| A
female
,
anonymous
writes: I'M 18 and love my 50-year-old boyfriend very much. We met five years ago at a family barbecue. He loves me and has asked me to marry him, so we've set a date this time next year. The problem is I don't always understand him and this has caused many arguments between us. I argue with my mum over it a lot because she's says I'm too young, but it's not her life. She says he's my first boyfriend and girls rarely stay with their first love. My mum has told me to find someone my own age. She's even tried to get her friends' sons to go out with me but I don't always get on with them. I don't get out a lot and it can be boring at times. What do you think I should do? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, KeiraElainetaylor  +, writes (25 November 2012):
Darling I did the same thing I meet my bf when I was 17 yrs old and he was 50 yrs old my mother told me the same thing.. I didn't listen we got married when I was 18 an where been together ever since I have a amazing life!!
I think the best life I could ever ask for..
Were been together for 7 yrs now I say go for it
A
female
reader, coollady181  +, writes (2 May 2012):
Dear same here,My 50 years old boyfriend want us to get Married and i don't no how to tell my parents about my up coming wedding .
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2010): It's your life, your choice.
POSTPONE the wedding and marry only after 2 years to get to know him better. Your 18, what's a couple of years???
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2010): You love who you love, and sometimes you just can't explain it. I can relate. My boyfriend is older than me, almost by the same amount as you and your boyfriend. Age doesn't matter. Go for it! Marry him.
...............................
A
female
reader, DewDrop123  +, writes (14 November 2010):
 Omg....I am 17 and in love with a 47 year old man....
Haven't told anyone about it...We have kept it a secret...
Go for it.... :)
...............................
A
female
reader, curleywhirlyhurly  +, writes (23 August 2010):
no offencegirl but when you love someone dnt be afraid to show it marry him !!!!!!!!
...............................
A
female
reader, moltendove  +, writes (29 July 2010):
Tell you what, you go ahead and marry this guy and I bet you the deed to my single family home in Orange County, California (that's almost paid for) that if you do, you will regret your decision within the first 5- and most certainly 10 years. Guaranteed. Your mom is right, your mom is right, your mom is right....sorry, but your mom is right.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2010): Awww that's cute :D Marry the guy. Who cares about age? Love is love. No matter what. My parents are 14 years apart :D MARRY HIM!
...............................
A
female
reader, BunnyTee +, writes (15 June 2010):
 13 and 45? Hello! Pedophile alert!
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymousboi +, writes (15 June 2010):
so u knew this man when u were 13 and his was 45 ? he is a pedophile and that is jail bait .you should just listen to your parents they are 100% right .
...............................
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (15 June 2010):
 I just love it when the old chestnuts get dug up.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2010): Are you god damn serious ???? he's just attracted to you because of your age, as he will continue having fun with you in bed even when he's an old piece of sh*t. When you will be 38 years old, he will be 70.......or probably dead. Now imagine have sex with a 70 year old man!!!!!!!!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2010): I'm sorry, but WHAT?! You met when he was 45 and you were 13? Seriously? You've been going out with a pedophile. Time to move on honey. That's creepy!
...............................
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (6 April 2010):
yeah the old guy's probably pushing up daisies by now
...............................
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (6 April 2010):
 Psst. Guys. This question was written nearly 5 years ago. Whatever has happened, happened a long time ago. Okay, Tisha out.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2010): I agree with you. If you love him, marry him. Age is just a number, and it's your feelings what count. Tell your Mum it's probably not right in her eyes, but it's right in your eyes because he is the right man for you.
I strongly know how you feel because I'm 20 and I really love a 56 year old man - he is gorgeous, and he loves me, but my Mum disapproves aswell.
My answer might not be good enough for you but I totally know how you are feeling right now, so my answer is to marry him whenever you feel ready to.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2010): I agree with you. If you love him, marry him. Age is just a number, and it's your feelings what count. Tell your Mum it's probably not right in her eyes, but it's right in your eyes because he is the right man for you.
I strongly know how you feel because I'm 20 and I really love a 56 year old man - he is gorgeous, and he loves me, but my Mum disapproves aswell.
My answer might not be good enough for you but I totally know how you are feeling right now, so my answer is to marry him whenever you feel ready to.
...............................
A
male
reader, twistedelm +, writes (5 April 2010):
I think its great that you were lucky enough to find your special someone! Im in my 50s also and have dated a woman 23 with one boy--we are having problems now cause shes worried about our age difference. I am very laid back and down to earth some college too but her ex-married partner was cruel to her so I understand her worrys. Ours is a trust problem and Im sure it will correct itself in time. Dont get me wrong; I love her alot but if it doesnt get better; I will move on...
...............................
A
female
reader, nads2009 +, writes (27 January 2010):
I know exactly how you feel, im 19 turning 20 this year and i found out that im pregnant today to my 56 year old boyfriend who i plan to spend the rest of my (well his) life with. i was over the moon until i told my parents, one- they think im too young and two- because the father is 56 they think its wrong, i love him to bits more than ive ever loved anyone and i dont know why my parents cant be happy like i am. My sister was 23 when she had her first only a couple of years older and my parents were absolutly stoked for her, i feel like im never going to be good enough for them im never going to be able to do the right thing in their eyes.
So i know where evryone is coming fom here with this issue and its obviously more common than i thought, here i was thinking im the only one that has a boyfriend 30+ years older than me (or thats how ive been made to feel). If your in-love with this person and your happy why should it matter how old he is whether hes 16 or 84 i dont care...i love this guy and hes with me till then end and if my parents and people around me cant except that then f***k off and you wont be a part of my baby's life.Im happy and thats all that matters.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2009): i'm really interested as to whether you married him or not?i'm an 18 yr old wanting to marry my 49 yr old boyfriendany advice from your experience?x
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2009): i'm eighteen and im in love with a 50yr old man. i dont talk to my family, because they were just venomous. they wont and dont understand, that we are happy. just like gay women and men are happy, to be with someone they 'shouldnt' be with. i love my man. i think hes wonderful. and you shouldnt listen to anyone else, no matter what they have to say. because what matters is your life and your life only. no one else should be cheeky enough to control you. best wishes. xoxox
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2008): Like someone said earlier, age is nothing but a number.I'm 18, currently crushing on a 32 year-old. I was terrified at first.But I've taken this advice, thanks.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2008): Im 18 and my man was 38, it was really hard getting over the age difference but I couldn't control myself I was glued to him. We connected and he's the closest person I've ever been too.
He makes me laugh.
I was so happy when I was with him, but now deep down inside im miserable without him every single day.
I've dated guys, and thought I new what love was but I didn't. He showed me real love and im sorry that I lost him.
Don't worry about what other people think, if you are truly inlove then don't let him go. Chances are you'll never love someone as much as you loved him.
...............................
A
female
reader, jlotwin  +, writes (8 November 2008):
O my gosh! We have so much in common! Im 18 and my boyfriend is 50 aswell. Except our relationship is so much more complicated as he lives in america and i live in england but i know him threw family and have been together nearly a year and i moved there except passport complications i need to get my passport done so i can stay and live there so im moving back after christmas. Well since u wrote this in 2005 u must be like...21 now? are you still together? what are you doing now? married?
Hope to hear from you!
xx
...............................
A
male
reader, ayoungman +, writes (14 September 2008):
If you have feelings for him, you should accept them. You don't have to get married. But if you love being around him, why deny it? It's hard enough to find someone you're compatible with. When you find him, you should share and enjoy. I'm sure he sees you as a woman and someone he is truly in love with.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2008): I am 28 and my boyfriend is 50 - we have been together 5 years. We had separated for a time because we seemed to want different things; Kids! However we got back together, we were apart for 7 months and neither of us were happy without each other. We both dated but it didn't matter we wanted each other. So we are back together now and talking about moving in and getting married, etc. So I say if you are truly in your heart happy and honest with yourself then try. You are very young. I would not have done this at 18 so maybe think about staying together but waiting a few years to get married or have kids. Good Luck to you.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2008): I had boyfriends the same ago as me, they screwed me around. I love my now husband, I am 23 he is 43, he is good looking, looks young and acts young and is probably fitter than me! He understands me, there is a strong connection. We have our problems, some maybe age related others mo worse than any normal marriage. He is my stablizing influence from an unstable background. I wouldn't be without him or regret my decision. We will have children and age is just a number, yes sometimes i worry about what other people think but most of the time people don't even realise there is such a big age gap. I say marry the one you love, it will either work out or it won't but if you don't try you will live to regret it.
...............................
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (15 May 2008):
I don't know correct me if I'm wrong but I have a feeling she has resolved this dilemma by now...it's almost 3 years old.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2008): don't wory i am 17 and i am going out with 55 years old man
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2008): There are no answers. I can only tell you what happened to me. I did and still do love a man who was born 52 years before me. I was advised against marrying him by everyone, including my mother who was my best friend. I was 18 when we met and the relationship went on for over a decade. I ended up marrying a man 9 years younger than myself and wasting my best years on him. We are still married after 25 years. My husband is not a bad man by any means, but I regret not marrying the man I truly love and seeing the relationship to its end whatever that might have been. I understand that I would most likely have ended up taking care of an old man. (I now care for my father who is in his 90's and understand the unpleasant aspects of this.) Still, I would give everything to have had the opportunity to care for my beloved. He died at the age of 96 when I was 44. I am in my 50's now and I still miss him every hour of every day.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2008): dear,
i think you should make your own decision and pls don't take advise from outside. the only person who can give you a good advise is your mom. I don't think any one in this world can understand you better than your mom. if i am right i think you have spend all your best and worst years with your mom. i think she is telling for your good
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2008): I think, you should not let other people tell you who and who not to date or marrie. If you truley love this person no matter how old he is and if he takes real good care of you. And he loves you alot ya'll should get married. As of what your mom thinks of you, don't let her bring you down. Her job is suppose to be there for you and as long as you are happy she should be too. I am 19 and i am with a 47 year old guy i love him so much and ive dates so many younger guys and all of them didnt know what love meant. And when i meet my boyfriend he showed me what it meant and ever since we got together he tells me he loves me everyday and it means so much when a guy tells you how much he loves you and how pretty you are to him. So please dont listen to what other people think marry you boyfriend and hopfuly everything between you and him will work out fine.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2008): right okay, you should go for it! dont listen to what other people think. im in love with someone 37 years older than me. He wont be going out with you to impress his friends (ignore the idiot who said that).
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2007): Theres nothing wrong you marrying older man. If you really love the person fight for it. I am only 23 and engaged with 58 year old guy. It sounds so strange right. But i love him, he is also my first boyfriend. I know your story is different from mine but I htink we do have pure heart to make feel to our partner the true love, even we are still young.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2007): So what- you're of legal age. You are 18, and at this age, no one should have any say in who you should or should not see. If you are happy with this man, then go for it! And I also think it's wrong that your mother is trying to set you up with boys. You are now an adult, and at 18, you can legally date/marry whoever you want. I'm currently 20 with a 41 year old boyfriend, and couldn't be happier. I've always been miserable with men my own age. They're jsut so immature! Are they not? I know exactly how you feel.
If you truly love this man, then do it! You're a woman now, and do not have to follow your mother's wishes anymore. This is completely up to you.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2007): dude, this is so not gonna work, you need someone closer to your age, and I am older than my girlfriend, but only by 7 years, don't marry a sinior thats just crazy, but I can totally see why he wants to do it, its not even because he loves you, your 18 so he sees you as a kid, but you look nice on his arm, it impresses his friends.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2007): im 19 and for almost 3 months now ive been in a relationship with a 48 year old. we've been friends for 6 years and during that time ive had many other relationships. this summer things just kinda "clicked" and we started dating. im having the same kind of problems as you except that nobody in my family knows that we are dating. my mom has threatened to disinherit me if i marry outside of our church. however i love him and we intend to wait a few years and get married when im around 25. if you love him, marry him. but remember, when your still young he will be old and theres a good chance that he will die when your only in your 40s or 50s.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2007): this question was posted 2 years ago...I wanna know what happened!!!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2007): OK...Creepy. Only because when he met you it was illeagal to do anything and he is waaaaaaaaay older than you. I'm dating a guy almost 7 years older then me and i thought that was cutting it fine with age factors. But age isnt everything. I don't think you should marry this man, You need to find someone closer to your own age and live your youth...have fun, be crazy. As posted previously, he's experienced life and you're just about to begin yours, which is why you dont get out much and are bored...he's pretty much over all they hype of going out and all that. You NEED to experience life, after all, YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE!
...............................
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (29 May 2007):
Sorry but he's getting the better end of this deal by far. He's had 50 years of having fun, going out with friends, getting an education, and just plain living. You on the other hand are just starting out, you will end up resenting him for your lost youth. Date him if you want but make sure you do things with your friends as well. Whatever you do DO NOT marry him. If down the road you feel you'd like to settle down then think long and hard about the facts involved with marriage to a senior citizen.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2007): age aint nothing but a number honey
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2007): i am 19 and my boyfriend is 44, i find that i dont understand him sometimes but i just think its because there,s a big age gap so he needs his own space to do his own interests because obviously we dont necessaraly like all the same things
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2006): HE IS NOT THE MAN 4 U
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2006): I think you should find someone your own age, your only 18 you have a while to find someone to share intercoures.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2006): Hello there i am with a 54 year old and i am 33 people tried to tell me the same thing find someone my own age but i love him that is all that matters. My mother was not happy at first about the relationship cause she is his age so love it is your life and if he makes you happy that is all that matters.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2006): You must marry if you think so. Its your life and not your mothers'. "At 18 you are grown up enough" to understand the complexities of life and human nature which ofcourse includes behaviour patterns of a fully grown 50 year old man who has already been to the world which You have yet to discover. Also I believe, at 18 you are mature enough to take responsibility for all your actions, will not blame anyone for your share of miseries in future and you yourself will not visit "Guilt Islands" with a haunting notion, " I was told so".
Honestly 50 year old is fit only to be your father and nothing else.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2005): Please listen to your mom. I've been in a relationship with a much older man and am around your age now. All I have to say is...if you have never really dated much, you'll grow to regret this older man once you realize you are stuck and will never experience younger romances, relationships with people your own age. And, if you do marry this older man and have kids with him, don't forget it will be only a decade or two before he starts getting frail and weak. His age may slow you and your life down. The great thing about dating people around your own age...like within 10 years...is that the man you marry will grow old with you and experience everything with you. If you marry this fifty-year-old, by the time he's 70, he'll need a full time nurse and that person will be you....you will be a footstool.
...............................
A
female
reader, Ask MiMi +, writes (12 July 2005):
I am in the process of ending a relationship that has been on and off for 3yrs. The man is 24 and a half years older than I am. In the begining, our relationship was beautiful and very interesting. But lately it has become very boring and we argue most of the time. I really loved this man and thought that I could spend the rest of my life with him. What I have learnt is that when there is a big age difference the relationship is very difficult and it takes a lot of compromise, and often the one who does all the compromising is the younger party (especially when it is a female). A relationship with an older man often confines a young woman. She does not get the time to develop herself and to really know what she wants because she spends so much time trying to please the man who already knows himself. Often the man gets his way because he knows what he wants where as the young woman still isn't completely sure.As for your mother, listen to her. I know it seems unfair, but she knows that a marriage to a man that much older than you, has the potential to keep you back from becoming all that you can be. Don't argue with her. Try to see things from her point of view and in turn, speak to her calmly and get to to understand your point of view. Hold out on the wedding. There really is no rush. Take your time and the really get to understand what you want out of life, then see if that is what he wants. If it is going to be, it will be and you mother will come to terms with it. All she wants is for you to be happy. This is my opionion.I wish you all the best.
...............................
A
female
reader, pinksoftkitten +, writes (12 July 2005):
I also dated an older man, I was 17 and he was 28 and a half years older than me. I loved him so much. I wanted to marry him, and knew I could be committed to him for the rest of our lives. He would have reversed his vasectomy so we could have children of our own. I was with him for 5 years. I never thought my love for him would die, but eventually, in my mid twenties, I split up with him, because I no longer found him to be the man I'd fallen in love with. I realise now that it was me who changed. I felt awful splitting up with him, but I felt so trapped, I was relieved as well as upset when it ended. My advice is to hold off getting married. If you are going to be together forever, then it makes no difference if you marry next year or 5 years from now. If you hold off from marrying, this will demonstrate to your mum that you are more mature than she thinks you are at the moment, because you are confident that by holding off the wedding, it wont change the way you feel about each other at all. It also gives you both a chance to grow, hopefully together, but if not, then you wont have gotten into a situation thats difficult to walk away from. Try to keep the peace with your mum. She will always be there for you, and I hope he is too, but show everyone that you dont need to be married to make this work. I wish you both well!!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2005): Ok, right, he met you when you were 13???Thats.....weird.Surely the word pedophile springs to mind??Sorry, just my opinion.
...............................
A
reader, NordicBeauty +, writes (7 July 2005):
The fact that you don't go out alot & you feel bored...is a BIG REASON you are vulnerable to this 50 year old man.
You need to get out with friends...movies, dinners, laugh alot, talk about men, go shopping...buy clothes, makeup & shoes, etc...and feel beautiful about yourself !
This man is old enough to be your father honey.
When you are 30 years old, your perspective on love & romanace will be TOTALLY DIFFERENT than 18 years old.
If you meet a 50 year old man when you are 30, and fall in love with him, you will have had 20 years of experience with men, to help you decide what love is all about.
Take your time...don't think you are in love with the first man who gives you attention, or makes you feel special.
Enjoy your freedom & independance...your mom is right...you need to find guys your own age.
Give yourself 5 years...I GUARANTEE you will thank your mom for her advice.
And remember....your life is intertwined with HER LIFE.
Whatever affects you, affects your Mom.
Trust her guidance & wisdom...she loves you Angel !
All the best,
...............................
|
