A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi ladiesI had my first date with a guy I met a few weeks ago. He invited me for dinner at his house as he wanted to cook for me. We had a lovely evening together and he was very polite and didn't make any moves. We had a little kiss and cuddle on the sofa and we stayed up late watching a film. I was too tired to drive home so I stayed over. The minute we got to the bedroom, he literally jumped on me, having not shown any signs all night. One thing led to another and we ended up have sex, or at least trying to. He went soft while he was in me and said he felt too full from eating and so would try again later. In the morning, we tried again but he went soft again.What do you think caused it? Was he not attracted to me? Was it nerves? (twice though!) Or was he turned off because ti was slutty of me to have sex on the first date??Opinions please! Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Wheeler  +, writes (8 February 2011):
 First things first.He didn't show many moves because he probably didn't intend to try and sleep with you on the first date.You didn't stay over because you were tired, you stayed because you probably wanted to see if he would try more, or because you wanted him to try more. Admit it, it is true. :-)This honestly was a definitive move. At this point you made it clear you would be willing to sleep over on the first night. Now, this next part is an educated guess from a guy's point of view. He might have felt that he was now expected to have sex with you. You obviously weren't throwing out any vibes that said you were definitely not down for it. And that is okay, no judgment there.And this guy might have felt pressure to perform, when earlier in the evening he had no intentions of ending up having sex. This pressure, and his nerves, almost surely caused him to not keep an erection. He was being intimate with a girl after the first date, and wanted to impress you.I can guarantee you it is not an erectile dysfunction issue. He is young, and if he had ED he would have a) known to avoid sex until he had become close enough to you to explain the issue and, b) had some sort of medication ready (such as Viagra) in the case that things did get crazy. And if that was the case, you would definitely not be writing about how he couldn't keep it up.No, it sounds like he is a good guy, with honest intentions, and he was definitely nervous.I had many similar experiences when I was younger, because I grew up in a very religious family and had a lot of guilt issues attached to sex outside of marriage. I didn't lose my virginity until I was 21. (What can I say, I am an open book.)For guys like me, sex has most often been more about pleasing the woman and performing well. As opposed to just achieving the most pleasure and finishing. And I am not saying that to brag, because it was at times a curse.So, my first few years in college I had several experiences where I would have a date or meet someone and things would get crazy (which is my way of describing the moment when you find yourself suddenly ripping each other's clothes off and getting creative with your hands and face...ahem, what fun) before I was close enough to the girl to have a normal sequence of events. That is, I was more comfortable with the idea of getting to know someone at least a LITTLE, and having a first kiss that meant something, etc. Then I would be more in the right mindset to take things further at some point. And this was almost always not over only a few days, more like a few weeks.I don't know if any or all of this applies to your situation, but it may actually help some of you ladies out there figure out your man.
A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (7 February 2011):
 Could have been any of those reasons to be honest, it's hard to say why it happened. If he asks you for another date then assume he is prepared to give things a go with you. If you don't hear from him, assume he is no longer interested and move on.
...............................
A
female
reader, pink_daisy +, writes (7 February 2011):
 He went soft for one of 2 reasons:
1 being that he has an erection disorder which is NOT YOUR FAULT. It's just something he needs to see a doctor for.
or 2: his mind was else where and thus he was not in the moment and unable to keep it up.
If he was not attracted to you, he would not have jumped on you the moment you went to the bedroom!
...............................
|
