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male
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anonymous
writes: This is quite strange but I will explain. For christmas this year my gf said that her brother would be purchasing me a leather jacket. She said it would make up for the past christmas's that he has missed out on buying me a present. She said it would be quite expensive. So on christmas day she brought down a bag with a leather jacket inside from her brother.I looked at it and thought it was quite nice and was grateful for it. I put it back in the bag as I was going out and didn't have time to look at it. The next day when I woke up there was a strange smell in my bedroom. I realised it was the smell of smoke, beer and general night club/pub smell and took it downstairs. When I did I noticed the inside of the jacket was filthy with black stains and black marker pen inside. There was also a series of rips inside and a huge rip by the collar. I took it downstairs because of the smell and put it in the garage.When I asked my girlfriend about this she immediatly became pissed off with me and took offence. She labelled me 'ungrateful' and wouldn't accept an old second hand leather jacket was not an ideal gift for christmas. She still maintains im ungrateful as her brother spent ages looking for it and it 'cost a lot'. She says it has been restored or somthing but at the time maintained it was new and told me that the rips were normal :SMy family couldn't believe it when they saw the inside and smelt it. Am I in the wrong here or what?
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female
reader, fishdish  +, writes (29 December 2007):
 Did your gf even actually see/smell it? It sounds like blind sibling defense, maybe she's unaware of the realities of the nasty jacket. just wear it out next time you see her and see what she thinks!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2007): Well there you go then! You don't have to be an Einstein or a Poirot or even a Sherlock Holmes to figure out where the jacket came from! Like I said earlier - he's a cheapskate! Also a deceitful one at that, telling his sister it cost a lot of money. It probably did originally - but not out of HIS pocket!
Phil
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIt really is somthing that I couldn't believe as their family is usually good with gifts at cmas time. They put a lot of effort in but to have a second hand leather jacket that maybe was found. Oh, he works in a night club [manager] also and finds a lot in lost property, eg he found a camera that my gf uses now, a while back. The size was a 44. but im not a 44 :S
thanks for all your replies!
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female
reader, LouLee  +, writes (28 December 2007):
 Your post made me laugh. How could you NOT be ungrateful by receiving something as disgusting as that. If i was you i'd return the jacket back to him and say thanks but i really couldnt hve something so expensive...and leave it as that....haha...also why was there black marker pen on the inside? thats what i wanna know!
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female
reader, Mistify  +, writes (28 December 2007):
 Hey there.
I agree with you - you have all the right to be offended. But there is a deeper meaning to this here.
Why is her brother so desperate to get you a gift, that he would stoop that low? Do you guys (you and your girlfriend and her brother) come from the same type of background? Would a secondhand gift be an appropriate gift to one of them? Gifting is not supposed to be done in the spirit of giving and receiving. All of you need to realize this. Why is her brother feeling guilty for NOT getting you a gift the previous year? Maybe you should speak to her, and then to her brother. You should let them understand that you don't expect to get a gift from him (assuming that you don't). I can understand their reaction, if both of them thought this gift to be really appropriate, in which case they are not at fault (for not knowing any better). Maybe try spending some time with her brother, to clear the air. Maybe he really did have it restored, and what looked OKAY to him, was just not really up to your standard. I would also be offended if i got a tatty secondhand gift, but i would try to dig a little deeper. Go play golf, or go to the movies with your girlfriend's brother. Or go see a game of your favorite sport. Why not invite him over for a game on the telly, and you get the pizza, and ask him to get the drinks. This way, he could feel as though he is contributing, and would see that he needn't go to way-out measures to please you.
You are not ungrateful but it certainly seems that you need a deeper understanding of her brother.
Just try and sort it out with your girlfriend, as something like this could really cause some trouble if it is misinterpreted by her.
Good luck...
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2007): You are so not in the wrong here! I mean how would your g/f feel if it was the other way around and it was your brother who gave her a jacket like that? Believe me she wouldn't stand for it either!!! I know your g/f is being loyal and standing by her brother but c'mon - surely she can get the smell of it if its as bad as you say?
All you can do is bring it out one nite - I won't say wear it cos of the smell, leave it after you somewhere and say to your g/f its after been taken or lost!! But don't do it straight away or she will be suss about it going missing!
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female
reader, red1982 +, writes (28 December 2007):
I would be offended too!! The jacket sounds disgusting. I think uncle phil is right and the jacket was found at the back of a pub. I don't know of any charity shop that would sell something in that state.If I were you I would graciously say thanks (just to please your girlfriend) - throw it in the bin and make sure that you don't spend a lot on gifts for him next year. But try not to fall out with your girlfriend over this, it's certainly not worth it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2007): You're not wrong in the least. Her brother is a cheapskate. If I was in your position I'd feel exactly the same or worse. Offended might be a suitable word. It just shows what high esteem he holds you in.
Restored? Recycled more like. At best, he bought it at a charity shop, but it sounds more likely that he found a jacket left behind on a coat hook in a pub, and any expense was him buying drinks before finding it. Maybe he nicked it for himself but couldn't stand the smell and then announced to his sister that he'd got you the perfect gift. There's probably some poor chap wondering where he left his jacket on a night out. In the unlikely event that you ever wear it just keep your fingers crossed that the owner doesn't recognise it or you'll be the one blamed for nicking it!
Your girl is trying to stand by her brother, but her loyalty is very much misplaced. If I were you I'd give it back to him rather than have it stinking out your house or garage - and the sooner the better - especially if you don't like the idea of having stolen goods in your possession.
Phil
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