A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have pretty serious trust issues that I'm newly in counselling for. My therapist says that I am constantly on the lookout and searching for bad things that may happen so that I'm not blindsided if they do occur. I'm fully self aware of all these issues but struggling to change as a person. I was bullied for many years as a child and I'm thinking this is the reason for why I am the way I am now.Does anyone know how long it can take for therapy to work? I really want to change but don't know how to stop the anxiety!It's ruining my relationship with my lovely boyfriend. I'm jealous, insecure, can't trust easily. Rationally I KNOW I have no need to be... But I'm terrified of being made a fool of - like if he cheated on me. I live with 'what ifs'. He's feeling controlled, and spied on because I feel the need to know everything. He has told me white lies in the past to avoid the confrontation and admits this was not the right thing to do. He just wants his privacy respected, which I understand. My snooping feels like a drug sometimes. He swears he has done nothing wrong and that he won't. I just don't know what to do anymore. I feel terrible about myself and I just want to be able to trust him and enjoy the relationship. :-(
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2013): I think therapy works as fast as your mind allows it to. I think one way to speed it up would be to make sense of and understand the explanation given to you by your counselor. If you are always on the look out for bad things to happen, then you are always going to be ready to respond as though. I think a lot of people tell white lies from time to time, but if you are assuming the worst, a white lie seems like it's just the tip of the ice burg and he's playing you, when really he's just being human.
It seems like a lot of girls feel inadequate if they can't be the prettiest girl around, but really, not many girls work on their personalities. Some people consider me pretty, but I have insecurities just like every other girl. If you can't let him be him, you're never going to be happy. If you don't like him enough to be himself without being punished for your past, then why be with him?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2013): I wish I could help but I can't sorry. I'm in pretty much the exact same position you are - seeing a counsellor for anxiety and I often can't help but log into my boyfriend's facebook profile or try and keep tabs on what girls he talks to. Sometimes there are reasons for feeling like this, sometimes not. I just want you to know that you're not alone. My boyfriend and I recently got in a fight because I can't get past the fact that he said I was less attractive than his ex over a year ago and have got very insecure and jealous. It's a horrible feeling and I really hope you can get past it, I'm hoping I cam too. Good luck!
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