep all night and was annoyed that I kept falling back to sleep - I was exhausted. She is away so much that when we see each other now, it doesn't feel the same. This morning she was running late so she just completely ignored me. I called out to her and she just kept on going. I called her (my mistake I know, I should have let her go), and she snapped that she was late and didn't have time for me. She rang back 10 mins later and said that she was in the taxi and that she loved me and to leave her alone to rest.Now, I don't understand beecause she makes out like I'm a lovesick puppy dog chasing after her - complete bs given that we don't have much communication with her away working all the time.I think part of the problem is asking her for starters. The other part is caring too much. So I was thinking about taking a harder approach and just not interacting with her for a while until she completely warms up to me. I used to get upset and show it when she said things like idiot. I tried the approach of leaving, showing my anger, talking about it afterwards (about acceptable behaviour) and even trying to stop her in the act. None of that has worked.So I need a hardline approach to show her she cannot mess with me anymore. This is completely opposite of my personality as I'm generally very caring and look for a balanced, happy and close relationship. Here it feels like she has lost respect for me. So the big question is how to gain back that respect? How far should I take the idea of using a hardline method and let her know that she cannot just say nasty things to me and treat me so coldly?I thought about taking a break from her but at least we get plenty of time away already. I started to think that maybe all that time away and exposure to other foreigners had changed her a lot and made her change her mind on wanting to be intimate with me.So how to get all that back if I don't want to leave her?A quick note: her idea of showing affection is through kissing my eyes and she gets offended if I tell her to stop making baby noises at me. She talks about wanting to travel with me etc.Additional DetailsI like some of your suggestions but there is one small problem. In the past I used to make myself look good to women. But the jealousy just drove her crazy. It started to tear us apart and she threatened to cheat on me many times and even called up a guy. This was in response to me wanting to have a few female friends that I liked to chat to - they all knew I was engaged and we were just friends.I began to reliase that it's unhealthy to do that. It shows disrespect towards your partner so I stopped it. Perhaps another idea is to just go out for a while - get dressed and head out no matter what the time is. Stay out for a few hours.Yep the art of seduction sounds like a good idea but if she isn't responding what do I do? Yes I'm going to try out the more agressive approach. I recall one time trying to do that and she was repulsed and couldn't understand why I was changing. So I pretty much kept on trying to be myself and spice things up in the way that we used to enjoy. Well, that enjoyment is now gone.She used to deep kiss me, now she says she cannot. I tried to hug her in the shower and should have just done it instead of letting her say no. See what happens. But I did a lot of thinking and agree that when she starts to act up, I need to be tough and stop. She can't call the shots. Otherwise all she has is a puppet that she can pull the strings to.Yes the art of seduction involves being unpredictable. I'm not good with words but I'm sure I can find out mor about being unpredictable. Another problem stands in the way: we only see each other for 2 days each week. The other 5 days she's away overseas. Which is why I think she may have seen some strong foreign guys out there and changed her mind on her softer husband :-/ She knew from the beginning that she is my first gf (and now wife). I'm learning as I go. Trying to be more interesting all the time. But it takes commitment from her too - which she doesnt provide anymore. It's like the time apart has changed her and turned her into a hateful woman.Financially it's not possible for me to go and meet her overseas. A surprise visit would cost a lot of money and we only have 2 months to go before we will be back in Australia to settle. If I waste that kind of money, I wouldn't blame her for wanting to leave me or at least exploding in anger.I'm left to wonder if it's worth trying a few more things or not. I'm just going to leave her alone for a while and just see how she goes. That might work too. Spend some time distant to her and she might come running to me. But I will listen to your first point and not let her 'coo' at me.The comment:If you live in china that means women are very scarce and she could get with any man she wants so the playing field is leveled towards her. Now what that said you need to introduce the art of seduction into your life to get back your wife. Now you need to show her you have balls:1) the next time you have sex with her tie her up and blind fold her. if she refuses tell her you won't give her anything or accept anything from her no sex and definitely no kisses on the eyes from her show her no emotion when she coos at you like your a baby.2) get a bank account without her knowledge and for every dollar you put in you'll account but half in the account for yourself. She gets to be queen by holding the shared bank account but you get to be king with a secret one.3) Show up one day at her hotel when she travels overseas for work. secretly find out where she will be staying without her knowledge. Like for instance once she leaves for the airport and calls you and tell you she has arrived. Call her co-worker or boss's secretary or better yet the person she hates the most at her job.ask them to tell you where she is staying so you can deliver something overnight that is very important she left at home. She maybe surprised when you get there.The KEY TO THIS STEP IS TOTAL SECRECY if she finds out your coming it will ruin everything.4) When she starts acting up put your clothes on and go to the bar this would drive her crazy cause now she will think your looking for other women.Sometimes women need to think that they man is a good catch for someone else too. Now don't have sex with someone else but a little flirting may go along way.You don't want her cutting off you thingee for cheating do you?5)last but not least a little drama every now and then keeps the marriage spicy. Because if she wasn't a B***H you would not stay with her ,she would be too boring for you.Source(s):My life was a CHINESE WIFE once.Now after i have cooled down, I am starting to feel like an a**hole for sending her a message of anger about not leaving the spare money at home in case of emergencies. The hurt from last night and her cold behaviour this morning made my very unhappy and i released it when I shouldn't have. I'm hoping that after 5 days things will cool down.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (9 September 2011):
 I am confused about what the real issue is. I think God put you two together to work on self esteem issues. She is a challenge for you to stand up to your real self. Ask her what she likes about you because if she is still with you obviously you still have value in her life. Do the same for her and tell her what you like about her. You should have started the habit of telling her to stop yelling right from the beginning and not wait until years later. If you want to have fun then you have to define what's not fun, then figure what's fun, then suggest these are the things you want to do with her. You argue too much and you forget what you really want to do with each other.
A
male
reader, soul83 +, writes (9 September 2011):
soul83 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThankyou for all the support :) Lately things have been really good between us. Save for the fact that she was putting me down and making me feel depressed with the parting shots about how I'm not cool enough, I'm not smart enough, I am too skinny etc. Later she'll say that it's nothing to worry about and she's over it.
I don't have a thick skin. That's just too bad for me I guess. I love her a lot but unfortunately I have to suffer as well. It seems I keep making the same mistakes over and over. I say stupid things that I don't mean and upset her sometimes.
She is extremely sensitive and thinks that I am trying to cheat her behind her back! Which I am absolutely not doing.
I want to relax and have fun. How can I do that? I'm tired of constantly being in the fix it mode. I'm tired of constantly having to listen to her putting me down. I'm tired of complaining. I'm tired feeling bad all the time. I'm tired of constantly trying to fix things. I just want to feel good!
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (15 August 2011):
I've seen people who had been hospitalized for bi polar disorder. Then they decided they don't want to go on medications for life. They figured there has to be a reason for the suffering. The pain is actually a healing process. What they need is support, lots of hugs. There are people who are aware and actually want to get better. I suspect the number is very small.
One common thing I saw in those people is that neither of their parents are crazy but at least one of them is dominant, abusive, or negligent. And then they had either been bullied in school or been in an abusive marriage at least once in their life times. I think it's generations and generations of hurt and pain that had never been dealt with, until the newest generation can't take it anymore, hence the mental illness.
People are not so aware of mental illness in China and people don't know how to get help either. Parents try their best to cover this up and keep that a secret. They are in denial. Some of them hope the children get married and their spouses take on that responsibility. Those who come to accept mental illness are put on medications but medications only treat the symptoms but not the cause itself. They don't allow the patient to heal and feel in control of their lives. Of course if a patient gets violent he needs to be put on medication. No excuse.
People who are mentally unstable can't relate to other people. They look at others as extensions of themselves. Concepts like trust, commitment, and respect are only words, used for arguments purposes only. They don't understand these concepts in depth.
It would be great if you can make your fiance understand that she has a problem and she wants to get better. What helps is that you don't argue back and simply listen. The purpose of this is for her to purge out all her hate until there is nothing left. Her parents don't want to deal with this. You are her only support. Treat her more like a rehab therapist. You have to think outside being the husband role for now.
If divorce is inevitable then you have to pick up the pieces and be ready for the suicide talk. You have a bond with her it would be hard to just simply walk away.
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A
male
reader, soul83 +, writes (15 August 2011):
soul83 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOK I cannot deny what you are saying. It is playing with fire and I don't know where all her hate comes from. Certainly I don't want it directed at me. Agreed that the family doesn't want to lose face. Even though I have only been in China for 2 years, I have read and witnessed the business style dealings between families. I guess I'm being crazy to think that I could be immune to it plus I can't speak the language very well (her hometown dialect is a little difficult to understand).
Anyway, it's like she is making fun of me now. I want to know what is wrong with her? Needless to say, janniepeg, I don't have any feelings for her after her recent tirade. It's like she already killed whatever was left and I'm biding time before I escape. Yet I also feel bound by the marriage and wanting to work things out.
Yes she did some things over a year ago. Then she settled and things became a little better until recently. I really cannot tell what is going on in her mind but it's like she has built up a resistance to me (or me to her). I can't keep going on and on about it. She is incredibly bossy and says things that are over the top when she is angry. That's speaking from observations - I'm not defending her!
Why did she try to twist it around onto me? And then start saying she is the mother. That is twisted and sick and creepy. Ever heard of a woman wanting to kiss a guy's eyes as part of her way of showing affection? Without psychological help, I can't see an improvement in her. That is disappointing.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (15 August 2011):
Again, you try to hope that this is a cultural shock, a family custom passed on to her that makes her a quarrelsome person. Her mom is trying to patch you up by saying she did the same thing to her husband. If you withdraw her visa it would be a shame to her family. Exactly how useful is an Australian visa I don't know. Chinese people live for their family so when she is alone in Australia life will feel empty. At the same time a woman wants to have kids so she can't be a tour guide for that long. Women are not scarce in China. Real love is. Everything is a business transaction.
This is like a drama getting more intense at the end. Later she will find out threats won't work with you, then she will try something nastier. I don't know what end result she wants. She trashed your place, called you names, stole your money, what next? And you still stayed with her. It's as if she has so much hate in her she wants to know what it takes to destroy unconditional love. Maybe deep down inside she thinks she doesn't deserve love and happiness. You also want to challenge whether unconditional love can transform a person. You have to examine if this is really love, or a stubborn pride to refuse to believe this can't work out. You are both playing with fire here because you could perhaps shield yourself from verbal abuse but when it comes to money, she could destroy your future savings.
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A
male
reader, soul83 +, writes (15 August 2011):
soul83 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionUmm it's getting worse... now she is messaging me and saying stuff like, "these days u were like a baby..mother forgives u, ok, ".....
I'm really creeped out right about now.
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A
male
reader, soul83 +, writes (15 August 2011):
soul83 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionjanniepeg: thanks again for your input to the questions. I have lost the trust with her now. I think that's going to be permanent. I'm waiting for her to come back. She twisted it around on me and tried to make out like I was the one being immature. Yet it was ok for her to ignore my calls and just switch me off.
She is so manipulative and because of what she has put me through in these past couple of days, I don't really want to continue with her. I want to withdraw my support for her visa. I don't think she can change my mind this time. Her manipulation of the situation bodes bad news for me I think. My friend pointed out that she can just as easily plead domestic violence in Australia and use that against me to get citizenship.
OK here is what she sent to me today when I tried to bridge the gap in communication:
Me: u can't stay mad at me forever. Let's settle it and concentrate on going to Australia together. OK? I am not going to answer the phone so u can prank me like u used to.
Her: it is u mad and u think so much. dear. concentrate u job like me have no time to think argue,ok,still love u,dear.see u tomorrow,and be mature!
Oh that last part sickened me. Who was the one telling me to f**** off and that she wanted a stronger better man. She had been getting cold to me and withdrawing affection and saying things like 'I'm bored when we kiss'...it took me a bit of coercion to get her back into it but I think she feels nothing when we kiss. So to that end, I was convinced that she had emotionally shut off to me and now she can just string me along and say whatever she likes and turn it all back on me.
I'm furious and I'm not letting this one rest!!
At what point can I get her to realise that her narcissism has pushed me away. I nearly did leave the other night after the extremely hurtful things she said. And now she tells me to be mature. What a joke. I'm not her f******* puppet. I spent 2 days curled up feeling depressed and like my wife had wanted to leave me and had strung me along for 2 years. Left me beat up emotionally. I'll try to control the anger on here.
This is not the first time she did this to me. I really should have perhaps up and left in her hometown. Her actions these past couple of days has made me remember what she did to me in her hometown just a couple of days before the wedding. We had a huge fight and she basically told me she is just going to go ahead with the wedding even though she wasn't sure about me - even told me to pack the bags and leave her. It was like a blow to the stomach.
In the past I complained to my parents about a couple of things. They started getting angry at me for staying with her. Their remarks towards me would cause one of two emotions: I would be very sensitive to them and get very upset. Or I would just shrug it off and wait for it to blow over -- I got used to her anger and just used to shield myself until she calmed down. BUT it has pushed me too far.
Maybe I am not tough enough, but I am fed up. I can't be with someone that says they can have better than me all the time. To that end, we are havign a family meeting about all of this. Her mother is furious with her saying that crap to me. If we fight, we can fight fairly. Have you ever gotten so angry at your boyfriend that you threatened to replace him with something better?
My friend said this is how Chinese women are. That they may not be as stong as my wife, but when it comes to the marriage, they are very quarrelsome and cause a lot of problems. I'm not going to let this rest. Perhaps you can sense my passionate personality. I gave my heart to her not to be stomped on at will. I loved her so much which is why I stuck it out and tried to get her to change - recognising her weakness and trying to deal with it and hoping that with age she would change.
My mother in-law told me in some detail yesterday that she often says a lot of bad words to her husband. They routinely fight so I reckon their marriage is still together to save face in the family. It's very traditional though.
I'm called the baby and the problem-maker and the immature one. I dunno. Do I make a big deal out of it? Perhaps in the future I should just ignore her threats. But what happens when one day she says I don't listen to her anymore or she actually acts on those threats. So I'm left never knowing her intentions from here on out. It should be clear as we still have the visa and she has put everything in motion like quitting her job soon etc. There is a sentence they use in China which says that a person should control their emotion. But the nasty comments telling me and my family to f**** off and go to hell, that she can find better than me, that she can very easily replace me at any time... nobody deserves to be hurt with that. Always trying to put me down.
Last night I was looking out at the horizon and 1am and trying to imagine life with another girl and having to share all the experiences again. I can't have her bleed my soul dry anymore. She really needs to know what she is doing to me - assuming that she is not just another of those manipulative women out there playing mind games.
!!
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (15 August 2011):
Hi I am sorry I was wrong. The relationship wasn't fake. She has terrible mood swings and you can't just expect her to act like a normal supportive girlfriend. I am not sure what she needs now. She definitely wants your love and understanding and I think you are generous enough to provide that. Just don't have anything financial to do with her. I hope this experience did not scar you or prevent you from having good relationships in the future. Maybe for some miracle she gets better. If she had a mental health problem her parents would have known in her teen years. Hold off saying words like respect, trust, love and commitment. As for now she can't have a normal relationship. Normal women are not like that, not even on their periods, especially having a loving man on their side they have no reason to go beserk.
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A
male
reader, soul83 +, writes (14 August 2011):
soul83 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionjanniepeg thankyou!!!
I'm in a mess at this moment. Where to start, the so-called wife decided to send me a bunch of text messages that have pretty much told me to get lost. Should have seen this coming two years ago. Her mother accidentally answered the phone and cost us a huge bill on the overseas call. Well I'll post the messages for you to see:
Her: what are u f****** doing and let my mother answer the phone i do not want to talk to u anyway. go away. !f***,f***!f***!
Me: where is the love u had for me and the respect? I am feeling sick to the stomach over how long we have been together. Not once have I sworn at u. And u come back and start behaving like u want another man. Where are we at? are we going to australia together? do u want to marry me and settle together?
Her: go away and pack your bags to australia. i don't want to see you anymore. i want the rich muscle man. you are a problem guy anyway.
Me: this is my last question to u: do you love me?
Her: no no no no! idiot!
Me: why wont u calm down and stop abusing me? stop saying these hurtful things. what is wrong with u? do u think i am stupid to think that u do not care about me? why are u always going over the top with your anger? u came back upset and i tried to calm u down. i do not understand *****. i send u love everyday and the response i get is telling me i am an idiot. i wish u would stop and see clearly. i am so good to u and patient. what do u want now? we are apart from each other.
Her: i am going to sleep. take care sexy.baby.my phone will off now!
Me (delivered the next morning): Oh what is wrong with u? i hate the way u have no respect for me and just shut me off. Keep hurting me. ***** u are the one with the problem and u can't run away from it. What u have said is something u say to someone u want out of your life. i am not going to chase u. if u want me, come and get me. Otherwise i will get on with my life :P
I don't want to hear from you until u learn some manners and respect. The ball is in your court. Goodnight.
Well, last night I decided to try and contact her after not hearing from her all day. She was contactable for a while then turned off the phone, turned it back on later. I sent a couple more messages:
I am still in *****. Waiting for your return. If u still care about me then reply to this or call me. [no response]
so later i sent this: is this how u want things without facing me? stop treating me like this. we are supposed to be married. u have to face me when u come home. u have created big problems.
Indeed she has. Many problems that are probably enough to break us apart (well she already made out that through the slew of nasty texts anyway). An email got sent to the wrong person and my parents saw the list of text messages. I was talking to my mate about it while I was so worked up. Well, today dad got on the phone and made it clear in no uncertain terms and with the use of lots of profanity (and he is very much against any swearing at all) - that she is not welcome in the family and that if I bring her to australia, they will not help out anymore - they had prepared a bedroom for us to stay but they had their reservations about her before (they had asked her whereabouts many times and I had to answer with outside with her friends instead of being at home with me). They have told me that I'm not the full quid if I stay with her and that they will help us to find some dump in the middle of nowhere to stay in like white trailer trash. They are disgusted with what she said to me.
Her mother in-law s staying with us to do the cooking while we work - saves us a bit fo money too. Well, I told her everything finally. Just had a gutful of it and wasn't going to suffer in silence. She was planning for us all to sit down together and try to resolve this. But I don't care how mny times she has insulted me then said sorry in the past, this time I feel she has gone too far. I need someone stable in my life and I have lost all trust in her to be by my side. Not only that, but I don't want a woman hanging around me if they are not really interested in the real me.
I have recieved my first big lesson in love/life: it is easy to put on an act of love through words and actions. She is my first and I really believed her and that no problem was too big for us to solve. Well, talking in such an insulting manner and shutting me off like that is just too much for any person to take. I think if I leave, many people would support me.
I'm waiting for her return so I can at least get access to my funds. We will see what happens next. Her mother in-law and my mate are both trying to talk me into staying and sorting it out now that we are married. Well, actually I don't want to hang around now that I have uncovered that she can just kick me away if she feels like it. She has no sense of commitment. And also the main fact that she might be forced by the family to stay in something against her will - I don't want a woman who cannot love me.
It was killing me because I didn't want to let her go but I know I need to be mature about everything. Marriage is too serious and my future is depending on the decisions I make now. Too bad that we were meant to marry legally in December and go back to australia in 10 weeks time.
What about her boxes of clothes? She sent many boxes of clothes to my home. We also bought the tickets to fly home. Now she goes and hits me with this. I was inclined to sell the clothes upon their arrival and let mum take the profits... but my parents don't want anything to do with me anymore anyway!
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (12 August 2011):
My brother got married the traditional Chinese way. It is rare nowadays.
You are thinking A LOT. The issues circle around does she love me does she love me not. She loves you being nice to her, she loves that you put on a show in front of her parents. But I doubt she really loves you the way you need her to, the basics like trust, friendship is not there.
If my spouse took my bank card overseas I would have called the bank to report a stolen card and to issue another one. This is not saving money for the wedding. This is controlling you and disrespecting you. The disrespect is real, not some anger after an argument, but a general disrespect for men.
She can't attract any "stronger men" because she is not the right woman herself. You can't get her to respect you because deep down she does not respect men, she uses them. Her being cold to you is a sign that the relationship is a fake from the beginning, and not because she felt pressured from the wedding, not because you are not smart enough or rich enough. Women don't have to be bitches in order not to be boring. There is a fine line between a strong assertive woman and a real bitch who walks all over men. Love is much more than those fuzzy feelings for each other, it is also a decision, and actions to support one another in times of distress.
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A
male
reader, soul83 +, writes (12 August 2011):
soul83 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionFurther, despite telling me in a cruel way that she has never met a man as stupid as me before, she later tried to apologise for her temper and said that I don't need to change myself and she loves me for who I am.
Up and down, hot and cold. Loving then dismissive. I can't handle it because I never know for sure if she stills cares a great deal about me. I remember all the good times we had and it makes me think that we will have a good future until she starts the comparing me to other guys. I think it's just her personality but her rude, abrupt and hurtful attitude hits on my weakness - being compared to others. In my past, I was bullied in high school over a back problem. At home, I hated to be compared to my intellectually disabled uncle. Mentally there is nothing wrong with me!
I'm socially awkward to a certain extent but not that noticeable and I have changed a lot. I'm much more outgoing and I created an otherwise pretty good life for myself living abroad and had lots of amazing experiences. Our wedding was a traditional Tang style with red clothes, the horse and sedan chair. Not many people still get married in that way - especially foreigners.
The day I proposed and the day of the wedding were the happiest time of my life. I couldn't stop smiling. But now it's so different as I watch my spouse run me into the ground and behave like she is looking elsewhere or at least doesn't want to be with me.
We have only been married just over 2 months and there's been a slide into unhappiness. I just get called unromantic, easily replceable if I don't watch out, stupid, idiot, boring etc Then the yoyo bounces back and it's loving again.
At my age, I need something more reliable and stable. Otherwise my future could end up being a mess.
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A
male
reader, soul83 +, writes (12 August 2011):
soul83 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionActually I just read something which made me sit and recall what was said to me recently. I am strongly inclined to believe the reason she feels bored when she kisses me is because she has lost all emotional and physical connection to me. We have hardly had sex but she does accept me giving her oral and she'll reciprocate. And she has just started to kiss me back again.
I don't understand why she would then choose to stay with me if it's this way. It can't just be about citizenship and face with her parents.
Why? Because she is going to quit her very successful job to come to Australia to live with me. We will live with my parents until I am established and she finds work - which may not happen for her for a couple of years while the residency is processed. So I find it hard to see why she would throw away the good life she has now and risk everything with me if she didn't really care about me on some level! Though to some of her friends she refers to me as the boyfriend. Most people know she is married now.
Maybe I can't see clearly because I'm caught up in my emotions...
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