A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am a 35 year old single mother of one 8 year old girl. I was with her father for 13 years before he decided to leave. He is still in her life but we do not get along due to his verbal abuse and disrespect. it took me a while to trust men again but I met a great wonderful man how is 7 years younger than me. The only problem is he is not established yet. Still in school and living in his parents house to save money. If I made a list, he has everything I am looking for. Funny, generous, compassionate, romantic, loyal. Just basically a great guy that is hard to find these days. He even gets along and love my daughter like his own. I do love him, but I don't want to make the same mistakes I did with my ex. When I met my ex husband 13 years ago, he was a student with no income and because I was in love, I didn't care that he didn't have money. I paid for everything when we were living together, with the promise that one day he would get married and he take care of me so I could finish school. After he started his career, he basically felt I wasn't good enough or a good partner and dumped me. It hurt so much and it took years to build my confidence and self esteem. so here I am. 35. Struggling. I am a pretty woman and I know if money was important to me, I would have seeked out a rich guy for security. After my divorce, I even told myself not to give my heart away to someone who didn't have a stable income. But I met my current boyfriend. yes he's poor. The thing is. Should I be patient and supportive of him? He is a smart man and nothing like my ex. i do love him and we have so much fun together. I know in time, he will mature and get where he needs to go. Do I wait? i am 35. I can't afford to make another mistake in my life. I have a little girl that adores him, but I don't want to be the one planning and paying for things just because I am older and wiser. I do want a man to take charge. Yet, I am scared that these older men with money are controlling and jerks who will not love my daughter. so please give me some advice. thank you
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male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (9 January 2011):
 It sounds like you have a bit of a long-distance relationship going. So it doesn't surprise me if he is too clingy. Normally, when you are in love with someone, you want to spend all your available time with them.
I am not sure of the dynamics of your relationship, but after a year I think you have a pretty good idea if this is the guy for you or not. I think you need to take stock of your relationship, figure out what you want and see if this is the guy that works out for you.
Not every guy is perfect and from your initial post, this is the perfect guy, but you have reservations.
Make a list of the pros and cons. If you feel it isn't going to work, you owe it to cut him loose. He's invested a year into this (as well as you) and you owe him at least that.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWe just made our 1 year mark. Although most of it has been long distance, we got to spend 3 weeks straight together for new years. There are some red flags. I sense a little jealousy and he always want to be with me.
Even when i go to the gym he tells me to wake him up.
I do want to end it, but then i see his good qualities too. i don't trust my judgement with me. He is a very nice guy that treats me good. (so far)
but I can't help but think I deserve more and better.
Than theres the other side that thinks i should be happy with what i have and I am asking and wanting too much.
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A
male
reader, doublejack +, writes (27 December 2010):
I don't know anything about this guy other than what the OP posted, but I'm a little concerned that at age 28 he's still in school and living with his parents. Also, the OP didn't state how long she's been seeing this guy. If it has been less than eight months or a year and he's talking marriage and kids, that's another concern to me.My advice is to proceed with caution. This isn't adding up completely to me.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 December 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your advise. I will take one day at a time.
I can't end it because of my fears. The ONLY problem I find with our relationship is I find that's he's too clingy. I can't figure out if it's me, because I'm not use to recieving love or him giving too much love.
All I know is that we click and get along very well and he treats me very well. He doesn't have money but show it in so many other ways. He's like my best friend.
All my life, my mother told me to marry a doctor or lawyer and i didn't listen and because she's always going to say"I told you so".
She knows I'm dating him and already prejudge him and not like him because of his age. She knows nothing else of him.
She's nagging me that if I have more kids, esp with him, I will live a struggling "miserable" life.
I ignore her. But when you get older, you can't help but think if Mother knows best.
We are in a long distance now and have plans of moving in together by next year. He already talks marraige and kids, and I guess that is what scares me.
Then again, being alone and letting go a great guy that treats me good is scary too.
I was single 2 years, and I hated it. So many jerks and that's why when I met him. It was a breath of fresh air. I ask for a good guy who will love me and my daughter. I got one, and now my mind is playing tricks.
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A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (24 December 2010):
If you think the man has potential, I'd certainly wait it out. It sounds like he is a decent man and is willing to be with you and your child. Men like that don't grow on trees.
I'd take a hard look at his work ethic and his long term plans are. When do you expect him to be able to move out of his parents' house? Is he going to be in a field that has opportunity / growth?
I think you are asking the right questions, and ultimately I think you are the one that has going to answer them. Each relationship has its own benefits and sacrifices. There aren't any easy answers here, but I think if you follow your heart, you'll make the right one.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2010): Money isn't everything you know, besides there's no point in thinking long term anyway until he's a bit more settled, has begun his own career etc. You know there's no hurry at all, you have another 50-80 years of life left (touch wood). so why the need to force the issue?
I think you're missing the whole of the fun/dating thing. The only thing this guy has that you can compare to your ex is the college/money thing. Just don't make the same mistake of being his financial supporter. Let him do that himself, your ex had it easy because he always had you to throw money at him well this guy is not your ex and as long you don't start throwing money at him left, right and centre then he won't become accustomed to that.
Please don't take this the wrong way, but the fact you have a good man now but can't help but actually consider looking for a sugar daddy doesn't make sense, you need to figure out what you want because frankly if you dump this guy then you're back into the minefield of dating again and you may never find a guy like this again. Also by looking for some rich sugar daddy you're only looking for a guy with money limiting your options and basically settling for a lot less than what you have.
Look don't make the same mistakes you made with your ex, but don't put pressure on yourself to be settled and comfortable all of a sudden, it never works that way. You built up so much with this guy, that you're thinking of throwing it away "just in case". That's not a very smart move at all. Again no offence but some people spend their entire lives searching for a "good partner" and never find one. You have and you're willing to throw it away because you're scared of what "might" happen. We can't live our lives on that basis or we'd never cross the road, we'd never leave the house or never turn on the lights in case something bad happened.
Love is always a risk, and for the right person it's always one worth taking. Take the lessons of your ex with you but don't let them dictate how you live your life or your future relationships. Just don't become this guys sole source of income and don't be in a hurry to settle. Life's too short to worry too much about the future or the future of your relationship. Just let what happens happen.
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