A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Was I wrong to honey trap my now ex, especially as he went for it hook line and sinker??We had been dating for a few months when he went suddenly distant, and reactivated his dating profile (he's on my favourites list so I get notifications of his online ness via email).I set up a fake profile and got him to meet my alter-ego. Of course she stood him up, and he ent her a few v cross texts as a result. Yay for spare phones.Now my issue is that he had been the one to start mentioning "feeling very serious" about 'us' and yet reactivated his full profile. He was of course so mad about getting caught and started to go on about my lack of trust. But if he has lied to me why is it so bad that I did this in order to satisfy my own paranoia? Especially as it turned out that it wasn't unfounded???
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2012): OP here - thanks. Well he may well cheat but as I say, he is "ex" so yeah ..
I know I have trust issues and tbh the posts I didn't post were getting too long on detail. If I had posted the saga then it would have been clearer why I had issues with the whole thing about him going back online and the degree of how serious he was claiming to be!!
Thanks _ am feeling a lot less guilty now to the point where I am giggling at the reaction.
So over him :-DD xxxxx
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (11 July 2012):
I don't like honey traps. It usually shows that there are major problems already that can't be solved. Problem is, honey traps often work.
In your case, it worked. Big time. And you have indeed found him out as a guy who was willing to cheat. If it had come to nothing, then I'd have suggested it was you with the problem. But, as I said, you found out who he really is.
Time to move on, I think.
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (11 July 2012):
 Hya
Soon as he went distant and reactivated his dating profile you should have ended the relationship.It was a huge clue you two had run the course and it was over. You did what you felt you had to do and it must have made you smile knowing he was 'stood up'.Its not really a healthy way to go on though.
Dont give him another thought, he sure isnt worth your time.
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A
female
reader, IamJess +, writes (11 July 2012):
 Maybe he wasn't so serious about you before and thats why he was keeping his options open, its not actually acceptable but some people are like that.
But the other side of it is, is that he has just announced these feelings for you in order for you to stay and believe him, when he's been planning to meet other people? He could just try harder to keep it a secret next time, or you could just try and get past it.
But once its happened before, your more inclined to think its going to happen again.
FOLLOW YOUR INSTINCT.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2012): "But if he has lied to me why is it so bad that I did this in order to satisfy my own paranoia?"
Like any lying, cheating scumbag caught red-handed, ex took the coward's way out by blaming you instead of owning up and accepting responsibility for his actions.
However, lowering yourself to employing such tactics to catch him does not reflect well on you either, and stated reason for subtrefuge "to satisfy [your] own paranoia" leads me to respectfully suggest that perhaps you should take pause and re-evaluate your approach to relationships.
If you'd only been dating "for a few months" when "he went suddenly distant," then that should have been your cue to end things immediately rather than allow him to treat you with such casual disregard; to me, that in and of itself is disrespectful, and you should have had the pride and dignity to walk away then and never look back.
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A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (11 July 2012):
 I think it was wrong, but what's done is done and you can't go back. You could have told him you noticed the distance and wondered what was wrong, but that is no guarantee he would have been honest. You did what you thought had to do to find out what you wanted. Now I think you need to move on because there will always be trust issues between the two of you.
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