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female
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anonymous
writes: Was I completely out of line to tell my fiance that things between us aren't the same as they used to be...for example, we don't cuddle as much. I didn't say it in an angry tone, and didn't want to start an argument. I was just noticing it, not like it was a bad thing at all, and not like I was loving him less and less. (We just got engaged and we've been dating 3 months). He got really hurt/mad and sad he couldn't understand why I would say such a thing right after agreeing to marry him. I've never been in a relationship longer than 3 months, and I think I was just trying to say that we must just be comfortable with each other, which isn't a bad thing, but rather a good thing. I apologized profusely and tried to explain myself. He didn't talk to me for awhile, and when he agreed to talk he wanted to do so in the dark in bed. I wanted this little misunderstaning to get solved before we went to sleep since the next day he was going to be gone for 5 days. But he just kept refusing and said he wanted to sleep over and over, and kept cutting me off. I kept trying to talk with him, and this became an argument in itself. Was I completely out of line last night, or am I headed into a relationship where I will be constantly walking on eggshells trying not to say or do the wrong things.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYeah, maybe I was just reminiscing about good memories between us, is that such a bad thing?
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male
reader, DocSilverback  +, writes (13 January 2007):
 You know, your feelings matter as much as his does. You are 'pussy-footing' around a guy who apparently has issues. Seems to me that you already are walking on eggshells. If your relationship is already rocky due to the fact that his actions bring him to silence, where does the future lie between the two of you? If you do not have a voice now, you will not in the future. I think he has a "superior" type of attitude and thinks only of himself and his feelings. Where do you fit in? Oh yes, you are the one on top of the eggshells. Don't go there. I think it is good that he is showing his true colors so early in your relationship, that way he only wasted little time in your life....MOVE ON and don't let him waste anymore of it.
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male
reader, eddie  +, writes (13 January 2007):
 Wow, 3 months and things are not the same as they "used" to be..........I'm thinking the excitment of the engagement and the hype of the new relationship have dwindled a little and you're back on earth. This is reality so make sure you're in the right relationship.
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female
reader, DeeDoc +, writes (13 January 2007):
 THESE ARE MY THOUGHTS: I agree with LoveOnlyOnce. It seems as if this relationship needs a bit more courting instead of an engagement. I am only saying this because of the problem you are now having. Getting to know someone takes time. You have alreading moved in with each other after (3) months and are now engaged. By doing this, you are learning more and more about one another on a daily basis. If stating how you feel to him causes this much of a hassle just think of future situations that envolve issues not only of the heart, but maybe of finances and goals. Being concerned about your relationship as far as telling him that you feel that the cuddling has ceased a bit, was certainly a heart-felt question to ask. I do not see why he would become so angry at your assessment. And, yes, I do feel at this point that you will be headed for the eggshells if you do not sit down at get behind the meaning of his anger. Basically, just ask him why he is so angry when all you did was express that the cuddling was not as often as is had been. My dear, before you say "I DO", I certainly would try to figure out his reasoning for acting in such a manner. Good luck to you.
xx
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female
reader, happytochat  +, writes (13 January 2007):
I think you did have the right to say what you said. You are in a relationship so therefor you should both be able to talk about things openly without fearing the others reaction.
My guess is that when you brought this subject up with your fiance you hit a soft spot, a nerve. Perhaps he took it the wrong way or perhaps in a past realationship a gf has said something similar and he got the blame for it or maybe she broke up with him for it- either way something bad may of hapepned in relation to what you said, making him go into denial about anything being wrong. Some people do this sort of thing. If they think there is noway to solve somethign they go into denial and try not to face it.
I can understand how your fiances reaction would make you upset, but you can't let his bad reaction stop you from bringing up issues in your relationship and talking about your feelings when you are upset with somethign not right. Perhaps when you see him next, get him at a time when he is really calm and you too stay calm (by the way i think its good that you stayed calm when talking to him in hope that he woudlnt react in a bad way, even tho he did, u did the right thing) and tell him that its important that if one of you have something to discuss about the relationship you need ot talk about it in order for it to work. You should also say that the only reason you would talk about such issues is because you love him and want to give this relationship the best shot you can and you can only do that through communicating and talking to each other.
Hopefuly if you re explain the importance of talking about issues he will next time not react so badly. Perhaps you could try talking to his mother or father, someone close to him who has known him for a longggggg time and ask them how he reacts to being confronted about such things? if he acts similar around them, especialy to his family perhaps this means you are in for a marriage where your husband doesnt yet know how to deal with things in the most effective way. But this can always be overcome throug counselling, just for one example.
goodluck and i hope this all works out :)
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female
reader, LoveOnlyOnce +, writes (13 January 2007):
 First of all, you have to ask yourself, do you think you might be rushing into getting married since you have only been dating 3 months??? I understand what you mean that things might not be working out (Or the love/or the spark has gone) but if that is happening now after 3 months, you need to think long term, especially since someone else will be involved. I do think you need to speak to someone professionally or re-think about getting engaged! Good luck!
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