A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I broke up in April of this year. He had found out I was on dating sites again. I did not want to meet anyone, because I was in love with him. I used to go on dating sites to tease the guys on them and had no intention of meeting them. My boyfriend didnt believe that. He said he would stay friends with me but he hasn't. I can say I see why he would fall out with me but ending our relationship after two years was over the top. I wonder if I had gave him an excuse he was looking for? I text him for sex and he cannot even bother answering me. If no contact is supposed to work then why is it getting worse for me?
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male
reader, CMMP  +, writes (24 December 2012):
I hope you learned your lesson, because as you can see 100 percent of the people here think that him breaking up with you is justified.
It's also obvious that he wants nothing to do with you, so just leave him alone and move on with your life.
A
female
reader, delightful84 +, writes (24 December 2012):
For some reason I am finding most of what you say hard to believe. So how many times were you caught flirting online. Sorry, I meant to say teasing men. Twice, Three times perhaps? Why do I feel like everything you have said is slightly twisted round or mellowed down? Of course he was going to finish with you. It would take someone very weak not to.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (24 December 2012):
 If I found my GF on dating websites even once she would be out the door, never mind numerous times.
Don't be so cheeky to think he was 'looking' for an excuse, you broke his trust by doing something stupid, take responsibility for your actions rather that claiming he's the one out of order.
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A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (24 December 2012):
 I agree with everyone else, it's not acceptable to be on dating sites when you're in a committed relationship. It's highly shady behaviour, lacking in respect for everyone involved.. He didn't use the dating site activity as an excuse to dump you, it is reason enough in itself.
I don't think he's "not bothering" to reply to your offers of sex. He has finished with you and he doesn't want to meet up with you for casual sex. It sounds like he is a decent guy who wants to be in a monogamous, committed relationship.
You messed up. Move on and leave him be.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2012): Was it the first ever argument you'd had over you going on dating sites? To me it sounds like he had every reason to end the relationship with you.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (24 December 2012):
 Wow... so it's OK to "tease" guys on DATING sites these days?
Honey, in general people who JOIN and stay updated on dating sites are still LOOKING for someone, be it for a NSA or a committed relationship, they don't join so you can have "amusement".
Yes, I think he was right in dumping you. It doesn't seem like you really respected the relationship or him.. or other guys for that matter..
I think you need to really leave him be. He is working on getting over you so you texting and basically harassing him is NOT OK.
Learn from this. Most people who want a real relationship do not tolerate their partner to cruise dating sites for "fun", there is nothing "harmless" in what you are doing.
Stay single, leave the ex alone and do you thing til you realize it's not getting you what you want.
I'm trying not to be rude or mean, but girl.. you need to grow up.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2012): It was not even nearly over the top, it was a perfectly reasonable and good reason to dump you. I would too.
Would you be okay with him acting single in night clubs and "teasing" girls there? It's the exact same thing. It's a dating site OP, DATING, there is no such thing as an innocent reason for being on one and actively interacting with guys if you're in a relationship.
How can you trust a girl who acts single and "teases" other guys and thinks that's okay? You can't, because you're obviously not enough man for that woman if she needs to play around with other guys in any way.
OP you don't have to meet a person in person to develop a relationship with them. I know people who are in full blown love with people they actually haven't met yet. That's the joy of having the internet, you can build feelings and even emotionally cheat with someone you may never even meet.
"If no contact is supposed to work then why is it getting worse for me?"
Because not only are you not sticking to no contact, you still don't understand why he would be a complete idiot to get back with you and why he most likely never will, not only can you not be trusted but you really don't see how what you did is such a huge deal breaker.
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A
male
reader, Byron Temple  +, writes (24 December 2012):
So you went online to tease men did you? Or is it a better way of saying you went online to talk about sex? You may have to just accept you did wrong and got caught. If your ex has not been in touch with you since April then it sounds like you are well finished.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (24 December 2012):
 I agree with everything CindyCares said.
BTW you aren't going NO CONTACT... YOU keep trying to contact him... that's not NO CONTACT...
delete his number... block him on socail media...
accept that what you did was horrible. IT was horrible to your ex boyfriend... and horrible to the men you went online to tease.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (24 December 2012):
 I disagree, I don't think he was over the top. A person in a committed relationship has no business being on dating sites , unknown to his partner. ( If you saw it like just an innocent, fun passtime, you could have told him ) Even worse if she declares herself in love, -normally dating sites would not even be in her mental horizon, she would not even come up with the idea.
So, while I am willing to believe that you meant no harm and it was kind of a joke, I understand how he did not buy it, because that's not what happens in real life. " I was just having some innocent fun " is the typical excuse of a cheater .
Tbh, I think that also if he had believed you, he would have been turned off. Going on dating sites to tease the men ? That's something that 's only excusable if you are 15 or so , after which it shows sides of a personality which not all guys would be comfortable with, and maybe your ex is among them.
Unluckily , it seems you just blew it. A S.O. on dating sites IS a big dealbreaker for some people . If you apologized, stated your case, gave him time to cool down , and he still is not responding to you, ... it's over and done, I don't think you can fix this one.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2012): it sounds to me like he has probably got someone else now. that`s what most people who had caught their partner on a dating site would do eventually.
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A
male
reader, hyt +, writes (24 December 2012):
He gave you enough rope to hang yourself.
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A
female
reader, thinkb4  +, writes (24 December 2012):
Why would you risk so much for so little? I find your story a bit difficult to believe.
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A
male
reader, anonymous12345150 +, writes (24 December 2012):
i dont believe this question.......or your common sense.....
no.1 if you between 26 and 29 then you are incredibly childish to want to "tease" men
no.2 how can you not understand he's actions.....your in a relationship......yet your on dating sites.....go figure.....
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (24 December 2012):
 The "Father" in me wants to scold you for behaving childishly.....
Your "explanation" of going on dating sites to TAUNT the men on them is something that a young, inexperienced and naive girl would do.... rather similar to what one might expect from the girls in the movie "Bad Girls".... It's not a nice thing to do.... AND, you learned that it is/was fatal to the relationship that you had had with this guy who you liked so much...
The "Uncle" in me sez: Put this experience behind you... AFTER having learned that it (the dating-site thing) is much like playing with fire.... ESPECIALLY in the face of a partner clearly telling you that he finds it unacceptable...
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, Jeanette82 +, writes (24 December 2012):
 You joined dating sites to tease men? Is that code for having cyber sex? It is going to be difficult for anyone to offer advice to you, because you dont seem to think you have done anything wrong.
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A
male
reader, somewhere_between +, writes (24 December 2012):
 He caught you on dating sites "again"...So how many times did he catch you in all? Was it the first time he had made an issue of it? For the sake of "teasing men" you put your relationship at risk? I am finding this hard to believe. You was playing on dating sites whilst in a relationship and he found out. You blew your chance and went on them again. you got dumped, and rightly so.
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