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female
,
anonymous
writes: Ok, I'm going to try and have this be the last question I post because I'm getting a little out of hand with posting questions on here. Anyway, I need reassurace like always because I have a lot of self doubt now that I broke up with my ex fiance who was emotionally abusive-that's at least what everyone has told me and I do believe. Anyway, the day I broke up with my fiance was over something so stupid. He was in the shower and I calmly asked him to not use my shampoo. He yelled at me saying that then I should be paying the bills (on his house that we just moved into together but he's owned it for 10 years) or get out. Keep in mind that we only just moved into his house at the time I broke up with him (maybe we had been there a month and I was making $8/hr not even 40 hrs. per week because I was working 2 min. paying jobs while trying to get my real estate license. The mortgages in New York are really expensive obviously, and I literally couldn't afford it and he had a business he had been running for 10 years and had lots of money but just spent it on lots of expensive toys and trips. Anyway, I may have been a little stressed because I was the one mainly paying for the food and my credit card debt was outrageous for someone my age (I'm 24 and he is 34). But, he said that he wasn't going to go in debt for me. Basically, I just started thinking that we should pay fairly for our shower stuff, etc. I really wasn't trying to make a big deal but he flipped out so I took my bottles of shampoo out of the shower and calmly told him I would just put it in a shower basket-like he had originally told me to buy for his RV that we were living in the previous 2 months. Well, he stormed out of the shower and told me to get out of his house, that I had 2 hours to pack. We had had previous breakups and fights because I always felt he was emotionally abusive, so I saw this as a way out, even if it seemed petty to everyone else. I started to pack and he asked what I was doing shocked that I had taken off my engagement ring. He said it was stupid because it was over shampoo and I said it wasn't about the shampoo, it was how he talked to me, I felt like he disrespected me, and how I can't live up to his unrealistic expectations on so many levels-I don't want to go in detail because it would take hours but basically he doesn't take no for an answer and is very demanding and critical and controlling. I drove home to Colorado and that first night and for the past 2 months that I left him he has said how sorry he was for everything and how much he loves and misses me and wants to be with me. Basically, my question is, (since I need reassurance if you haven't noticed), is/was our last encounter-the shampoo incident ridiculous on my part or his? Would other girls have reacted how I did? I'm not regretting the breakup, it's just hard to know when I was right and wrong because he always made me believe I was wrong. And it's been hard to get over that.
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broke up, debt, emotionally abusive, fiance, money, moved in, my ex Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (15 December 2007):
 Anyone can see the fight wasn't over the shampoo. I can see very much deeper reasons. I wonder why a man who is well off won't cover the expenses of his FIANCÉE who just moved in from that far to be with him. This points to a very bad relationship. I agree with the posters: you did the right thing in breaking up. With time, you will see it more clearly and won't need any reassurance.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2007): You did the right thing. This situation was dysfunctional, and you're better off.
Stick in there! :)
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A
female
reader, raiderlily  +, writes (12 December 2007):
The guy was obviously an emotional manipulator. I'm sure he is sorry because he acted like a jerk. Just remember he was the one who said he wanted you out, he just feels stupid because you actually left. He wasn't treating you like an equal and your better off without him. The 'shampoo discussion' was just a symptom of the real problem, him. You did the right thing. Just remember it only takes one day to meet the right person and then your life will be off on a whole new wonderful direction.
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A
female
reader, frizzylizzy  +, writes (11 December 2007):
 Look, you did the right thing.. You obvisiously wanted out so you took your opportunity.. Keep going girl, it will get easier I promise. The arguement about the shampoo was just minor, the horrible things he said to you about the house etc, that's no way to live.
So in answer to your question, your better off without him, get on with your life and enjoy it..
Good luck
L
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