A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:my boyfriend and i have been together for 7 years. i cheated on him about 4years ago but i never told him. we lived together for 1 year last year.while we were in Europe and it was there that i got pregnant. so we decided that we should return home, but three days after returning home i lost the baby. i was really devastated. Since then we would start fighting about anything and i felt distant from him. one night while we were outi found a phone number in his car and after calling i realised that he had cheated on me. i was crushed. he told me he was sorry and that he didn't deserve me. well, guess i got an attack of conscience, so i told him that i had cheated on him too. we decided that we would try again, but we still argue. he says i don't trust him and i nag him and i say he doesnt spend any time with me. He keeps telling me that he can't forget what i did and how i lied to him for so long and whenever we argue he throws it back in my face everytime. He cheated on me too. He says he loves me and that will never change and i love him too. but will we ever get past this?
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female
reader, igby  +, writes (20 July 2007):
 Love is such a complex emotion, but trust is a huge part of it and without it its never going to work. This isn't to say that you both can't get past previous mistakes, and regrets, but it will take time and you will have to work at it. Firstly, you need to forgive yourself for cheating, before he can. Same goes for him. This means being really open about why you cheated. The second thing is to deal with the loss of the baby, something you need to deal with personally and together. Especially if you never really spoke about it, how you were feeling, to get out in the open how it impacted you and it turn your relationship. It sounds like you really care about each other but you need to rebuild, hopefully into something stronger and deeper than ever.
A
female
reader, flower girl  +, writes (19 July 2007):
 The only way this relationship is ever going to work is if you can both forgive and forget and never bring it up again.
If you don't think this is possible then it's time to disolve the relationship.
Take care.xx.
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A
female
reader, sxcbabiegal +, writes (19 July 2007):
 well ive been in your position a few months ago i know how you feel and which ever way you and your partnet decide to choose is up to you. you could either split up and move on or you can just say you'll forget about the past and just move ahead. i have been with my boyfriend for over a year and we have both cheated on each other but after a while you can learn to trust your partner again but it's just what ever way you feel is better for you
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A
female
reader, raychell +, writes (19 July 2007):
 I dont mean to sound nasty but I think that you are both as bad as each other. Cheating hurts everybody. And just because you openly admitted that you cheated out of a guilty concence doesnt make the fact that you BOTH cheated on each other any better. Personally I only have two sayings for people who cheat. One is 'if they can do it with you they can do it to you' which doesnt really apply to you and the other is 'if you can do it once you can do it again'. But think about it if you are both makin each other miserable then I would try a break and move on then you cn decide if you want to be together or end it and just stay friends. But keep bringing the cheating subject up and things wont get ny better at all. let me no how it goes. good luck
rachel
xxxx
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