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We agreed to go ahead with the 3some, but every time it crops up my wife finds a reason not to go ahead!!

Tagged as: Big Questions, Sex, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (19 April 2007) 7 Answers - (Newest, 19 April 2007)
A male United States age 41-50, anonymous writes:

Alright, so I read some other similar questions but not exactly the same. My wife and I are both legitimately intrested in a threesome, and (she being bisexual) we are agreed it should obviously be a woman. The problem is everytime I find someone intrested my wife finds a reason why not to that night. I think it is an intresting idea, but I wouldn't so much care if it did or did not happen if it wasnt for the fact she specifically continues to bring it up. So?

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A female reader, TasteofIndia United States +, writes (19 April 2007):

TasteofIndia agony auntHey sweetness,

She sounds like she's not really into this and doing it for you. However, if you think she's REALLY excited about this then the only solution I see to this is letting HER pick a girl to do it with. She can make all the arrangements, etc., etc. If she doesn't pick anyone and sort of flakes out, then don't push it. That says to me that she's really not into the threesome as much as you think she is.

Good luck!

xxIndia

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A male reader, eddie Canada +, writes (19 April 2007):

eddie agony auntI also think it's more for you than your wife. She's not writing the letter!! If she was bothered by it, she'd bring someone home to do it. If it's not an issue, don't worry about it. Be careful what you wish for though, you and her. What about STD's. Can you really trust someone who's sexual history you can't confirm and who enjoys that lifestyle? I don't think so because when they're horny, logic goes out the window.

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A female reader, Enzian Switzerland +, writes (19 April 2007):

Enzian agony auntShe seems to be very doubtful. So maybe she changed her mind, because she acutally doesn't want to. Don't push her! If she doesn't want to, it will only do a lot of harm for both of you!

To go sure, you can suggest her, that she should be the one that looks for someone intrested. So she can choose the person and the time and she would be much more secure. But if she will never find someone, this will be a true sign that she actually doesn't want to and you will have to accept that!

If you really love her, you will never push her and accept her decision!

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A male reader, Dr. Mark Canada +, writes (19 April 2007):

Do you find she brings it up more often while you are having sex? There could be a fantasy going on in her head, and during sex, it becomes so strong that she believes she really does want to do it. Later, when she has cooled down, she maybe wonders where that idea came from, and isn't quite so sure.

If she is has actually had bisexual experiences, and not merely fantasized about them, that doesn't necessarily mean she is ready to share you.

The thought of a threesome can be a powerful thought, but I strongly suggest you do some research before actively perusing it, especially if there is reluctance on the part of either partner.

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A female reader, eyeswideopen United States +, writes (19 April 2007):

eyeswideopen agony auntSince you don't really care if it does or doesn't happen, then let it go. If your wife is really interested she'll find the third person. Personally I think threesomes are stupid.

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A female reader, TELLULAH United Kingdom +, writes (19 April 2007):

TELLULAH agony auntHi,

Quite honestly I think you are far more interested in this than your wife.

Maybe she likes the idea, because imagination can be far more of a turn on, than doing the real thing.

I dont think I have heard anyone who has done this, say that it was great in the end. My partner did this before he was with me, and he says it was like bursting a bubble, and he wished he had never bothered.

So be carefull what you wish for.

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A female reader, mexico36 United Kingdom +, writes (19 April 2007):

The answer seems quite obvious to me - your wife obviously loves the idea of a threesome but when it comes down to it she can't bear the thought of sharing you with another woman, which is quite understandable. This could be because the other woman may be in better physical shape than your wife and she feels vulnerable about this or she's worried in case a relationship develops with you and this other person. Perhaps shes wondering when this starts where will it end. I think you should talk to her in an empathetic and rational way - she's sure to tell you what its all about.

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