A
male
age
41-50,
*razyoflove
writes:I have no one else to talk to. For past year I have been in affair with coworker. Last summer we agreed that we will leave our partners and be together. I did it, she did not so I went NC for next two months. This autumn she started chasing me, promising heaven and earth. I caved in hoping things will be better but soon everything returned to the way it was. Every attempt to have serious conversation with her would end with her silence or turning things into joke. I tried to leave many times, but after few days she would start calling and promising things will be different. However, they did not. Three weeks ago something cracked in me and I said enough. I told her to contact me only if she is willing to leave him and pursue real relationship with me. For the next two weeks I ignored texts and calls. Last Thursday I answered her call. She wanted to meet and talk about us. Her words were that she agreed with husband they are ending it and that he will move out of home right after holidays. Afterwards we met few times but I could feel something is not right. Finally I confronted her last night and said that she can no longer have her cake and eat it too. She sat silent for a while and then started talking how she loves me and does not want to lose me. She also said that she is definitely leaving him but cant give me any definite date when this will happen. I sat there feeling my world is falling down. So I said that this is not good enough for me and that I want her to accept this was last chance I was willing to give to us and that I wish us to be in NC in the future. She was shocked with this. She said that she will not bother me but that she cant accept this is the end of us.Guys I really love her even though I know she hurt me many times. This morning I feel like crazy but I know there is no point in calling her. I tried everything else. It seems every time in the past she would react only if she thought she is losing me. Is there any point in hoping she could leave him or was I just played by her?
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female
reader, Kitty_kat84  +, writes (24 December 2012):
I feel your agony I'm too having an affair but the fella I'm seeing has a pregnant wife and although he says he wants me he lets me down! Think he just using me! Hard!! Think she finish it with her and find happiness else where x x
A
male
reader, crazyoflove +, writes (24 December 2012):
crazyoflove is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMy last words to her were 'what do you want from me?' Her reply was 'nothing until I end things at home'. Was this just attempt to mess with my head or there is something into it?
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (24 December 2012):
 If she was going to leave her husband for you, she would have done it already.
it hurts but you need to tell her that until she can prove to you that she has left him and is on her own you cannot have any contact with her.
she will probably not leave him for you and I'm sorry you are hurting but you did the right thing to leave her to take care of yourself.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (24 December 2012):
 You have done the right thing OP. This woman will never leave her husband; if she wanted to, then she would have done so a long time back. She's just having a bit of convenient fun with you on the side and she wants the best of both worlds. I know it hurts now and will continue to hurt for a while but you have to be strong because only that will help you move on. The holidays can be a tough time to be alone but don't cave in to the pressure.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (24 December 2012):
 When two attached people find one-another, strike up a romance/tryst, and claim that they are in love and wish to spend life with one-another, they are entering a minefield of emotions laced with acres of hurt, anguish and broken promises and dreams......
YOU have learned that this woman, now and previously, did not have a committment to the "relationship" that was equal to your's (committment).... You held out hope....and she dashed that hope...
Soooo, chalk this up to a hurtful and unpleasant experience... get on with your life... and be alert to recognize this (the "fling-thing") if you are tempted to repeat it....
Good luck...
P.S. I can truly say, "Been there; done that"... just like you!!!!!
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